Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5

July 5: X Day, Day After We Kicked the Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

• 1565 - Pirates mark an "X" on a beach to mark the spot where they bury treasure. When they return, the wind will have changed it to a "v" and they would fail to find it.
• 1687 - Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
• 1689 - After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
• 1884 - John Singer Sargent paints the Portrait of Madame X but is fired for spelling her name wrong.
• 1946 - The bikini is introduced in Paris. Later, no bikini atoll is the trend.
• 1967 - The first kidney transplant made of Lego bricks ends in tragedy.
• 1968 - The X from outer space destroys Tokyo. Weary residents already have construction equipment ready before it hatches.
• 1998 - Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp. Godzilla offers to do so instead but is politely refused.
• 2001 - Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
• 2003 - Aliens turn up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
• 2004 - No one turns up as no one expects the aliens. And, yup, they don't.
• 2005 - The longest fart in world history is recorded. It is not produced by an alien.
• 2007 - Deal or No Deal? Aliens decide to take the money and not show up.
• 2010 - The Church of the Subgenius hijacks the Anniversaries July 5 page. The massive improvement is noted.
• 2155 - Aliens almost show but miss a left and land on Venus.
• 2156 - Aliens finally turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam statue that lights up at night.