Ard Fé

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“If they lived in my shirt, they'd be home by now”

~ Oscar Wilde on Ard Fé

Ard Fé are a boyband from Mexico. They have a hit album, Stars of CITV. Basil Brush appears on the cover, holding some sort of potato.

Some say Ard Fé got their influences from Hard Fi, but Ard Fé have been around since the seventies, only realising that as a band they where actually supposed to release a record, so they did so earlier this year. They released their hit single, Ard To Sugerbeat. It became Number 1 in 3.65 countries, and made the group around $60. They used this money to feed their coco pops addiction.

Stars of CITV[edit]

There are 12 tracks on the album. They go as follows:

1. Cash Machine[edit]

A tribute to the bands ex-drummer, a halifax cash machino (the spanish version!) from Santa Fé

2. North Eastern holiday[edit]

Oh, the fun they had when they went to Scarbourgh

3. Tied Up Too Tight[edit]

Another tribute to a former band member, who had a hobby of locking himself in safes then chucking himself in a river. You can guess how he became an ex band member

4. Gotta Release[edit]

Yes, finally a song about an orgasm by a spanish band - " El Releaso!!"

5. Ard To Bét[edit]

About the problems one might face when you can't open the door to get in the bookies. A remix of this by Maxwell House recently failed to enter the charts, despite being the national anthem of Mexico.

6. Unnecessary Trouble[edit]

About the problems one might face when you finally get through the door to the bookies, and realise you've left your wallet in the car, and now can't get out

7. Move On Down To Mexico[edit]

An entire song listing the delights of mexico. The bands shortest song

8. Better Do Bétting More Often[edit]

A song that reminds you to visit the bookies more often so you can work out how to open the damn doors

9. Felthameo Is Singing Outside The Supermercardo[edit]

A tribute to Ard Fé's brother band, Felthameo, who all mysteriously disappeared one day. Some say they went into El Netteo and never came out. Apparently the haunt the stores. So thats why the beans are so cheap...

10. Living for the Fin De Semana[edit]

Hasn't got quite the same ring to it as their british counterparts, but at least they're trying

11. Stars of CITV[edit]

Guest performances from the stars of 'My Parents Are'nt Aliens, But, Hey, You Know, Thought We'd Make A Show Anyway'

12. Ard to Sugarbeat[edit]

Thier best track, entailing the life of a piece of sugarbeat, from field to the shelves

Forth Coming Releases[edit]

The band are thinking of releasing a new album, Disco's In Santa Fé, but its yet to be confirmed. Rumour has it that they are trying to combine folk, classical, hip hop and house.


Their lead singer, Ricardo Archereo, apparently said, "My god, is that what music sounds like? I thought what we were doing was music" at this point he spotted our reporter and proceeded to make funny and unnecessary noises until we went away.

Upcoming Events[edit]

Ard Fé are planning on doing a tour of Great Britian, early next year. We suggest that anyone living near their gigs leave home for a week or too.

Latest News[edit]

Disco's in Santa Fay has been confirmed, and the band are set too tour. They are playing at several venues over the next few months, including most ASDA's.

The album supposedly has a secret track on it, which can only be listened to if it is played whilst under a snowy owl.

For more information on Ard Fé, Look in your local jail, where you'll be sure to find the bands bassist.

Their new single, Felthameo Is Singing Outside The Supermercardo, will be released just before christmas, and will include the song's video on the disc. Bookies have given it odds of 2000/1 of becoming the christmas number 1. Unfortunately, no one can put any sort of bet on because we're all stuck in the doorway, trying to get in/out/shake it all about

Visit the official Ard Fé website on [1]