Computer monitor

Yes, the only pupose of this Satanic item is to display those embarrasing baby photos of you. Yes, that's you, stupid IP.

“I despise this article”

~ Chuck Norris on This Article

A Computer Monitor is a slightly upmarket picture frame. Computer monitors are in fact fairly limited in design - you cannot, for example, get one with a nice Mahogany finish, or even a mount. For these reasons, and many more, you'd be better of with a photo frame. Computer monitors come in a variety of sizes, ranging from the rather sedate 9-inch example popular with small burrowing mammals, to the slightly more uber-1337age 47-inch models favoured by teh gamerz. If you must, you can purchase a monitor from a variety of high street shops, for a very unreasonable price of 200-300 GBP. If this article were giving you advice (which it most definitely isn't), then it would certainly warn you against such a purchase. Aside from being an extraordinary expensive method of displaying your prize snaps, there have been a rumour or two of them causing problems around the body, especially in the eyes and the genitalia, notably blindness, and cancer o' th' balls. [Not sure about that last one - Ed]

Willy Waving, and God

Do what the man says, dearie.

Computer Monitor owners often take part in mine's bigger than your's competitions, but to be honest they should just give up, because no matter how large their screen, no matter how many inches they possess, they cannot beat the almighty screen belonging to none other than God. Yes, you didn't think that God have a Computer monitor, did you? Well how else did he get to the top of the CoD 4 leaderboards then? Did you seriously think that he was a filthy console gamer?

One More Thing

And anyway, if I myself were to unzip my fly and wave my willy, then I would own all of you n00bs with my awesome CRT. All 13.634 inches of it. So there. Oh, I haven't explained about CRT have I? Well, according to wikipedia, CRT monitors are the latest technology. Instead of being paper-thin, and about as sturdy as a feather, these brand new, state-of-the-art designs are thicker... Genius, eh? Some are even as thick as Gordon Brown, believe it or not. Of course, all this new technology comes at a price - Due to all the complex technology which makes them work, these new CRTs cannot be so large as the older LCD and TFT models(Witch came out sometime in 10,000 BC). But it's at least nice to know that it won't snap in half when you so much as cough in the middle of a game of Pong. However, they do cost an arm and a leg, with prices going up to £24.89, according to The Onion.

On Other Uses, and Lizards

Aside from photo viewing, there really is not much use for a monitor. Unless the monitor in question is a monitor lizard, in which case there certainly is. In fact, were this article about that sort of monitor instead, I could write a very pointless list of well-over 23-and-a-half uses for a monitor lizard! Admit it, you want to know what the half is don't you? Well I'm not going to tell you.

Conclusion

Main Article: Bill Oddie

So here we are, nearing the end of this fabulous article. Observe how the author neatly rounds up his glorious piece on the positives and negatives of Computer monitors, whilst conveniently avoiding the fact that he knows little to nothing on the subject. And neither do I, so back to the studio, before anyone starts getting suspicious.