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Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

Xab

Small island off the coast of Denmark, now popular amongst drug-raddled aging rock stars as the holiday resort. Consequently, while the average income for an islander still remains 2.3 kroner (about forty cents), a hotel bedroom in the run-down hotel Los Smegaros, will set you back roughly seventy thousand dollars for a single night.

Xababrek

A small and painful swelling on the perineum caused largely by rubbing the area with cheap newspaper. The print is the problem - printer's ink contains bubo17, a poisonous substance that is absorbed by and irritates the skin. If the area is not disinfected regularly, Xabarek will result. If allowed to continue without proper treatment, the genitals will dissolve.

Xabakluf

A small musical instrument that is traditionally made from the remains of an old piano. While it rarely has keys, it always has at least four strings. Most commonly found now in Central Russian peasant bands, the xabakluf has gone out of favour with the orchestra of today. The last time it was used in a fully-orchestrated production was at Ravenna in AD76, when Nero played one while Rome burned.

Xabatul

Queen Xabatul was the third-century queen of Palmyra. Famed for her sacking of the Turkish city of Deli't, she went on to establish herself as the consort of most of the kings and princes in the region, the hussy.

Xaman

Pikal Zaman is the first president of the newly-liberated African state of Delaware. Formerly a US-protectorate, Delaware is to be renamed M'dela!wi (the '!' is the Zulu click vocalization) in a ceremony hosted by the ex-governor of Austria, Arnold Schwartzegruber.

Xamayb

The xamayb tree is indigenous to a large part of the Southern hemisphere, though it wasn't discovered until 2003. The oil that can be refined from its sap is of use to the automotive industry and thus means that the extinction of the xamayb tree is almost certainly going to occur by the end of 2006.

Xamen

Xamen is the largest ad agency in the world, producing classic ads for almost every industry that exists. Its most successful series of ads were the ones depicting George Bush as potential Presidential material, while its least were probably the set it made for the new (and failed) range of specialist Levi-brand Incontinence Denims.

Misplaced

1. In the wrong or an unexpected location.
2. Daughter of Mr. Placed.

Xamoyn

The generic name for the remains of a balloon after it has burst. Scientists at the Balloon Dynamics Centre at MIT have estimated that each balloon-burst scenario leaves a residue of seven to nineteen entirely useless xamoyn. See also Xamoyn.

Xamuyl

Jewish celebration, roughly coincident with the Christian Lent, in which Jews commemorate the successful hitching of a ride in the desert. Orthodox Jews stand for forty days and forty nights, resisting lewd temptations from a Catholic priest and attempting to thumb down a passing truck. On the fortieth day, one stops and takes them on to the nearest town with a kosher restaurant.

Xanthaphobia

Xantha, a small town in New Mexico (pop.62) is entirely populated by insane drag queens and redneck prison warders, all of whom are married to each other. Anyone who has ever been there suffers from Xanthaphobia.

Xanthippe

A small lozenge-shaped fruit from Southern India that mysteriously tastes exactly like a single bite from a Snickers bar (without the nuts or wrapping). Weird, huh?

XD

It is a symbol commonly used in instant messengers, IRC chatrooms and other hunting grounds for paedophiles. it is an acronym standing for eXtreme Difficulty. it is used to notify other users that one has no ample understanding of the english language, or of any other modern tongue and therefore reverts to communicating by using "emoticons" made up of letters. it is also used to notify that one has a horrible habit of starting sentences with the word "it".

Xena

(n.)A mystical Greek Lesbian wielding large fallic like swords and whips,set on the domination of the earth. One of the species "MAKESME-ERECTUS". Xena's can be found in the closets of pre-pubescent boys, underneath the beds of the mysterious "COMICSMAKESMEERECTUS" a native of North America who gets their jollies from reading limited edition comic books and in the coffeetable of that strange elderly man down the street who sits with a bowl of candy in his lap and always stares at the little kids when they walk by.

Xeno

Greek philosopher who came up with the world-famous 'Xeno's Paradox', which stated that, for example, an arrow can never hit a tortoise for a number of very cogent reasons. All bollocks, of course. I've fired arrows at hundreds of tortoises in my neighbourhood and got them every time.

Xenon

Break open a flourescent light and a gas is released. That's Xenon. Get a friend to breathe it in and speak. You'll laugh like a drain when their voice gets really high and squeaky - then they die. Xenon is a deadly and fast-acting poison and nobody who breathes it in can survive. Well, you never really liked them anyway. You stood downwind? Oops.

Xenophobia

n. The morbid fear of Buddhists.

Xenotransplantation

Xenotransplantation is a cover-all word that simply means to move item x from location a to location b in order to achieve object y. In layman's terms this could be the equivalent of moving your cat (x) from where it's presently taking a crap in your shoe (a) and throwing it over the fence into next door's back yard (b) so it craps there instead (y). See, it's not complicated at all. See also Xenotransplantation

Xenu

Ghost writer of Salman Rushdie

Xerox

A company that used to produce high-quality photocopiers. It then discovered how to produce high-quality $100 bills. The entire board of directors is now serving four thousand life sentences for single-handedly destroying the economy of the United States by releasing $197trillion over a single weekend. Helluva weekend though!

Xerxes

A sexually-transmitted disease you can only catch from Kings, you dirty royal bastard.

XHTML

The precursor to what we now know as simple HTML. XHTML was developed over a period of seventy years or so - ever since computers were invented - by the same company that was responsible for such classics as CPM and DR-DOS. Before they could publish the results of their research however, the idea was stolen by Bill bloody Gates, the thieving shit. Sadly, both XHTML and HTML have now gone the way of the dodo.

xi

14th letter of the Greek alphabet, 19th letter of the Latin alphabet, 12th letter of the French alphabet, 75th letter of the Simplified Chinese alphabet, 216th letter of the - you get the picture.

Xian

A follower of Malcolm X, the designer of the celebrated Pompidou Centre in Paris. Hang on a minute - that might not be right. I'll just go and check it in Wikipedia...

Xida

pronounced (ze-da)

v. to act in a gay manner; usually accompanied with touching, feeling and nudging.

History: Many people over the years have always wondered why the word "gay" could not be used as a verb. People have tried saying "Stop gaying me!", but that just in turn made them look like a gay fag wanting to do something kinky in public rather than insult the person in front of them. So one day, from deep in the realms of BS, came a sinister looking person. Everyone looked up and gasped for next to the sinister looking figure was a sign, written in fresh blood the word "Xida".

XIT

A sign above an emergency door that you can almost, but not quite, completely see.

xix

The number nineteen Roman notation. And they wonder why the Roman Empire fell?

xxxvii

The number thirty-seven Roman notation. And they wonder why the Roman Empire fell?

Xixotpuntalpuanalopl

An Incan deity (probably). Xixotpuntalpuanalopl demanded the sacrifice of four hundred virgins on the first day of every lunar month. Understandably, he was expunged from the Incan pantheon pretty damn quickly.

Xmas

The day of the year on which we celebrate the birth of the humble alphabeticist, Malcolm X. He was famous for many things but is probably best known for inventing G-Plan furniture, the U-bend and the F-Plan diet. Sadly, his reputation suffered a lasting blow when he came up with the A-bomb.

Xorro

Zorro's far sexier younger brother.

Xtra Xtra, President Bush in suicide pact with Dick Cheney!

The only headline we actually want to hear shouted at us in the street.

Xygote

A small, mountain-dwelling goat-like creature found in Xy province in Northern China. Though similar in look and stature, it is not actually a goat at all. Hence the spelling, you moron.

Xylocarp

n. a product of genetic engineering, part musical instrument, part fish.

Xyzgy

The process of parthenogenesis, where rather than give birth things split into two identical things (like amoeba), you take two things and make it... one! This can be easily demonstrated thus: onething = onething + onething. DO NOT try this yourself - it doesn't work. Not even with a chainsaw.

XYZZY

Fool.

Xzoyt

The word for that channel that runs from the bottom-middle of your nose to the curly bit on your top lip. It should be noted that no other mammal has one of these. Darwinism suggests that it was evolved specifically to separate the two halves of the moustache, ancient man being something of a fashion victim and combs not having been invented yet. Modern popular belief has it that the longer the channel, the stupider the man.