I rewrote the most of this article and cracked jokes about Kraftwerk's lyrics about robots, technology and the like. I'm not sure if the jokes are funny enough and I could use some advice on making it funnier. --
WeatherUnderground (talk) 22:53, February 1, 2017 (UTC)
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Added 22:53, February 1, 2017 (UTC)
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[[Template:Review request/{{#time: ymd|22:53, February 1, 2017 (UTC)]]
Some suggestions perhaps?[edit]
A little bit about the reviewer
How and why is it funny? Any suggestions?
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How good is an idea behind the article?
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How good does it look and how well does it read?
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How are the images? Are they relevant, with good quality and formatting?
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The article's overall quality - that indefinable something.
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An overall summation of the article.
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SIR MAC BOSWELL ☢15:54, April 25, 2017 (UTC)
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Greetings WeatherUnderground,
My first Pee Review! I hope you don't mind. Well written by the way, just wanted to say that first.
The article, overall, just needs focussing a bit, reigning in to allow you to explore whichever themes you want to get stuck in to the most. Personally, if I was picking up from where you’ve left off I’d be tempted to move away from the music a little and spread out the explore Kraftworks ‘greatest European constructions’, in particular I’d be tempted to link them to Germany’s car manufacturing prowess and the Volkswagen Emissions Scandal. I’d be tempted to write them as being a band of musicians making robotic music, with a sinister secondary purpose of being a tool of Volkswagens propaganda. Their music could even hold subliminal messages.
As an idea, you could alter the first introductory paragraph to read like this:
“Kraftwerk are an industrial-synth music band who were formed in Düsseldorf, Germany in the 1970s. Along with their music, Kraftwerk have produced many of Europe's greatest constructions such as the European Union, the German Autobahn and the Trans-Europa Express railway. Since the Volkswagen Emissions Scandal in 2015, suspicions that Kraftwerk are cyborgs developed by Volkswagen to spread propaganda have risen again.”
As cyborgs they could even be ‘activated’ by Volkswagen and that could tie in with your ‘programming/self awareness’ ideas. It’ll open up all kinds of potential now that the reader believes there’s a huge conspiracy. Couple that with the troubles of the EU, Brexit, the comedy surrounding elections in France… you can cherry pick some high quality comedy from that.
You are of course completely free to ignore everything I've said, as I would recommend.
(PS. I’d drop the final couple of lines in the Introduction, it detracts away from the article and destroys the progess made above.)
Hope this has been of some help! |
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{{{Yes}}}
Yes