Wheeling Jesuit University/Groups/Churchill Society, Wheeling

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Winston Churchill, patron of the Churchill Society, shows 'em how it's done.

The Churchill Society is an unofficial society formed at Wheeling Jesuit University with a rather undefined membership. Not connected in any way to the Churchill Society, London or the American equivalent. The similarity in name is purely coincidental. The Churchill Society is a stanch ally of the Council of Light.


Membership to the Churchill Society is fairly lax, although the 2002 admittance of WJU's Own Tom has compelled the society to question this policy.

The Churchill Society, Wheeling was founded in October of 2002 by an ambitious group of students from the Wheeling Jesuit University. The popular subversive campus organisation, The Infallibles, had been dismantled since 1990, leaving WJU open to acts of tyranny. The purpose of the Churchill Society is to serve as a fellowship for students with common interests. The name was taken from an earlier proposal to form a "Gentlemen's Society for Healthful Debate of Issues Concerning the Body Politic." This earlier and somewhat ponderous title was shortened to "Gentlemen's Society" until the name was changed in recognition of Sir Winston Churchill's immeasurable contributions to civilisation and his refusal to engage in policies of appeasement. Since then, the Society has been active (though not in any official capacity) in Campus Politics.

In more recent times, the Society was instrumental in the overthrow of the Junta of the 20th of September in early 2005. Most forces, including the elite "Kazachek" fighter squadron, were deployed from the Society's secret base in support of the Coup. After the successful operation, the members of the society were declared Lord-Protectors of Big Wheeling Creek.


Party agenda, like the mental state of many members of the Society, is loosely defined. However, previous activities include:

  • Subjugation of the self to movies of a horrible nature
  • Spreading the word through underground media as part of COSBI, their offshoot society
  • Harrassing colleagues and co-workers for no particular reason
  • Defending truth and logic while on lunch break
  • Protecting society from the likes of Pelikan and WJU's Own Tom
  • Eating
  • Posting articles on strange websites


Membership is confined solely to those who have achieved the twenty-nine steps of astral enlightenment, which were passed down directly from Atlantis. Further members can be admitted, but only in accord with the strict provisions laid out in the ancient rules of the order. These provisions include selecting members of the population with a cross-section of necessary skills - of course, it is only reasonable that the top government and military officials be preserved so as to continue the principles of leadership and tradition!

Political Views[edit]

Though there is a great deal of divergence in political views, there is general agreement on certain issues. Police states are strongly disliked. In addition, certain political figures are the subject of universal derision amongst the Society's membership. These leaders include, but are not limited to, Tony Blair, Silvio Berlusconi, Javier Solana, King Henry VIII, Hillary Clinton, Robert Mugabe, Lee Kwan Yew, and any member of the Kennedy political family. Also despised are tyrants and control freaks such as Clement Atlee and the House of Bourbon. The constant element in political views is a stubborn refusal to compromise with forces the Society perceives as "bad."

Role Models[edit]

In light of the Society's belief that compromise with evil is still evil, historic and political figures that refused to compromise with evil men are well-admired. Highest in the assembly of Heroes is Winston Churchill. Also held in high regard are men like Thomas More and John Paul II. The Society also has a soft spot for men of action, such as Popes Julius II and Innocent III.

Campus role models include the likes of Prince Coxar, Dr. M, Dr. X, and the Very Reverend Kevin Quirk.