UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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UnFair and UnBalanced ✪ UnNews ✪ Wednesday, May 14, 2025, 08:10:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  2. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  3. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  4. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  5. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  6. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  7. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  8. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  9. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  10. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  11. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  12. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  13. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  14. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  15. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  16. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  17. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  18. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  19. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  20. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  21. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  22. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  23. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  24. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  25. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  26. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  27. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  28. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  29. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  30. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  31. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  32. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  33. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  34. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  35. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  36. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  37. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  38. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  39. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  40. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  41. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel impolitely
  42. To rebel a hot dog, is to rebel {{adv})
  43. Harry Potter™ is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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