Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:You Should Never Mess with the Space Time Continuum (Second Review)

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Why?:You Should Never Mess with the Space Time Continuum[edit]

Indepth please. Thanks!- Iwillkillyou.gif 333.gif TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 04:44, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Averagely funny. Too much not relevant descriptions that does not contribute to the overall ideas dimmed the bright spots of the article(playing bass, donkey-ass thing, etc.). Too much random jokes. Too much things that might not seemed funny to most of the people(being turned into a frog isn't exactly funny, nor is "pie bombs"). Consider delete some contents and put more emphasize specific things. Rephrase the jokes so that they're funnier and stands out more.

(e.g.:Original sentence: For example, see that rock-star right there? He plays the bass, but instead of a bass guitar, he plays a bass fish. Amazing, isn't it? He also looks like my nephew. Oh, you have a question young lady? Of course you can! Have my nephew's number after the trip; he needs a girlfriend anyways so he can stop hanging around my apartment.
New sentence: Oh, we got a bass-player here. Got something for him to sign? (we don't need you to explain the difference between "Bass", and the girlfriend stuff is certainly irrelevant and diverted the humor.))

Concept: 3 A very repeatedly used idea. Go to a different universe and how everything is different.
Prose and formatting: 5 Average. Eliminate the use of repeating questions. Use a more descriptive voice.
Images: 8 Nice picture choice(well, maybe not that shooting banana stuff.) You can construct a clear image in the reader's mind. Consider to add more to express your idea.
Miscellaneous: 5 Too much wasted usage of great ideas. For some quasi-ADHD guys like me reading through your article is a real struggle. Not that your ideas aren't nice, but you need to organize your ideas in a better way.
Final Score: 25 You have a nice collection of ideas but is using too much noncontributing information. Clean up some and it will be much better.
Reviewer: --Flymousechiu (talk) 23:36, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
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