UnBooks:The Case for Infinite Copyright
Introduction: Protecting Your (Our) Property
We are faced with a crisis in the digital age. All across the world, moral-less, pot-smoking teenagers are violating the God-given sanctity of copyright with their fellow "filesharing" delinquents. Artists are dying of malnutrition without the money from their album sales to buy food stamps with. Musicians are being deprived of the right to allow their great great great great great great great grandchildren to inherit their rights. This book explores the need to protect the Intellectual Property of the creators, and castrate the pirates.
Filesharing: "Sharing" or Communism?
"Filesharing" is far too benevolent name for this abhorrent practice that undermines everything our God-fearing planet stands for. We are a society founded upon one simple principle: pay up. By "sharing" their music with their friends, neighbors, and high-pierced call-girls, pirates are destroying our glorious free market and bringing us closer and closer to communism. Were Lenin alive today, he would not doubt approve of thousands of hard working CEOs being deprived of their yachts by those who refuse to pay $50 for a DVD, fair and square.
Piracy is killing music and movies. And it's communism.
A Modest Proposal: Behead the Pirates
In ancient times, pirates were considered the lowest of the low: they plundered merchants, stealing their goods and raping their women. In return, most societies came up with the harshest punishments imaginable: hanging, beheading, or firing squad if they were lucky. With these deterrents, piracy was, ultimately, completely squashed. After all, if you make something illegal with harsh punishments, everyone stops doing it out of fear.
Our modern day thieves should be treated no differently. Downloading music and movies destroys our entertainment industry that provides us with joy, laughter, and Kim Kardashian's ass. Since the inception of online piracy, the film industry's profits have plummeted, and Hollywood is on the verge of bankruptcy. The 2010 film Avatar 's meager turnout was barely enough to cover its budget, and pirates took millions from its profits. What, then, should we do to stop this travesty?
The answer is simple: it's time to get all Robespierre on their asses. Pirates are nothing less than the robbers of our livelihood and the epitome of evil in the modern world. It is perfectly fitting that they be given the same punishment as their Somali counterparts. Only then can Rupert Murdoch be safe to reign over us.
Perpetual Copyright: Think Of the Trans-children!
As has been demonstrated numerous times in the past, perpetual copyright benefits everyone in society. Artists, safe in the knowledge that their evolutionary descendants can continue to sue on their graves, will thus work a million times harder to create greater art for all. If artists can't be sure that they're greatx30 grandchildren can inherit their fortunes, what motivation would they have to work?
As technology advances, we must now more than ever think of the livelihood of our next logical evolutionary step. Trans-humans, those half-human, half-robot...things that will no doubt supersede us over time, will no doubt have even greater needs than ours. They will absolutely need the profits of our labors in order to build up a society. I mean, yeah, they'll have replicators and everything...but money will...
The "Public Domain"-Karl Marx's Wet Dream
Tragically, copyright is currently limited to a mere 50 or 70 years after you have shuffled off this mortal coil. This means that your grandchildren's only source of income is permanently revoked from them arbitrarily by the government. The government is encouraging a welfare state by forcing the descendants of artists to feed off of social programs instead of feeding off of their grandparents! Clearly, we must not encourage this kind of welfare. Instead, we must encourage copyright extensions, which are not welfare. The difference? The government isn't handing it out.
And in what name do we take away the rights of the descendants? For a vast pool of muck known as the public domain. Here, nobody owns anything. Everyone can use anything for anything they want. Want to wipe Beethoven's Symphony on your ass after you take a dump? Done. Want to piss on Ulysses while waving a British flag and shouting "FUCK IRELAND"? Caaaaaan-do. This is Karl Marx at his finest-public ownership and property is the basic tenet of communism. We must abolish this horrible land of anarchy and disrespect.
Conclusion: Copyright Shall Not Be Wronged
In the uncertain world of creating, producing, and innovating, the artist must triumph above all. Is it not just to give the artist the ability to control your reading and sharing of his work, and throw you in jail if you step out of line? The answer is obvious, and transcends even logic. Copyright is the only thing keeping us from becoming the Soviet Union. Are you a Soviet?