Laws of Physics
“Ye cannae change 'em!”
“The laws of the universe mean nothing!”
There are seven unique Laws of Physics, which govern all motion in the universe. For every time the so called "laws of gravity" fail, there will be a laws of physics. Every time a hunter will not be able to kill a rabbit, there will be a laws of physics. Every time a hole is moved, there will be a laws of physics!
Conception[edit]
The Laws of Physics were originally created by Harry, Sam, Albert, and Jack Warner, collectively known as the Warner Brothers. Fresh out of grade school, they tried to find respectable jobs with their Art History majors. In other words, it's all just a pile of cheese. Needless to say, they were soon out of money and out of options.
Things had become desperate for the brothers. They were low on money, and the rest of them ate Albert. However, on the day before their eviction from their shitty studio apartment in the Bronx, Sam suddenly had an idea that saved their asses. He realized just how much money they would make if they published a revolutionary set of laws. Sam had heard a rumor that physics was actually caused by gnomes. The brothers worked for the whole night, and at dawn, they had finally completed the Laws of Physics.
Having successfully managed to persuade the landlord to give them one more month to pay the rent, the Warner brothers went to the Science HQ in Silicon Valley. Unfortunately, the nerds there rejected the brothers' theorems. Afterward, Albert suggested they go to Hollywood and try to start a new life.
While in Hollywood, Harry met a television executive who owned one of the TV studios. They began talking, and Harry noticed that the executive was looking for new programming. Harry mentioned the brothers' ill-fated theories, and the executive seemed very interested in possible applications of their Laws of Physics, especially in cartoons. He signed Harry and his brothers to a deal with the studio as writers/directors of their own half-hour cartoon segment, allowing them to use their superb drawing skills and their Laws of Physics as a rulebook for all actions in the segment.
The Seven Laws of Physics[edit]
These are the laws of physics used by the Warner Brothers in their half-hour segment, which came to be known as "Looney Tunes":
- A body will remain in place or in motion in free space until it notices its situation.
- Whenever a body passes through matter, it leaves a hole in the object the exact shape and size of the body itself.
- Any mutilations, disembowelments, decapitations, or other normally fatal wounds, when inflicted upon tomcats, are impermanent.
- When punched, any alligator will fly up into the air and return to the ground as a purse.
- Holes are movable.
- When stabbed with a sharp object such as a sword, a character will invariably be propelled upward.
- It is impossible to not make a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
Rise to Fame[edit]
The segment featured many animals, such as Bugs Bunny, a rascally rabbit, Elmer Fudd, who tried to catch that rascally rabbit, a sadistic roadrunner who apparently enjoyed torturing a starving coyote, and Wile E. Coyote, a supergenius who somehow couldn't figure out how to catch one bird, and refused to try catching a different one.
The Warner Brothers soon became famous for their segment, and eventually gained their own publishing company, Warner Bros. Not long afterward, scientists from Silicon Valley came on their knees begging the brothers' forgiveness.The brothers, who had gone mad with power, beat every single ass-kissing, sycophantic loser to death with ACME© rubber chickens.
Where Are They Now?[edit]
Today, the brothers spend their time trying to find better ways for their characters to die. Despite the new weapons and technology available for just such a task, the Warner brothers prefer using "old-school" head bashing in their cartoons. These efforts have clearly paid off. Even decades after they were first drawn, Tom and Jerry still excite laughs from audiences of all ages, using the most primitive of tools - like knives and banana peels.