South Brent
South Brent The Chilled Out Space of South Brent Peace | |||||
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| Motto: "Gives organicum foodus ist" | |||||
| Anthem: "God save our Innocent Smoothie" | |||||
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| Capital | South Brent | ||||
| Largest city | City?? | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, Chong | ||||
| Government | Democratic Election held each week | ||||
| The Co-Prince of South Hams | The 7th Count of Modbury and the 54th Count of South Brent | ||||
| ‑ The Democratic President of South Brent | The 54th Count of South Brent | ||||
| Established | The hippies decided to have an election | ||||
| Currency | Karma | ||||
| Religion | The Happy Hippy Church | ||||
| Population | 2000 approx. | ||||
South Brent is a village in the Green Eggs and Ham region of Devon in England near Dartmoor, which is made entirely of hemp. The current population consists entirely of old women who bake cakes, and young hippies who sniff heather. Younger children generally attend the local primary school, whereas older children go either to KEVICCs (which stands for King Edward's Volvo Inspecting Community Court), Ivybridge Comprehensive-in-special-measures, or other schools in Torbay or Plymouth.
South Brent contributed a unique fashion to British life, which is known in commodities markets as South Brent Crude.
Culture[edit]
South Brent is a detour off the A38 in South Devon used mainly for herding hedgehogs and bypassing the deviant village of Rattery. The population is mainly jumper wearing country bumpkins with right wing ethics, a few lentil soaking alternative types and a bunch of Estuary English speaking newcomers to the village. If you are thinking of moving to South Brent be aware that the initiation or trial period as the villagers deem it will last approximately 20 years. Until this trial period is over you will be classed as an outcast and shunned on the street. This prejudice exists especially if you speak with a foreign accent or dress in anything other than golfing trousers, twin set and pearls or farmers' dungarees. If you pass your trial period you might be invited to a South Brent celebratory drink at the local pub called 'The Slaughtered Lamb'. Otherwise you will be invited to join in the annual reenactment celebration called The Wicker Man.
The local parish council is made up of a collection of upcycled objects bought from the two local charity shops. Magically imbued with the ability to speak they claim to be the secret love children of Denis Waterman who had a very personal relationship with the right and left hands respectively. They used to meet regularly on a disused piece of land at Marley Head for dogging and rabbiting exercises until the travellers moved in and set up a nuclear power plant. Now the parish council can be found singing theme tunes to unpopular TV programmes about people who have chips on their shoulder.
In South Brent your garden must be at least 100mm x 300mm and contain at least two items of vicarious enjoyment (for example, a duct-tape pond or a yellow trampoline). If you break this rule, your garden will be bombarded by flowers and included on the Royal Horticultural Society garden circuit, when families of six from Birmingham tower blocks drive around South Devon villages in camper vans, spitting tobacco and vomiting Chicken Vindaloo from the Indian in Buckfastleigh.
The youth culture of the village is based around the seat opposite the fish and chip shop, where they loiter and ridicule Wellington-boot-wearing dog owners constantly on weekends. This location is mainly chosen because it is somewhere to sit. This does make the police feel very important, because they can use the Criminal Justice Act to ensure that South Brent youngsters do not start an illegal rave in Church Street with their car stereos.
Governing[edit]
South Brent is governed by the 54th Duke of South Brent. He also used to be the Co-Prince of South Hams, along with the current Count of Modbury. However the two never talk due to time differences between Modbury and the rest of the world.
The Duke's responsibilities are to keep hold of the local law, to ensure that hemp supplies do not run out and that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are played within the village hall 24/7, along with other forms of funk, including Jazz Funk and even stretching as far as Reggae, Ska and Punk.
History[edit]
South Brent has a rich history spanning its 400 year existence. Although many people think that hippies did not come about until the 1960s, early records show that they existed in South Brent some 300 years previous. South Brent has often been a pioneer of social ideology and this trend looks set to continue.
Roman Empire[edit]
South Brent is only a shadow of its former self. Around 2000 years ago, South Brent, then known as Flavium Brentus was the second largest city in the Roman Empire, after Rome. Julius Caesar occupied a residence here for a short while when the city of Rome was under threat. South Brent was also the second favourite to hold the Colosseum, but lost its bidding to Rome.
When the Roman Empire crumbled in around 400 AD, South Brent was left for ruins. Centuries of salvaging has removed all of the remaining building material. There is nothing left on the original site.
Civil War[edit]
Although South Brent did not see as much action in the Civil War as Modbury, it still played a crucial part. There was only one battle, because the residents did not agree with the violence. As the Royalist and Parliamentarian forces approached from either side of the wood, the local residents chained themselves trees and held banners quoting Ban the Bayonet and No War. The forces eventually left leaving South Brent unharmed. It is only because of the residents direct action and protests that many lives were saved. In fact, the 18th of March was for many years a public holiday in South Brent. The villagers would make banners and paper chains and re-enact the day when the protesters saved their village by pretending to chain themselves to trees and horse tethers.
19th and 20th century[edit]
The Victorian era caused a lot of good for the inhabitants. The thriving population of gentle old ladies who have tea parties could soon give their guests the brand-new Victoria Sponge. It was highly approved of.
In the early 20th century, South Brent was occupied by Soviet forces. They highly mocked the residents and they created their own banners. They read In Soviet Russia, bomb bans YOU!!.
The arrival of the 1960's meant that the residents could now travel to other settlements apart from Torquay, as they no longer looked out of place. By the 1970s, the A38 devon expressway allowed the inhabitants to drive their Volkswagen Minivans without using the dirt tracks which had been used since the Civil War.
21st century[edit]
When the 54th Duke of South Brent was elected in 2001, he said that the village would under go a process of Californication and By the Way, he was going to spend the remainder of his rule Under the Bridge in One Hot Minute. He also brought sweeping reforms into the economy, ordering the large scale production of Innocent Smoothies and banning all produce that was not organic.
Trivia[edit]
- South Brent was the first village in England the openly use a concept of religion as a currency.
- In 2003 the Red Hot Chili Peppers tour bus passed through the outskirts of the city, at this time the village was empty.
- The Volkswagen Minivan was an idea stolen by the Germans, from local engineer Eric Hipster.
- Local grocer Jim Terrence was a former member of the band Abba.