Babyfirst

Babyfirst is a TV channel made by Mr. Baby, who won first in a competition to name a TV channel. He originally called it "A Television Channel Made For Pre-Pubescent Infants and Toddlers", but everybody hated that name, so they threw stones at him until he ran away to Turkmenistan. The channel pretends it's the only educational channel for babies, but they are wrong, the first channel made for a flagrantly immature audience was Uncyclopedia. The channel is primarily targeted towards lil' bebes aged 6-months to 3 years old, but for some reason, it attracts a bunch of autistic males with messed up teeth.

Programming

Babyfirst airs programming for 6 month olds to 3 year olds. Some programs they air are as follows:

• Vocabulary: A guy named Larry White, who is a chemist teacher, secretly teams up with some other bastard in Tucson and makes crystal meth.
• Harry the Jew: Harry the Jewish bunny and his parents are sent into Bunnynow Concentration Camp, and try to escape in this comedic cartoon series youngins will love.
• Rainbow Horse: A gay horse has to keep his identity secret from his ultraconservative parents.
• Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Shake Zulah, the Mic Rular, the OLd Schoola, You Wanna Trip, I'll Bring It to Ya!, Frylock and I'm On Top Rock You Like A Cop Meatwad You're Up Next With Your Knock Knock, Meatwad Makes The Money See, Meatwad Gets The Honeys G, Drivin' in my Car, Livin' Like a Star, Ice on my Fingers & my Toes And I'm A Taurus, and Jim'bob go onto educational adventures, learning about math, language, and dusty gonzagas.

History

Babyfirst started as an ancient Egyptian cave drawing. It then evolved into even cooler cave paintings, and then even cooler cave paintings, and then less cool cave paintings. In 1928, Babyfirst launched on TVs all around the USA. Soon, more and more people signed up. During World War II, Babyfirst's signals were bombed, cutting off cult classic programs like Vocabulary, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and The Jim'bob Comedy Hour. Luckily, they built another symbol in the back of a secret underground tunnel which I can't tell you about or mommy will get mad. The channel still runs today. What the... Oh my God, I'm in some sort of white glowing room, and there's some guy in a mask picking me up, they've just cut off my umbilical cord... Oh man, I could go for some titty milk.