UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  2. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  3. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  4. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  5. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  6. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  7. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  8. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  9. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  10. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  11. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  12. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  13. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  14. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  15. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  16. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  17. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  18. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  19. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  20. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  21. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  22. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  23. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  24. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  25. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  26. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  27. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  28. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  29. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  30. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  31. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  32. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  33. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  34. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  35. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  36. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  37. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  38. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  39. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  40. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  41. To add an operating theater, is to add boorishly
  42. To add an operating theater, is to add {{adv})
  43. Peter Griffin is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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