White blood cells

A white blood cell in his typical uniform.

White blood cells are cells used in the immune system to defend against foreign materials, infectious disease, and illegal immigrants attempting to become undocumented citizens of the body. White blood cells are produced from multi-potent cells in the marrow, the center of your bones. Marrow is made up of millions of tiny communities in which baby white blood cells are born and forcibly recruited into the armed forces. Therefore, when a human breaks a bone, thousands of these tiny communities experience an apocalyptic event in which they descend into anarchy and become Rebel Cells.

Appearance

White blood cells are white (duh), spherical blobs with nipples all over them. Only rarely are they seen carrying weapons. Their most common weapon of choice is the AK-47, however, this is only a rare case, as very few people swallow firearms. As infants, white blood cells have very small nipples. As they grow, their nipples become longer and stronger, until they can use them to propel themselves through the liquid substance of body fluids.

Employment

All white blood cells are made for the sole purpose of defending the body from pathogens, such as viruses. Viruses are nasty little single-cell organisms that invade the body like aliens, attacking the innocent citizens of your body. They drill a large, painful needle into the cells skin, and plant their eggs inside their bodies. The viruses then leave them to suffer, screaming in agony as the virus baby grows inside them. When the infant virus has grown, it will a splode the innocent host, and go to start the process over again. This is where the white blood cells come in. Whenever a white blood cell sees a virus, it calls on all nearby white blood cells to approach and form an ubercumulonimbusmegacell that will engulf the virus and swallow it into its white, sticky, nipple-ey mass and squish it around until a rupture forms in the glassy pilot module of the virus vessel. They will then proceed to extend their nipples into the virus cab and strangle the pilot. The operator of the virus will experience very much pain, as it screams for backup over the radio, until it accepts it's inevitable fate of being devoured.

Civil Rights Movement

After a long period in which there was much inequality, all of the black blood cells decided that they had had enough discrimination. They protested, and that's pretty much all that happened, since all the other blood cells didn't really have anything against them.

Rebel Blood Cells

A male and female white blood cell fending off an attack from several ninja rebel cells.

Not to be confused with Red blood cells, these little jerks are the result of broken bones (see first paragraph). In their defense, they were traumatized by the sight of their entire microscopic zip code being destroyed, but what they do is totally uncool and illegal. Rebel cells often resemble ninjas, bikers, confederacy soldiers, and Syrians.