Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:ImNotASunbeam/Showers
Showers[edit]
It got suggested that I should submit this article to a Pee Review in order to receive some good criticism. I think the last two sections of the page need a bit more work however I'm not sure how to expand on what I've got without looking like more of a prat than I already do.
ImNotASunbeam 10:26, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
- User:ImNotASunbeam/Showers is the correct link, for those who want to review this. --
-kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 16:19, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | Well, this was solid, if nothing else. It wasn't random and pointless humor. It had structure and all that, but there was definitely something missing. There were two major problems I found here.
The first one, is that, you don't really say anything funny. You just talk about the history and how it came to be. This is ok, but you just made up a bunch of nonsense that probably didn't happen. What you should do, is make it funnier by telling the REAL story of how showers came to be, and poke fun at that. Also, when you do that, make more jokes. Say some funny things that are creative. Put a funnier take on what you are writing. The funniest thing here is the quote, and that really wasn't even that funny. |
| Concept: | 3 | I think this is why your humor is so bad. I think this is what is wrong. Well, this is a satire site right? Meaning that we make fun of things in the world. Some topics, have the potential to be very funny. Others, really don't though. If you think about it, there really isn't anything funny about showers in the normal sense. I feel, the only way to save this topic, is to create something ocmpletely new. Don't write about showers, but write a completely new take on showers. You could use a pun or just be creative. Other than that, this is a poor topic. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Pretty strong here. I only have a few things to suggest here. First, your beginning quote says on twice, so you should fix that. Also, you shouldn't make sections with only one two lined paragraph in it. This is too short and ends up looking messy. This also is WAY too short. You need to flesh out your last two sections. Tihs means you need to expand them and explain them better so that you not only add humor, but also make your article look better. |
| Images: | 4 | There is only one, and most good articles have three or four. It isn't that funny either. But it isn't completely random so its decent. Try looking for some funnier pictures for this. Also, shorten the caption on the one you have now. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.5 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 22.5 | Nice attempt at a weak concept. You need to flesh it out but I would suggest just either completely starting over, or trying a new topic. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:08, 23 February 2009 (UTC) | |