Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sonichu

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Sonichu

First try writing something here. Please bear in mind the somewhat in-jokey nature of the content. -Precious Star (talk) 16:52, November 19, 2014 (UTC)

I'll try and tackle this one tomorrow. --ChiefjusticeXBox 21:02, November 19, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks very much! I'll take on board your criticisms and rewrite some stuff. I might just re-do the characters section entirely. And no, I didn't edit a wiki before this; getting the infobox right involved a LOT of clicking Preview before I had it. --Precious Star (talk) 21:10, November 20, 2014 (UTC)

Good show, let me know if I can help you out further. --ChiefjusticeXBox 21:11, November 20, 2014 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Hello! Welcome to Uncyclopedia. I must start this review by professing only a passing familiarity with the character upon which this article is based and the back-story relating to that, I have never actually read the webcomic. I can only apologise if I don't pick up on all of the jokes here but hopefully I can still offer some meaningful criticism. The article was a pleasant surprise, especially from somebody so new to the wiki, I was gratified to see that the article was not simply bashing the concept and being derogatory about it but rather taking a more original route at making fun of Sonichu. That being said there are some lingering issues and some changes that I would suggest in relation to the article and your writing. As I mention above I do like the concept and the idea of mocking Sonichu by exaggerating its success, however I did find that your descriptions of the characters more than outstayed their welcome and there was a considerable amount of material that did not seem to belong. Permit me to expand: the concept of Sonichu itself is already fairly ridiculous, it seems to me that you have very little to gain by exaggerating that. It strikes me that a more sarcastic introduction of the characters would suit better than a mostly made up one. Readers are unlikely to be particularly interested in wading through long paragraphs of blatantly made up material, I found myself switching off when going through the descriptions of Sonichu and Rosechu. Satire of the existing facts would serve you much better than simply making up information to fill the space, for instance it would be better to say "Darth Vader: One of the main antagonists of the Star Wars films, hobbies include choking the life out of rebel scum and subordinate officers." than it would be to say "Darth Vader: One of the main antagonists of the Star Wars films: Married to a very attractive table lamp and member of the California Highway Patrol". While these are two extremes I hope it illustrates my point. People who read your article will either know who Sonichu is, and will be looking for an amusing take on the character and the webcomic and won't be particularly interested in made up information. Or your reader won't have heard of Sonichu and will probably guess that the information is made up. I understand the feeling of needing to fill the article with jokes, but where your original concept is already fairly comical there is little need to exaggerate further. My suggestion would be to restrict your descriptions to information actually given in the webcomic and present it in an amusing way or exaggerate based on what actually happens. This segues into my next point, I was surprised you did not make it more explicit that the actual webcomic is of a very poor standard, you do imply this on several occasions but it never really went far enough to establish any sort of sarcasm within the narrative. I'd suggest that you state some of the shortcomings of the webcomic and present them as positives, this is a very useful style for articles taking the approach you seem to be favouring here. Saying something like "Sonichu was quickly snapped up by DC comics who, when asked for comment, explained that Sonichu's unique hand-drawn art style and one-dimensional characters would be very easy to incorporate into the DC comics multiverse." or "Critics have raved about "Sonichu: The Movie, littering their reviews with phrases like "Not as long as some films" and "The best fan comic-crossover film based on a fusion of Sonic and Pikachu I've seen this year". This not only signposts readers who are less aware of Sonichu to the fact that it is not particularly good but also provides a joke for those more familiar with the work. At the moment the article goes a bit too overboard with its praise for Sonichu and the fictional accolades it heaps upon it, I'd suggest you try and tone this back a bit to a more believable level and rather than claiming that Sonichu has been awarded a Nobel Prize, come up with something a bit more low-key. The key to the success of your concept, as I see it, is presenting Sonichu as a great success while taking great pains to point out of its flaws, you do this at the moment but very sporadically and with limited consistency. The best example of it is within the section discussing the author, having done some background reading into the webcomic I am aware of what you are doing here and you do it well, but again I can't help but feel you would do better to damn with fine praise rather than omitting real life entirely and just presenting the opposite of reality. This brings me to the prickly subject of in-jokes, your article's style assumes the reader is already on board with Sonichu and the events that took place when it was first noticed on the internet. In my general experience you are expecting a lot of your reader here, many people will not know who Sonichu is and, in my view, you'd be better served to use a style that helps them to understand. As it is you could read this article and have no idea that you are making fun of the author when you discuss him or that you are mocking the series when you describe its success. As the article stands a reader could work this out from the images and the infobox, but this is time that they could spend reading, and the simple fact is that some people won't. The suggestions I give here are intended to try and help you widen the scope of the article's appeal by giving some explanation of the webcomic and the events surrounding it, while still retaining your stylistic choices. If your attitude is that the article is just for Sonichu fans or people who know what it is already then that is your choice and you don't have to change it, however Uncyclopedia articles are for everybody and it's better that everybody can find something amusing in every article while fans of a subject can get even more from the more subtle references. You write fluently and your jokes are generally well-written, beyond the tendency to over indulge in made-up information your jokes are good and there are some really excellent parts of this article. My enduring feeling on reaching the end was that there is potential for much more here and that with a little work and a bit of tweaking to the style of the jokes this could be a fantastic article rather than just a good one. Don't misunderstand me, not all of the jokes need to be re-jigged some are fine as they are, others just need a small amount of tweaking to help the reader understand where you are coming from. Read through the article as though you know nothing about the concept, ask yourself what questions you would need answered to understand what the particular sections are doing and see if you can come up with a way to incorporate a bit of explanation.
Concept:	7	I mentioned this a couple of times already but I'll mention it again here because that's what this section is for: I like the concept it works well, my feeling is just that it is executed in the wrong way. See above for most of my comments on that. Your tone is pretty good and the article, for the most part, reads like a Wikipedia article. However, there are just a couple of occasions where you use language that doesn't seem to work with the tone. Make sure that where you use phrases like "kicking evil right up its dirty, crapped arse." or any other non-encyclopaedic comment you put them into inverted commas or find some excuse to include them. You do well with this throughout and I only spied a couple of occasions where you slipped up. Not much more to add here.
Prose and formatting:	8	The article is well presented, exceptionally so for such a new user, what wiki did you edit before here? Are perhaps you one of our old administrators in disguise? Regardless your wiki skills are immaculate and you have actually got the infobox fulfilling a purpose, which is always worth remarking upon. The only thing I will bring up here is that the article could do with another image. Perhaps one of the SFW images of Chris would be helpful since, from what I have read about Sonichu, he is actually the main character. You've got lots of space near the bottom for a new image and it would be a missed opportunity not to include one. Have a read of your article and see what points or jokes you feel could be expanded upon with an image.
Images:	7	The images that there are work well, the main issue is that they dry up towards the end of the article. As an aside, try to utilise your captions a bit better, expand upon jokes made in the text rather than starting new ones. I like the joke in the caption on the image of Sonichu, but it would have more of an impact if there was a bit mentioning this in the text.
Miscellaneous:	7	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	35	Reading back a lot of this criticism a lot of it is in relation to the style of the article. The article as it is right now has some really good jokes in it but I feel like people who know less about Sonichu won't pick up on them. You write well and it would be a shame to lose potential readers simply because there isn't enough effort going into introducing them to the article. The choice of style is yours, if it were me I'd look at altering the style to make fun of Sonichu by praising its negative qualities rather than the approach you favour, of mocking Sonichu by giving the opposite of the truth. I think that there's potential for you to create some hybrid of these style incorporating the praise for the negative aspects of Sonichu whilst perpetuating the current feel of the article. Whatever you decide I would encourage you to tone down the praise and to be careful of making up information needlessly, this is off-putting for everybody and when your source material is as comical (see what I did there?) as this there isn't much need for it. I hope this review is of some use to you in taking the article forward, it merely represents my opinion, and that is worth as much as anybody else's. I would encourage you to ask some of our other users on their talk pages for feedback on the article, most will be happy to help, the administrators are generally the safest bet if you aren't sure. If you have any comments, questions or problems then please make free with them on my talk page. Well done and good luck making your changes.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeXBox 20:52, November 20, 2014 (UTC)