Brian Eno
| Brian (Fucking) Eno | |
|---|---|
 Brian Eno wants to produce your album. With Electronics...
| |
| Background information | |
| Birth name | Brian Peter George Paul John Ringo Quazar Motherfucking Eno |
| Born | Unknown (Estimated: 1,989,456,285,090 B.C.-12-07) Mars |
| Genre(s) | Electronic, Ambient, Alien Music, Kraut Music, Brit swiping German Ideas Music |
| Occupation(s) | Musician, Alien, Transexual, Professional Badass and class act. |
| Instrument(s) | Synthesizer Vocals Guitar Piano Keyboards U.F.O. Alien Guitar |
| Years active | 1970—present |
| Associated acts | E.T., UPoop, David Bowie when he tried to be German |
Brian Eno is an English/Martian Musician, Record Producer, Starship Engineer, Electronics Guru, Alien Communicator, and outspoken Maoist whose fetish for Electricity and its sounds is so intense that he has made an entire career playing with them and releasing them as an excuse for music. While most people would find solace in the sound of a Guitar or Piano, Eno basically says "Fuck that noise" as he precedes to compose his music entirely on an Electronic Keyboard or Synthesizer, making him one of the world's foremost enthusiast for the instruments. Because of this, Eno has received monumental critical acclaim with contemporaries hailing him as one of the greatest musical innovators since Beethoven, The Beatles, or Boy George.
Taking inspiration from the folk music of his native Mars, Eno was able to incorporate sounds that were never heard before by human ears into mainstream 70's music, making him a superstar of the era, (although Martians still find his work derivative and boring.) Eno has also made a conscious effort to try and produce every single album ever made, and has managed to produce over 250 million so far, all while adding his electronic contributions to each and every one.
In addition to music, Eno spends his time communicating with aliens, and fixing up old models of U.F.O./Benz with his tribble Marx.
Early Years[edit]
“I cannot live without electronics...”
Historians and mainstream academia are still debating the exact birth date of Brian Eno, although the general consensus is that he is most likely older than the Universe itself with estimates dating back as far as 2,000,000,000,000 B.C. A common argument against adherents of this theory is how Eno could have been a Martian if he was born before the existence of the planet. This is refuted with the claim that Eno was not necessarily born on Mars, but rather Migrated there as an immigrant from space's Dark Matter Region as a young boy.
During his early childhood, Eno was exposed to the Martian music scene where sounds of ambient landscapes and quirky Boboscel Blips rang through the red sky. It was also during this time when Eno started to gain an obsessive fascination with Electricity. Many times he would be found underneath U.F.Os in the Xaquar sector of the planet playing with loose wires, seeing the sparks fly as he touched two of them together. His dreams would often include fantasies regarding electric charges, (although there were both positive and negative experiences.) These sounds and sights of electronica permeated his thoughts throughout these developmental years, resulting in him enrolling in the Quasar University of Music. There Eno took the time to study every nook, cranny, and gadget that went into making electronic music, ultimately comprising a goal to travel to earth and establish himself as an Electric God. Eno would eventually graduate with a Summa Cum-laude and a Galactic doctorate in Electric Theory.
Roxy Music, aka. "The Flamboyant Phase" 1971-73[edit]
“For the millionth time I am not gay, Brian's the gay one... uh Eno I mean...”
In 1971, Bryan "The Fairy" Ferry had gathered members together for his first musical effort Roxy Music. The early stages of the band's look somewhat resembled the mod rockers of the previous decade, an image that was dated and took no artistic liberties whatsoever. When the other members agreed on this fact, they pressured Ferry to recruit someone more cultured for the group. In the midst of the pressure, Ferry ran into the London street outside his apartment, and prayed to Jesus for the first time in his life to send a great musical genius to save the band. As soon as he finished his prayer, Ferry saw a comet-like object falling from the night sky hurling towards him at great speeds. Ferry was barely able to escape the impact sight as a small U.F.O. crash landed onto the city street. From the wreckage a tall, thin man with long blonde hair and horribly applied makeup stepped out of the ship and onto where Ferry was standing. With a EMS VSC3 in hand, Eno shredded the most gorgeous of electrical arrangements from his synth, all to the shock and amazement of Ferry. From that moment Ferry knew that his prayer had been answered, and the inclusion of Eno in the band would provide two advantages: The discovery of a new sound; and the chance to give Ferry's own flamboyentcy a run for its money.
During his time with the band, Eno was able to transform a small mod rock group into a alliance of alien superstars through his vision and determination. To mainstream audiences Eno was simply known as the woman of the group, when in fact Eno himself had yet to grasp the earthly concept of gender distinction, and his appearance was the result of this. It was known that during live performances the band would play their normal set while letting Eno occupy the far right corner of the stage in order to communicate with his fellow extraterrestrials. The sounds that his communicator would make were just taken as a new form of music, and were graciously included on the first two albums Coxy Musein' and For Her Pleasure. However the direction the group was going displeased Eno and decided to leave the band under protest.
Solo Career, aka "The Craze Phase" 1974-Present[edit]
“One day I accidentally leaned on my keyboard and voila! I created Ambient music! ”
After leaving Roxy Music because of artistic differences and sexual perplexity with The Fairy, Eno was ready to fully realize his potential as a solo artist. The first effort was with the debut album Here Comes The War Jets in which Eno attempted to explore the everyday plights of the common human being, something he was still trying to figure out at the time.