UnScripts:McBeth

This script art a part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.

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McBeth is a play written by William Shakespear about a scottish tycoon in charge of McBeth fast food restraunts who finds himself in possession of a cursed emerald from the lowlands of Scotland.

Sign for a MacBeth performance.

Characters

• Norman McBeth
• McBeth MacBeth
• Sean Connery
• Man
• Mr. O'Liar
• MacBeth Employee
• Mother
• Child
• Officer
• Actors in jewish clothing

Play

Act One

(The play begins on the streets of Dublin. There are people rushing about on either side of the street. On one side of the sidewalk we see Norman McBeth, and on the other side of the sidewalk we see the Man, in tattered clothes with an emerald in his hand. He approaches McBeth)

Man:	Dude take this emerald!
McBeth:	Why?
Man:	Just take it!
(McBeth takes the emerald. The man runs away, laughing hysterically)
McBeth:	ha ha, Sucker!
(McBeth turns around for a second, and throws a coin at the man.)
McBeth:	Here's a little something for your troubles!
(The coin squarely lands in the man's mouth, starting to choke him, and he eventually dies.)
McBeth:	Shit.
(McBeth runs into his limo, which is standing by and drives away.)

Act Two

(Act two starts in a local MacBeth restraunt which McBeth enters. MacBeth mascot McBeth MacBeth stands in the corner. Mr. O'Lier orders )

Mr. O'Liar:	I SAID I WANTED A GOD DAMN CHEESEBURGER WITHOUT CHEESE, NOT A FUCKING HAMBURGER!
Employee:	(Sighs) Okay, we'll make one, Mr. O'Lier...
Mr. O'Liar:	How do you know I want a cheeseburger without cheese? I am a liar, you know.
Employee:	Well, I'm going by what you told me...
Mr. O'Liar:	How about you give me something worth less than the fries, but yet greater?
Employee:	How about you sit your ass down and wait for your burger.
McBeth:	That's not how you treat a customer!
Mr. O'Liar:	Damn straight, but who the hell are you?
McBeth:	I'm the CEO.
Employee:	HOLY SHIT!
(The Employee has a heart attack)
McBeth:	oh not again, Someone call 911!
(Nobody has a cell phone nor spare change to operate the pay phone)
McBeth MacBeth:	Damn...How am I supposed to put a smile on now.
McBeth:	With your mouth?
McBeth MacBeth:	You sir, are choosing the wrong day to fuck with a clown.
McBeth:	You sir, are choosing to lip a higher up. I can fire you.
McBeth MacBeth:	NOT YET YOU AREN'T!
(He puts his lips around a helium canister, and turns it on full blast)
McBeth:	You're-
(McBeth MacBeth explodes)
McBeth:	Dead?
(An overenergetic kid sitting at a corner table, who saw the whole thing comes up, covered in kidney splatter)
Kid:	THAT WAS AWESOME! IT WAS PFFFT AND THEN IT WAS LIKE POOOOOSH! AND THEN IT WAS LIKE AHHH!
(His mother takes him away)
Mother:	YOU SIR, are going to hear from my lawyer.
McBeth:	....
(McBeth runs outside and quickly gets into his limo)

Act Three

(Act Three takes place in a Theatre, where a play entitled "The Chosen" is being played. McBeth is in the Audience. The Police bust through the door.)
Officer:	MCBETH!!!
(All of a sudden a stage lamp falls and hits an actor on the head, killing him)
McBeth:	...
Officer:	MCBETH, STAND UP! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
(All of a sudden one of the actors goes into cardiac arrest on stage)
Actor:	FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP SAYING THE SCOTTISH PLAY ON STAGE BEFORE WE'RE ALL DEAD!
Officer:	I was not saying M-A-C-B-E-T-H, I was saying M-C-B-E-T-H
Actor:	...
McBeth:	(standing up) Okay, okay, I give up. Take me away.
(The Officer starts to handcuff him when McBeth pulls the Emerald out of his pocket)
McBeth:	Say, you want an emerald, free of charge?
Officer:	Is this a bribe?
McBeth:	Yes and no.
(The curse is lifted off of MacBeth and onto the officer)
Officer:	Okay, you can go free.
(The curtain falls)