Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:The Case for Infinite Copyright
UnBooks:The Case for Infinite Copyright[edit]
PLS nominee of mine. It didn't win anything, so clearly it needs work. Feedback? Saberwolf116 (talk) 17:00, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
- Alright, I will start out by saying that I am not a huge fan of the Review table format, so if this isn't a normal review, my apologies. I will probably be interchanging general article advice and specific fix ideas throughout. Just remember that this is one guy's thoughts, so take everything with a grain of salt. The Woodburninator
Minimal Effort ™ 03:49, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | To start out, as an outside observer, I expected this article to be about a court case of some kind. Once I began reading it, I realized what it really meant, but that confusion still arose. I would suggest moving this to "The Argument for Infinite Copyright" instead of "The Case..." just to add a little clarity. I suppose this isn't a huge deal, but as a reader it did take me a little while to realize my mistake.
In general, this article seems to be missing a lot of chances for humor. I would say the concepts and the ideas are there, but you need to take a lot of them further. For instance, one of the best chances you have for satire in this article is in pointing out the ridiculousness of various artists making millions of dollars per year, fighting tooth-and-nail against piracy (Legitimately or not), and not understanding why the general public (mostly middle class) is not on their side. You have a line about artists needing food stamps in order to afford food because of piracy. You can go a bit further with this, or at least enrich the image you are painting. For me, it would be funnier if rich people's lives are being effected in minimal ways that most regular people couldn't even fathom instead of them going completely broke. Since the article's narrator is sounding pretty straight-laced you would want to follow through with that. Something along the lines of "Some of the quintessential artists of our generation (you could add examples of various shitty/popular artists if you feel) are having to change their way of life- their children being forced to suffer with iPhone4S's, instead of advance copies of the iPhone5- all because of the album sales that they are losing. All because of piracy." Not that that would be a perfect line, but you get the idea. Go a little further with the jokes, and sharpen up the language a bit. Use some fancy vocabulary if you can! (A specific idea in this article that I like is linking pirates of yesteryear with internet pirates. See if you can have the Narrator go to great lengths to try and compare rape and murder with clicking a button on your computer. If he can try to conclude that internet piracy is somehow worse, even better.) Going hand-in-hand with the idea of taking some of these jokes further, I would address the narrator's role in this. The idea of an Infinite Copyright, and Shakespeare's great, great, etc. Grandchildren making money off of his works 400 years later is a joke. The idea would be to make the Narrator the only one who doesn't get the joke. The tricky part is making something funny because A. The thing that was said was ridiculous and funny, and B. The person who spoke believes what they say, and doesn't understand that they are being ridiculous or funny. It is a tight line to walk, but if you can execute it, this article would really benefit. Sharpening up the language would also help make the Narrator a bit funnier. If he can write eloquently, and seems to be fairly intelligent in that regard, it makes his insane views on Infinite Copyright even more ridiculous. I won't try and write jokes for you, but if you can do those things throughout the entire article, you should be able to really add a lot of humor to the article. I don't usually support just adding "jokes" to an article, but if you follow through with this more humor and jokes should flow naturally throughout. |
| Concept: | 8 | I like the concept here. For me, the article works well with the right-wing Narrator making constant comments about Communism and Socialism. I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time it was done, but that doesn't really matter to me. Execution counts for 95% of the grade in general. I also appreciate that, while the narrator says some pretty stupid things, he is saying them with some fairly intelligent prose. Again, I feel like a lot of the humor is hiding underneath the article right now. If you can get it pop out, the concept shouldn't stand in its way. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | I fixed a few little spelling errors while reviewing this. (Hope you don't mind!) I still see a few their/they're errors. They're = They are. I would also try and do something with the "greatx30" line. As of right now it looks a little odd. I'm sure there is a better way of writing that, but I'm not sure exactly what that would be. |
| Images: | 9 | The images work very well here. The second one in particular stood out to me. I like that you created the book cover for this. Right now it is a little bland, but that's probably just the graphic designer in me. The Disney logo that you found works great. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | This is a number that I feel like would sum up your article as of now... but I really hate giving grades like this to articles. If I were you, I would try to read some of the advice, and completely ignore all of the scores. They mean next to nothing. |
| Final Score: | 34.5 | Whatever the number to the left says, I do not really care about it. The idea for this article is definitely there. Just try and follow through with what you are setting out to do. Do not be afraid to expand on anything if you feel the need. Again, all of the ideas and critiques I gave you are only the thoughts of one guy, so take what you will from all of it. And, of course, if something in this review is confusing, or if you want me to look over any changes that you make, just leave me a message on my talk page. Happy Writing! |
| Reviewer: | The Woodburninator  Minimal Effort ™ 06:18, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
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