UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Dead Sea Scrolls)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Friday, September 19, 2025, 04:36:59 (UTC)
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  2. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  3. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  4. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  5. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  6. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  7. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  8. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  9. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  10. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  11. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  12. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  13. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  14. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  15. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  16. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  17. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  18. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  19. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  20. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  21. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  22. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  23. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  24. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  25. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  26. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  27. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  28. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  29. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  30. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  31. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  32. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  33. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  34. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  35. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  36. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  37. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  38. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  39. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  40. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  41. To feel an anvil, is to feel rudely
  42. To feel an anvil, is to feel {{adv})
  43. Avril Lavigne is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Dead_Sea_Scrolls_reveal_advice&oldid=6187983"