Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Laws of Physics (Lost count of what review it is)
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Laws of Physics[edit]
Putting this up since I just nommed it on VFH and would like to have a fresh review by someone who hasn't reviewed yet, and is not Hyperbole. Thanks.J-Shea 03:52, 22 February 2009 (UTC)
- You really haven't done much since the last review. Like I said before, your main problem is a lack of content in the List of laws, and too much random/rambling in the intro and conclusion sections. --Mnb'z 18:41, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
- There's not much more we can tell you that hasn't already been said in one place or another. Mnbvcxz is right that the list of laws should be the focus of the article. It might even warrant expansion into subsections for each law if you can elaborate on them sufficiently. IronLung 22:20, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
- This is ironic. I haven't written a single story or essay or poem before that wasn't for school (ergo, this is my first "spare time"piece), and I have always had a very good body of the paper, but not so well written introclusion. Maybe someone reading this could help me with that. --J-Shea 04:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | Your one line intro of "there are seven laws of physics" either needs to be expanded or moved into the Conception section. Of which the conception section is far too long, you could just say it was created by the warner brother when holywood thought their implementation would be good in cartoons, I think this should be done because the section is not funny. You should also change the list of the seven laws of physics into a list like so (use my code if you do not know how to)
These also need expanding and a section for each should then be made and you can write at least a 5 line section on each, would greatly improve the article as you only mention these laws once and the article is on the laws, otherwise move this to the Warner Bros. section. In all this article needs to be more about the physics and less about the Warner Bros, change this and make it funny and you'll get this article featured, otherwise you won't. The list of laws is funny, so seriously, expand them! |
| Concept: | 8 | I like the concept very much, reading your list of laws is quite amusing, however how you have implemented this is all wrong, you've not talked about the concept only the warner bros and that, from what I can see is what is really letting this article down. Get rid of the WB crap, expand on the laws and you'll have a good article, it's only one thing you need to change which is why the review is so damn short. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Punctuation and grammar has little errors however the layout of the article with the floating intro line at the top make the article look messy, you should rectify this. |
| Images: | 4 | This article needs an image as an example of each law, there are a few you can use. for the first, one where while holds up a sign in midair with uh-oh on it, the second you've already got. For the third Wile E cut in half by a saw I've seen this you see. For the 4th, foghornleghorn punches and aligator and this happens do a split screen image. Roadrunner moving holes for the fifth, Tom and jerry for the sixth and I have no idea what the last one is but you get the idea. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | Averaging this at 5, a good concept and idea, implemented totally incorrectly to make an article about something else, take my advice, I've not read your other reviews but if they read the same you can take it as gospel that we know what we're talking about. |
| Final Score: | 29 | I want to see alot of changes when you review next, good luck writing the article. |
| Reviewer: | --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 13:17, 1 March 2009 (UTC) | |