Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Boris Yeltsin

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Boris Yeltsin

Please pee review this article. It's not written by me, but I will gladly follow your advice and improve on it. InMooseWeTrust 17:38, January 3, 2010 (UTC)

This raptor is guarding this article while his master, Iwillkillyou333 is reviewing it. Be Careful! He Bites.

--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 06:13, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	5	Well Its a good thing you did'nt wrote it cause I think you would have done a better job. Anyways I'm going to be in depth as possible. Here I find three problems that really turns the article down; 1)The length is too short, 2) Too much about his alcoholism than anything else, and 3) much of this is random and untrue. Uncyclopedia isn't a website of truth, but in the second Section of the HTBFANJS, under Be a Comedian: Advice About Nonsense and Opposites, it states, The truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth. Below is a example also tooken from the HTBFANJS: Example: "Erik Estrada is an interstellar Cherzgon warrior who was aborted by his mother during the third week of pregnancy." Stupid. Pointless drivel. Although possibly funny within the somewhat dry context of the page, without that contrast it lacks any kind of humor. Example: "Erik Estrada is an American (possibly Costa Rican) television actor, known for a successful career in the California Highway Patrol following his retirement from the television, or "prostitution" industry." Funnier because it's closer to the truth. "CHiPS" was a real TV show. Blending fact with fiction, or blurring that line makes for better comedy. This is not a particularly hilarious line, but you get the idea. And I, and possibly any other user, would be turned down because of the lack of some truth. Even though I don't know much about Boris Yeltsin, I do know for a fact he died from congestive heart failure instead of an explosion, something like, "he died from heart failure he went to Jordan and drank tainted alcohohal", or something like that. Its funnier if it went like that instead of something made up. The more truthful the article is, the more funnier it would be, but remember this is Uncyclopedia, not Wikipedia or history class, meaning don't make it too truthful. Looking up Boris Yeltsin on Wikipedia or a biography on the interent would help you get to know more about him as this will help you know what to put down. Also have the alcoholism part tone down a little, as it will dull out the article and eventually bored the reader.
Concept:	2	The concept is what kills the article. Becuase this has been tampered by noobs and IP users, this is no surprise to me. It talks more about alcohalism than about the russian Himself, also contradicting the HTBFANJS rule I mentioned above. Make the Boris Yeltsin article more about Boris Yeltsin, and keep the nonsense and randomness out as much as possible. Also I advise you make the tone of this article a encyclopaedic tone.
Prose and formatting:	6	I see a few grammar errors and misspellings throughout the article. I advise you either check for errors or have someone from our proofreading service proofread and check them for you. As for formatting, the images should be a bit bigger, and better formatted.
Images:	5	The images are ok, but the captions are the reason for the low score. They are very not well appealing and are kinda made of complete randomness. The captions should relate more on the article, so fix those and maybe add some more images.
Miscellaneous:	8	My overall grade of this article
Final Score:	26	I truly believe this can be turned into a good article, it just need alot of improvements. Also read the HTBFANJS (if you havent already) and follow my advice and you'll make many improvements. Good Luck!
Reviewer:	--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 07:04, January 4, 2010 (UTC)