DuckDuckGo
“Its amazing how many duck-based jokes are out there!”
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| What is it? | Search Engine |
| Created by | Donald Duck & Bowtie Duck |
| Basis | Abundance of ducks |
| Available in- | Multiple languages (including duck) |
| Current status | Quack! |
DuckDuckGo(to be deliberately confused with ducks)is a duck-based search engine that is slightly less annoying and and slightly more useless than the stuck-up, conceited and inane bowtie-wearing duck displayed as its logo.
Duckscription[edit]
DuckDuckGo stubbornly refuses to track the innermost private thoughts and searches of their users, thus crippling their entire financial department, in the pursuit of respectability and honour. Thus, they have next to no money, and shamelessly keep asking from their users donations, resulting in the loss of above mentioned respectability and honour. Which is sort of a vicious cycle once you think about it.
Motto[edit]
'"We don't track you, we only quack at you."'
Relation With Ducks[edit]
It is undoubtable that the creators had a deep relation with Ducks, otherwise , who in their right minds would have named a search engine after a duck?(Or, in this case, two ducks). On using the search engine, the first thing you notice is that there is absolutely no rational relation between the engine and a normal duck . Except the fact that the time needed to search up anything on DuckDuckGo is equivalent to the time required to make slow roasted duck. As a search engine, DuckDuckGo simply does not fly(which again demonstrates a marked difference between the search engine and a duck).
Dumb Policies[edit]
DuckDuckGo's sole policy is to display the same damn search results to every single living organism on this planet, regardless of whether they live in the nether regions, or in some freezing place off the coast of Antarctica. This causes several 'inconveniences'. For example , Google gives me directions(at least, it tries to) to the hotel Taj, while DuckDuckGo shamelessly informs me that I may not drive to Taj Gibson, nationally famous basketball player. It also refuses to refuses to let my internet browser store my e-mail address, search history , or tasty cookies, no matter how hard I beg or how many times I say please,thus forcing you to type out the same boring and mundane stuff like your e-mail every single time you use it. When you leave , its exactly as if you had never used it: a feeling you soon wish you had.
User Interface[edit]
DuckDuckGo has a remarkably watery interface.. Navigating it is slightly like wading through water filled with ducks... you find it uncomfortable, thick and filled with annoying ducks(read obstacles) everywhere. No matter how much yell at them, or submit long winding feedback forms complaining against them, all they do is quack , and flap their wings, spraying water on you. The user interface , however , does do what an user interface must do - convince you to stay on the site, and not go away. This it achieves by promptly freezing after you type in the first search.
Despite all this, it is rumoured that some people do actually forsake Google and use DuckDuckGo , thus, it is suspected that the user-interface brings the user under a permanent hypnotic influence.
Alliance with Diabolical Company[edit]
When Apple decided to release their latest update to both tablets and computers, they incorporated a major change in their lousy greatly awesome internet browser Safari. They incorporated above mentioned search engine in their browser. The reason behind this decision is suspected to be bribery and blackmail sophisticated economic conditions and requirement of user-privacy.
According to a recent survey, it was found out that only 2% of Apple users actually use DuckDuckGo, but thats probably because Apple did this without telling the general public, and there are hardly any indications to prove that tthis change has been made. If Apple actually made this change public, surely many more will jump on the ship, because surely millions of people want their browsing to be as shady and untraceable as possible..
The Future[edit]
So, what does the future hold for above mentioned search engine? Well, its users are only growing, thus denoting a alarming rise in the number of people who actually care about such stuff ( or the possibility that hypnotised users can spread the hypnotic influence to close friends and family). And since such persons are only multiplying in this fair world of ours, the future of all things duck seems bright.