UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Dead Sea Scrolls)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Democracy Dies with Dignity ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, February 22, 2025, 15:35:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  2. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  3. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  4. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  5. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  6. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  7. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  8. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  9. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  10. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  11. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  12. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  13. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  14. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  15. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  16. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  17. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  18. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  19. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  20. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  21. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  22. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  23. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  24. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  25. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  26. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  27. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  28. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  29. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  30. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  31. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  32. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  33. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  34. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  35. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  36. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  37. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  38. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  39. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  40. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  41. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE easily
  42. To ASPLODE a cockroach, is to ASPLODE {{adv})
  43. Elvis Presley is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"