UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  2. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  3. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  4. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  5. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  6. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  7. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  8. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  9. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  10. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  11. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  12. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  13. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  14. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  15. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  16. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  17. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  18. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  19. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  20. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  21. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  22. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  23. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  24. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  25. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  26. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  27. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  28. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  29. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  30. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  31. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  32. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  33. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  34. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  35. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  36. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  37. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  38. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  39. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  40. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  41. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify disturbingly
  42. To quantify a scroll, is to quantify {{adv})
  43. Lord Voldemort is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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