Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bed

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Bed

Bed is a requested page which played in MadMax's recent contest. It lost to Lyrithya's article, fair and square. Thanks for taking it, or looking at it, or kicking it to see if things fall out of its pockets. Aleister 2:32 5 11

If I review this, will you review mine? I know I spent good money on those bribes, but maybe getting it into proper shape would be a good idea now, so... you should. Please? I'ma review this. I think. Later. Unless I don't... I'll, er, come back and say if I ever make up my mind. O_o ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101105 - 02:42 (UTC)

What if I say I will and don't? Would that count? So sure, I'll review yours, but I don't know how to get all these tables straight. Which one is yours anyway? And why would you want to review Bed, you beat it down like a dog in the MadMax contest and kicked dust in its face. user:Aleister in Chains 17:18 5 11

It's the KDE one, of course. And how hard could it be? Just write in what you think, and use the show preview button to figure out what the fields do... it shows the table once you put something in the signature field, see.

Pleeease? I want an Aleister review! *kitty eyes* I've never had an Aleister review...

Er, sorry about that. I didn't mean to, really. I take it that means you want someone else to review it? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101105 - 17:31 (UTC)

Ah, that's one I should't do simply because I'm not computer tech enough to understand it. But sure, I'll do it, and maybe since I'm not savvy I can point out places where you need to explain more. That's it, sure, but not soon, not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but I'll get to it. And of course I'd love to have you play with Bed, yet I remember you didn't understand what "getting up on the wrong side of the bed" meant, so please googily that before starting. Thanks, and this should be, ah, fun? Aleister 17:50 5 11

Right, then... actually, that'd make you perfect. Just how much confuses the hell out of you, and how much matters? Eventually works... guess I'll review this eventually, too. Like... soonish. Like... quite soonish?

Well, I understand what it means, just not why it leads to the picture. Could you explain? *shifty eyes* Yes, fun... trying to figure out how to... er... huh? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101105 - 18:11 (UTC)

Grrrrrrr. I mean, sure, I'd love to review your page too. Ah, the narrator gets up on the "wrong side of the bed", which he's avoiding doing his whole life, and the pic shows what happens to him because he did that. No particular meaning, just that he's suddenly in a fucked up weirded out world with war and religion and liars coming at him, all new experiences for the narrator who, of course, never got up on the wrong side of the bed before, and is now having a bad day. Aleister 20:46 5 11 Your review will be here by, um, Monday at the earliest, I mean latest, yeah, then. Or before, whichever comes first (Tuesday?)

*kitty eyes* You know, you don't actually have to follow the table. At least, I don't think... eh, I haven't read the guidelines; I don't even know.

Mmkay, so it's just a terrible day all of a sudden? Hmm... like a literal metaphor? Massive literal metaphor, at that... nuurg, maybe I should just ignore that part, then. Have you seen what other people think of it? If they can figure it out, great, I'm just dense, but... eh. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101105 - 21:39 (UTC)

Surreal touch, like a Dali painting thrown into an exhibit of Christmas cards. And check out my most recent edit to Bed, hee hee. Aleister 21:54 5 11

The toilet? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101105 - 23:04 (UTC)

It's not just a toilet, its a ghost going to the toilet! Aleister 21:28 6 11

I tried to review that KDE for you Lyr, but couldn't really think of anything to add. If Al fails I might have another go, but I'm sure he'll do great (that one other review he did that time, I can't remember why but it really made me laugh). --Black Flamingo 21:24, November 6, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, that's an out. I have nothing to add. Wait, you mean I should actually review it? Or were you kidding before? Can't do it today, and of course not tomorrow, so how about Tuesday? Aleister 21:30 6 11

Nothing? Nothing?! At all? You sure? *sniffle* Pleeeease? Eventually will do... really. Eventually. I plan to do this one eventually. I mean, I'll say I'ma do it right now, but... when do I ever do things when I say I will? And I have this strange feeling I'm forgetting something else right now... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 22:25 (UTC)

I'm working on this now. Really. I am. Except in reality, I probably wandered off... but still. It will by done. By tomorrow. This time. Or possibly the next day. But hopefully not that far off. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 22:25 (UTC)

Or not. I'll do it, though, I swear! Soon! Sorry about this, Aleister. I really will. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101109 - 02:50 (UTC)

And I'll do your page too, come hell or high water. Oh shit, here comes some hell and high water. So never mind. And on the Bed thing, no hurry, I really don't give a pea under a mattress about the page, and am thinking of recycling it to make way for a new landfill development coming into town. Aleister 2:55 9 11

No, no, really! I'ma do it now! Really! And if you really don't want to do KDE, that's fine. Wait long enough, maybe even Flamingo'll break down and say something for it after all... but anyhoo. I have a review to write, yes I do. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101109 - 02:57 (UTC)

Seriously, no rush at all. Don't just go off and do it because you think it's late or something. I will do something with KDE too, but not now. So wait, take a nap instead, have some ice cream, watch some TV. Aleister 3:03 9 11

*twitch* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 00:15 (UTC)

Concept:	8	Yay, bed! You've really improved this from before. I don't remember what all I complained about then, but the flow is a lot better and things make more logical sense, and it's so cute. You always write such cute stuff... well, sort of. In the way that tour guides and serial killers are cute... but I digress. This bed... it's... actually, I think I rather want some sleep myself, now. Sounds like a glorious idea... Yes... sleep... time's just slipping away... slipping, slipping... Nnng. Huh? What? Oh, right... reviewing. Er... I was doing that. Unnnnnmm. Streetccchhhhhh. Yeah. So. I totally did not just take a nap in the middle of this... because your article did not just put me to sleep. Of course not. All that talk of comfy beds and stubborn ghosts and critters conveniently not walking over the fellows, and the fact that you yourself, Mr. Narrator, also happened to take a sleep... that, er... yeah, alright. You've got bloody good descriptions. Dammit... Urg. At least I didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed... well, not that wrong, anyhow. Your fellow, on the other hand... now that is one wrong side of the bed. It makes perfect sense once explained, but I still think it could be clearer, mind. It's just... what if other folks don't get it either? Perhaps using the title attribute for a mouse-over on the image? So it wouldn't be obtrusive, but someone confused might think to look there, you know? Make it clear that that's a metaphor/surealism/reality of how utterly terrible it is. And that it even is bad... although with any luck, I'll be the only one that dense. Since your concept as a whole mblobber is already well past decent, I think I'll just poke some things I still don't entirely understand now... okay, just the used bed places. Yes, I'm bringing that up... again. Seriously, why would they be overflowing? Why? Why were they making more when there was already a surplus, and do they not fall apart? What about the new ones made from old ones? Or... is that the joke? Holy crap, that's a lot of footnotes... sorry, you just added some more right as I was getting back to this, and, er, wow. Some of them are pretty good, though... don't think any of them fail to justify their own existences, in fact. Still, the holy crap stands. 22 so far... careful, Aleister... you seem to be adding more and more with each progressive article, at least that I've noticed... wouldn't want to see an article two years from now that you put so many footnotes in it that it has more than actual article...
Humour:	9	I can't decide if it's funny or not that this article keeps putting me to sleep. Is that funny? It's not that it's boring, either. Anyhoo, humour. A piece-by piece: You start strong, humour permeating the thing, even good solid jokery in the second sentence. Ikea is very ironic, after all... doesn't do anything about the critters walking over them, so that clearly ain't any progression from the beds of yore, but then again, since when could poor folks afford much of anything? . . .the first "real" bed - This is just so silly I'm not rightly sure what to say. Mind, the entire article has this carefree air about it, so it fits... a badger for a pillow. That doesn't sound like it'd be easy to sleep on. I like the oversized things being hunted for it... you could even add that this is why mammoths and whatnot went extinct, actually. Famous beds - Mmm, nice. Random pile of straw... lucky thing, with all that publicity. Decent jokes aside from that, too. I can't really think of anything else, and nothing bad about it, humour-wise. Other famous beds - Bunnies? o_O At any rate, so... a regular at this mansion, are you? Lucky boy... I think. The lucky socks, while spelling it out, don't entirely seem to fit the flow of the rest of it, though. Are famous beds truly proper examples of what folks normally do with beds, though? Other Creatures of the Night - Okay, I love this section. I don't even know what to say... not sure why it's titled that, though. Eh, they're all pretty good. Silly Aleister and your competence. Time for a good nights sleep - *snoooore* ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED!!!! - So what is the wrong side of the bed, anyhow? I know what it is, but that's not the point. How, exactly, can one avoid it? And now this... oh, dear, oh dear oh dear. Good end to an article, but so many unanswered questions... so many. Meh. At least there's a good reason for the lack of answers... through all that, who could respond? Bedbugs - Bedbugs, eh? Not bedfeet? You're drifting with each new one... wonder where you'll go next. Intriguing.
Prose and formatting:	6	Overall flow is decent, the sections go into each other fairly well now. Again, check the consistency of some of the individual sections, though. Doesn't seem to need a proofery, either, so... yeah. Good job. Sometimes bits get a little choppy with some of the phrasing - sentence fragments are very dangerous, you know. That kind of thing. And must you use contractions in your articles? I mean, they're technically fine, especially in something so conversational as this, but... they annoy me. Just... ain't proper, you know? . . .the first "real" bed the section isn't actually about the first real bed that much, so much as that's just how it starts. Just... saying. Famous beds - Only problem here, I'd say, is the spacing... or timing, if you will. The sheep and could eating it, as a punchline, comes too suddenly. Maybe if you made it a new line or had another sentence or some other trnsition between it'd help. Other famous beds - why is this in a section apart from the famous beds? The famous beds one only has one famous bed, so perhaps making the other a subsection or some such might make more sense. Bed and breakfast - you have a comma splice and I'm too lazy to fix it. What's with the siamese twins? The flow after this gets a little odd. Not entirely sure about the ordering, though not sure if it could really be improved, either. Perhaps move the creatures one somewhere else? It seems a little odd where it is. I tried to keep the prose stuff in the prose section for a change, but I probably failed... so, er, sorry. Still, I think I hit everything I cared to somewhere.
Images:	7	You know, normal people make it easy on reviewers by making all the images obvious... I only noticed two hidden ones. Are there more? Too bad. Of the hidden ones, the haunted toilet... I'm calling it that, for how could a ghost go to the toilet? Mind, this one probably would find a way, anyhow, but still... I'd rather say it's haunted. Anyway, it's adorable and makes the point of what you mean by the room, though that ghost is a mite silly-looking next to the other picture of apparently the same one... oh well. The other one, though... eh? Why does the Lincoln bit link up the Jackson fella? Hmmm? HMMM? Visible ones... Sheep! That... it the best chair ever. Well, except that those armrests can't actually be that useful. But in principle. As chair examples go, that's a damn fine one. *nods* Good captions, decent images. Not funny in of themselves, but that doesn't matter. They fit and aid the article and all that stuff, yes. That wrong side of the bed thing is just strange, though. I still think you should make it clearer. *shifty eyes*
Miscellaneous:	7	Huh? Oh, right. This is a review... I should give it scores. Yes. Here. Have some scores. Please ignore them; I don't actually know what I'm doing... Perhaps I've been watching this thing too closely and whatnot and it has grown on me, but it really does seem quite good overall. Cheers.
Final Score:	37	Ta. Here's your review, I think I said everything I meant to in there somewhere. You may now take it, ignore it, use it, or do whatever you feel like with it at your leisure. Preferably from the confines of a nice comfy bed... at any rate, I'll be over here, so you can come by and ask questions or hit me over the head with a frying pan or whatever.
Reviewer:	~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 00:15 (UTC)

8	Concept The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
	Yay, bed! You've really improved this from before. I don't remember what all I complained about then, but the flow is a lot better and things make more logical sense, and it's so cute. You always write such cute stuff... well, sort of. In the way that tour guides and serial killers are cute... but I digress. This bed... it's... actually, I think I rather want some sleep myself, now. Sounds like a glorious idea... Yes... sleep... time's just slipping away... slipping, slipping... Nnng. Huh? What? Oh, right... reviewing. Er... I was doing that. Unnnnnmm. Streetccchhhhhh. Yeah. So. I totally did not just take a nap in the middle of this... because your article did not just put me to sleep. Of course not. All that talk of comfy beds and stubborn ghosts and critters conveniently not walking over the fellows, and the fact that you yourself, Mr. Narrator, also happened to take a sleep... that, er... yeah, alright. You've got bloody good descriptions. Dammit... Urg. At least I didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed... well, not that wrong, anyhow. Your fellow, on the other hand... now that is one wrong side of the bed. It makes perfect sense once explained, but I still think it could be clearer, mind. It's just... what if other folks don't get it either? Perhaps using the title attribute for a mouse-over on the image? So it wouldn't be obtrusive, but someone confused might think to look there, you know? Make it clear that that's a metaphor/surealism/reality of how utterly terrible it is. And that it even is bad... although with any luck, I'll be the only one that dense. Since your concept as a whole mblobber is already well past decent, I think I'll just poke some things I still don't entirely understand now... okay, just the used bed places. Yes, I'm bringing that up... again. Seriously, why would they be overflowing? Why? Why were they making more when there was already a surplus, and do they not fall apart? What about the new ones made from old ones? Or... is that the joke? Holy crap, that's a lot of footnotes... sorry, you just added some more right as I was getting back to this, and, er, wow. Some of them are pretty good, though... don't think any of them fail to justify their own existences, in fact. Still, the holy crap stands. 22 so far... careful, Aleister... you seem to be adding more and more with each progressive article, at least that I've noticed... wouldn't want to see an article two years from now that you put so many footnotes in it that it has more than actual article...
9	Humour The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
	I can't decide if it's funny or not that this article keeps putting me to sleep. Is that funny? It's not that it's boring, either. Anyhoo, humour. A piece-by piece: You start strong, humour permeating the thing, even good solid jokery in the second sentence. Ikea is very ironic, after all... doesn't do anything about the critters walking over them, so that clearly ain't any progression from the beds of yore, but then again, since when could poor folks afford much of anything? . . .the first "real" bed - This is just so silly I'm not rightly sure what to say. Mind, the entire article has this carefree air about it, so it fits... a badger for a pillow. That doesn't sound like it'd be easy to sleep on. I like the oversized things being hunted for it... you could even add that this is why mammoths and whatnot went extinct, actually. Famous beds - Mmm, nice. Random pile of straw... lucky thing, with all that publicity. Decent jokes aside from that, too. I can't really think of anything else, and nothing bad about it, humour-wise. Other famous beds - Bunnies? o_O At any rate, so... a regular at this mansion, are you? Lucky boy... I think. The lucky socks, while spelling it out, don't entirely seem to fit the flow of the rest of it, though. Are famous beds truly proper examples of what folks normally do with beds, though? Other Creatures of the Night - Okay, I love this section. I don't even know what to say... not sure why it's titled that, though. Eh, they're all pretty good. Silly Aleister and your competence. Time for a good nights sleep - *snoooore* ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED!!!! - So what is the wrong side of the bed, anyhow? I know what it is, but that's not the point. How, exactly, can one avoid it? And now this... oh, dear, oh dear oh dear. Good end to an article, but so many unanswered questions... so many. Meh. At least there's a good reason for the lack of answers... through all that, who could respond? Bedbugs - Bedbugs, eh? Not bedfeet? You're drifting with each new one... wonder where you'll go next. Intriguing.
6	Prose and formatting Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
	Overall flow is decent, the sections go into each other fairly well now. Again, check the consistency of some of the individual sections, though. Doesn't seem to need a proofery, either, so... yeah. Good job. Sometimes bits get a little choppy with some of the phrasing - sentence fragments are very dangerous, you know. That kind of thing. And must you use contractions in your articles? I mean, they're technically fine, especially in something so conversational as this, but... they annoy me. Just... ain't proper, you know? . . .the first "real" bed the section isn't actually about the first real bed that much, so much as that's just how it starts. Just... saying. Famous beds - Only problem here, I'd say, is the spacing... or timing, if you will. The sheep and could eating it, as a punchline, comes too suddenly. Maybe if you made it a new line or had another sentence or some other trnsition between it'd help. Other famous beds - why is this in a section apart from the famous beds? The famous beds one only has one famous bed, so perhaps making the other a subsection or some such might make more sense. Bed and breakfast - you have a comma splice and I'm too lazy to fix it. What's with the siamese twins? The flow after this gets a little odd. Not entirely sure about the ordering, though not sure if it could really be improved, either. Perhaps move the creatures one somewhere else? It seems a little odd where it is. I tried to keep the prose stuff in the prose section for a change, but I probably failed... so, er, sorry. Still, I think I hit everything I cared to somewhere.
7	Images The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
	You know, normal people make it easy on reviewers by making all the images obvious... I only noticed two hidden ones. Are there more? Too bad. Of the hidden ones, the haunted toilet... I'm calling it that, for how could a ghost go to the toilet? Mind, this one probably would find a way, anyhow, but still... I'd rather say it's haunted. Anyway, it's adorable and makes the point of what you mean by the room, though that ghost is a mite silly-looking next to the other picture of apparently the same one... oh well. The other one, though... eh? Why does the Lincoln bit link up the Jackson fella? Hmmm? HMMM? Visible ones... Sheep! That... it the best chair ever. Well, except that those armrests can't actually be that useful. But in principle. As chair examples go, that's a damn fine one. *nods* Good captions, decent images. Not funny in of themselves, but that doesn't matter. They fit and aid the article and all that stuff, yes. That wrong side of the bed thing is just strange, though. I still think you should make it clearer. *shifty eyes*
7	Miscellaneous Anything else... or not...
	Huh? Oh, right. This is a review... I should give it scores. Yes. Here. Have some scores. Please ignore them; I don't actually know what I'm doing... Perhaps I've been watching this thing too closely and whatnot and it has grown on me, but it really does seem quite good overall. Cheers.
37	Final score ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 00:15 (UTC)
	Ta. Here's your review, I think I said everything I meant to in there somewhere. You may now take it, ignore it, use it, or do whatever you feel like with it at your leisure. Preferably from the confines of a nice comfy bed... at any rate, I'll be over here, so you can come by and ask questions or hit me over the head with a frying pan or whatever.