Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fruitopia
Fruitopia[edit]
As soon as I thought of the idea, the article wrote itself. In depth, please.--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 19:44, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
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It's anbout time I get in another review. 
Don 
Puttano cHeDDs 
18:54,17June,2009
| Humour: | 8.5 | Broken Into Sections...
Intro: HAha. I like it so far. I'm not positive that this is what you're going, and correct me if it isn't, but the first thing that came to my head was marijuana. The guy talking sounds like someone you'd seeing sitting in a cricle on an episode of That 70's Show. And it's hilarious. I don't get the Oreo-o thing. What was the extra o for? History: You say the guy was 1 in 1994, which would mean he's 15 or 16 now. Hopefully I was wrong about the pot thing, but if not, not a big deal. This section is funny, but you might want to re-title the section, seeing as only the 1st couple of sentences have anything to do with its history. NWAW: I'd change that thing about "Oh, did I love that one." The tone of that phrase sounds more distinguished, as opposed to a high high school student pretending to do work in Spanish Class. Try to make it something matching the tone like "That was so good, man" or "That shit's mad nice." Other than that, this section's really good, but I would try to make it lead back to Fruitopia at the end of the section. Criticism: I love the random Spanish thrown into it, that was funny. But who the hell is Carla? I thought he was talking with Cory or whatever. I like the Minute Maid thing, but wait, now who is Joe? Why exactly is it that every other student can here the conversation perfectly, but the teacher doesn't? Just something to think about it, the content here is very funny. He finally gets busted, which is funny, but I really hate to see it end without a mention of Fruitopia. I don't know how, and it's good without it, but it might be an extra tiny bump in my opinion. |
| Concept: | 8 | It's a good concept. While it seems I was wrong about the pot thing, it was still very good. A lazy student talking about Fruitopia in Spanish Class, it's good. Just make sure that it doesn't go too far off, into the Spanish thing. Remember the article is called Fruitopia. So yeah, no specific improvements needed, just something to think about... |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | I didn't really see any spelling and grammar errors, and only that one specific change in tone that I metioned in the Humo(u)r section. Other than that, it's good. |
| Images: | 6 | The images are fine, but it's missing one. This article should have at least one more picture, whether it be of the Spanish Teacher, or of Canada, or even another picture of Fruitopia, maybe pouring so the readers can see the "waterfall made of rainbows." Actually, if you could get a pic shopped of that metaphor, that would be perfect. Also, the caption on the first pic might not work. Just that the stadium doesn't really come into play that early in the article, so it may confuse people. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.8 | An average, seeing as I don't have anything special to put into this section. |
| Final Score: | 39.3 | Thank you so much. You don't know how glad I am to find someone who loved Fruitopia as much as me. It truly is simply delicious. And if you don't love Fruitopia, like the character in the article seemed to make you, I hate you. Fruitopia rules. |
| Reviewer: | Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:35,17June,2009
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