I had trouble coming up with a suitable ending, if you find problems with it and could possibly offer ideas on how to improve it, feel free to let me know. Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell • Latest literary excretion) __ 02:35, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
- You see, i wanted to review this but i think i honestly must have ADD, because Tick Tock would not stop playing in my head...and i hate that god damn song. To tell you the truth, the song is still stuck in my head, so screw you. Nah im just kidding. But seriously i couldn't concentrate. Sorry --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 18:10, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
- So does that mean you are going to review it, or not? If not it seemed pretty unnecessary to tell me that since you didn't already post that you were going to review it. Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell • Latest literary excretion) __ 01:02, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Well there you go. You just proved by ADD theory...sorta. I'll try to review it later, but first i need some really powerful headphones and a Dragonforce song. Although then i wont be able to concentrate because that song is to loud. SO maybe you can slap me every time i get of topic and then a i can review it. I'll try and get to it later, but if someone get's it first then let em' take it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 16:16, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
Humour:
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7.5
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*Intro Nice intro gets you into the 2nd person format of the article. Its also pretty funny just imagining yourself as an aging rapper even though it contradicts with the rest of the article. But I'll get to that.
- Your toothpaste is next to the hairspray. LOL This really just shows how inconvenient brushing with Jack is and how the author is trying to warn the subject in a way of s/he's idiocy. I thought the fetish joke was okay here, had no clue it was going to be an entire section.
- Jack Daniels Fetishist A little easy here, but you made the topic while kind of...idk just expected and easy into something rather humorous and fun. The whole Anthony Kennedy thing really made it stand out along with Joseph McCarthy, you didnt go the way I expected and thats a very good thing.
- Does P. Diddy have anything to do with this? I like this small little section, when I read the section head I imagine an angry father telling this to his daughter with a small crack in his voice. The satanic message kind of steers off course from rapping, but its random and funny so cant knock it.
- Does Mick Jagger have anything to do with this? Similar to the P.Diddy thing but more in tune with Rock, stellar job.
- Does your reputation as a spoiled drunken whore have anything to do with this? Perhaps the weakest section, still rather funny though. There isnt really a weak section in this article, I found this pretty nice. The whole gingivitis joke is great.
- None of the above? I can see why you say your ending needed work, I dont know if its still quite where it needs to be, I mean this doesn't answer the grand question of Why but maybe you never meant for it to. Still its good, funny and a retread of Anthony Kennedy made me chuckle.
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Concept:
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7.5
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Such a weird line to a song and such a weird article to dissect it. While it gets a bit weird at times with the characters (and I'll elaborate on that more in prose) its well executed and I'll never be able to listen to that Ke$ha song the same way.
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Prose and formatting:
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7
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Its well written but one thing that kind of bothers me, is Ke$ha is not an aging rapper yet you refer to her as one. Though I suppose all of us are aging it just doesn't fit unless this of course is not supposed to be her, but then you make it seem like her when you call her a drunken whore. Other that its pretty well formatted and the tone is good.
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Images:
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8
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All of the images are great but for the Mick Jagger one try to find one that gives a closer up look at his pearly whites, I know what your aiming for but its so far away the direct humor is a bit lost. I love the first pic of the bottle of Jack "not best alternative to toothpaste" just a good caption and pic.
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Miscellaneous:
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8
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Does P.Diddy have anything to do with this?!! I love how this whole article is just highly concerned with the fact that someone is brushing their teeth with whiskey and rather expensive whiskey at that.
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Final Score:
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38
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This is good I dont have really anything to say you can improve except maybe the ending and making it more clear if this is just anybody or its more tuned towards Ke$ha. Fix that and then I think you can try it out for VFH.
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Reviewer:
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--Dr. Fenwick 15:26, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
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