UnScripts:CT
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CT is an US Spy Dramady that was intended to be a James Bond killer but was released to little fanfare and critical appal. Following a 40 year delay, it was released in 2002 to just little or no recognition, not even an emmy. The movie follows the illustrious Mr. Potato Head who was chosen by the MI6 to defeat a misunderstood villian called Ass Crack. Armed with a codename and an arsenal of cool spy stuff only seen in the movies. Mr. Potato Head goes out to kill the illustrious Ass Crack once-and-for-all.
Characters[edit]
- Mr. Potato Head as CT
- Miss. Potato Head as Quincy
- George W. Bush as Ass Crack
- Mighty Mouse as Homosexual Mouse
- Chuck Norris as Ass Crack's Transformation
- Mawdsley as the Gadget Guru
- Kristen Bell as The Girl
Scene I[edit]
As the movie begins. We see a glorious flight through the city of Philadelphia to reach our soon to be hero. As we see by the opening credits, he lives in a one man apartment. Mr. Potato Head is just sitting there watching TV when he gets hungry.
Mr. Potato Head: I want cheese.
Mr. Potato Head goes to the refrigrator to find that he has no cheese left.
Mr. Potato Head: All out. I'll need to get to the store to get more.
Mr. Potato Head then leaves his appartment to go to the local 7-11. When he gets there, He looks at chese until someone calls him.
Clerk: Excuse me, Sir.
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Clerk: Yes, I'm talking to you.
Mr. Potato Head: You better be talking to me.
Clerk: I was just wondering what you needed.
Mr. Potato Head: Cheese.
Clerk: Second Aisle.
Mr. Potato Head: Thanks!
While Mr. Potato Head was looking for cheese, a bunch of guys in masks begin to capture Mr Potato Head
Mr. Potato Head: You better be letting me go, or els....
One of the guys was able to sucessfully knock out Mr. Potato Head, meanwhile the clerk sees men draging away Mr. Potato Head.
Clerk: HELP!!! POLICE!!!
Before leaving. One of the masked men shoots down the clerk with the tranqulizer, the clerk will remember nothing of this when she wakes up in fact. She'll only remember that she's asian. The men sucessfully pack up Mr. Potato Head in their trunk and drive off to their secret headquarters.
Man 1: Well that was a sucessful one, Quincy wanted this one alive.
Man 2: Yes the future of the world lies in his little head.
Man 1: Say, why does Quincy want him alive.
Man 2: Can't you see, Quincy needs him alive so that he can defeat Ass Crack.
Man 2' As most of our men have failed. Mr. Potato Head might be our only hope, now shut up and drive.
After a long drive, Mr. Potato Head finally wakes up in a room with mimimal lighting.
One agent enters the room
Agent: So tough guy, thought you could get away with all that cheese.
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Agent: We need to know you cheese thief, were you taking it for someone... someone EVIL?
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Agent: Listen bub. We need to know where that cheese went, now are you going to coporate or are we going to talk some more.
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?, Are ya?
Agent: Damn It. I'm going to put a bullet in your head if you don't tell me...
At this point. Mr. Potato Head breaks free and starts kung-fu fighting the agent. Viciously attacking him with each hit.
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?, Are you talking to me?, ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?!?
At this point. The agent then collapses and says two final words before passing out.
Agent: Please stop... Ugh...
Quincy then enters the room
Quincy: Good work Mr. Potato Head. You have passed the test.
At this moment, Mr. Potato Head recognized that she is just like him. Only he's a she.
Mr. Potato Head: You talking to me?
Quincy: Yes, anyways Chip Chop work defeating the agent that was sent to interrogate you. We have bigger problems that need solving and we need you to solve it.
Mr. Potato Head: And after I solve these problems. Maybe you and I can go out to dinner.
Quincy: Yeah... I don't know, you don't seem to be my type.
Mr. Potato Head: But you're a potato head and I'm a potato head, we make a perfect match... Together.
Quincy: Please follow me to the gadget room.
Mr. Potato Head: Aw....
As our hero heads to the gadget room. He wonders about his destiny and his future Miss. Potato Head.
Scene II[edit]
Agent: Sorry Old Chum for all the trouble I caused you.
Mr. Potato Head: You talking to me?
Agent: I'll just take that as a yes. I'm sure that you'll make a great agent.
Mr. Potato Head: Agent, I'm no secret agent.
Agent: Well you're going to be.
After a few minutes of walking, they finally reach their destination.
Agent: Well, Here we are.
The Agent swipes his card, the door opens to reveal a pleathora of gadgets.
Agent: Welcome to the M16 Gadget Lab
Mr. Potato Head: M16, you mean...
Agent: Yes. Welcome to the United Kingdom.
Mr. Potato Head: Freaking Mets!
Agent: Anyways meet our gadget guru. Mr. Mawdsley
Mawdsley: How are you doing?
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Mawdsley: Yes I am talking to you now listen.
Mr. Potato Head: No you listen. So there I was, tied up in a chair. When suddenly somebody came into the room and started to punch me. I then said "Are you talking to me?" and began to escape from the chair. When I escaped I immediately kicked the guys ass to the ground. You should of seen him, he was all like "I Surrender!", anyways with that guy defeated I go home knowing I wasn't a victim of rape.
Agent: Hey. Don't talk about what happened a few minutes ago, GET TO THE FREAKING GADGETS!
Mawdsley: Right, Right. Anyways, our first gadget is this laser designed to emit a red beam. Once shot, it burns through whatever it's pointing at and then sets it on fire
Mr. Potato Head: Cool!, Lemme see that!
Mr Potato Head. then aims the laser at some guy and lets loose.
M16 Worker: Ahhh! Ahh!! Why would you do that, I'm on fire and I'm going bald. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT!!!
Mawdsley: Moving On... What we also got here is Binoculars with a microphone "that" supports zooming.
Mr. Potato Head: What, No X-Ray?
Mawdsley: What we also got is your manditory agent gun.
Mr. Potato Head: Sweet.
Mawdsley: With tuanqulizers, led bullets and a small tiny radio transmitter that can be shot onto any person.
Mawdsley: And then there's your common voice recorder, camera/camcorder, cellphone and....
Mr. Potato Head: And what?
Mawdsley: We've got the best in Spy Gear around... It's an Heavily Modified Aston Martin Car
Mr. Potato Head: And...
Mawdsley: And... And... This is the best, it's got a 1000 HP engine, rocket launchers and guns mounted on the car, a computer with full wi-fi access, a computer activated sync system, ejector seat, bulletproof shields and that's not even the best thing of all. It can create bullets from carbon emissions from the air. So you have unlimited ammo and it's enviormently friendly.
Mr. Potato Head: Like Phoenix
Mawdsley: Yes. Exactly like Phoenix, now that i've introduced you to most of the gadgets. You must go to the briefing room for your briefing.
Mr. Potato Head: Can't I stay here and spend a little bit of time with you.
Mawdsley: No, Now go to the briefing room before I kick your ass.
After a few minutes of walking. They finally reach the briefing room.
Enter Quincy, The Agent and Mr. Potato Head enter the room
Quincy: Ah... Nice to see you again, see the fancy gadgets.
Mr. Potato Head: Cut all the crap and get to the job at hand.
Quincy: All Right, as you wish. The world faces a major crisis of being sent to the stone ages. One of our double agents has discovered that a device that messes with the intelligence of people is being built right here in England. It's main purpose is to suck or mess around with the intelligence until the person is unable to do the most basic things like go to the bathroom. It is our primary concern cause all of the knowledge could be lost and the future of the world wouldn't exist as we know it.
Mr. Potato Head: Who's the bad guy here. I'll kill him.
Quincy: A one Ass Crack.
Mr. Potato Head: Ass Crack? Sounds like a real asshole.
Quincy: He is, it seems that he flunked out of school, he wasn't even potty trained and has built this device that sucks intelligence for no reason or ransom of any kind.
Mr. Potato Head: Well why doesn't he just go and fuck a sheep.
Quincy: He doesn't know how to have sex, not even with a sheep.
Mr. Potato Head: I seriously want to teach the guy who he's talking to. What do I do?
Quincy: Your mission is to gather information on the device. Apparently Ass Crack posts all of his events and top secret stuff on his publicly available blog. The two are going to meet at a Resturant in Great Britan.
Mr. Potato Head: Ohhh. Can I take my Austin Martin???
Quincy: No, You'll be taking one of the MI6's most basic car. A Volkswagon.
Mr. Potato Head: Aww... I hate Volkswagons.
Quincy: Tough Luck. Now gather that information or I'll kill you right here right now.
Mr. Potato Head mumbles as he takes his Volkswagon and drives it to the resturant.
Scene III[edit]
As his car approaches the resturant, he decides to look fancy and take the valet parking
Mr. Potato Head: Park this baby for me will ya.
Mr. Potato Head gives the guy $2.50 in American Dollars.
Valet Guy: No Problem.
Mr. Potato Head: Hey. Are you talking to me?
Valet Guy: Uh, Yeah!
Mr. Potato Head: Good, just thought we'd had a misunderstanding. If we did have one, I'd have to punch your face in.
Valet Guy: HaHaHa... Yeah.
Valet Guy then runs away from him, therefore exiting the scene.
Mr. Potato Head then goes up to the second story and goes up to the podium.
Mr. Potato Head: Table of one.
Waiter: Why of course.
Mr. Potato Head then gets a table and soon spots 2 people near a table, he then gets out his binoculars and begins to observe.
Person 1: I just don't get it. Why would he build a stupid ray to make everyone stupid, it just doesn't make sense.
Person 2: Maybe... Maybe he just wants to dumb everyone down to his level. So that they all feel the way he does, Stupid.
Person 1: That makes a lot of sense... Kinda.
Person 2: Listen, Ass Crack is paying us a rediciously large sum of money. For that he could just sell off his lair.
Person 1: What a God Damn Idiot. He doesn't even know that the ray is going to be fired within the next 2 tuesdays.
Person 2: Did anyone hear that?
Person 1: Meh, nobody cares.
While the conversation was happening. Mr. Potato Head was focusing on one Person 2's boobs which were excellently hot by the way.
Mr. Potato Head: That girl over there is hot but was I paying attention to the conversation at hand.... Yes, I think I recorded it based on the fact that the red light was on. Now to hit on that chick in the red dress.
Mr. Potato Head then waltzes over to the bar.
Bartender: Excuse Me? Sir.
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Bartender: Yes, I was now what drink will you be having tonight.
Mr. Potato Head: Martini. SHAKEN! Not stirred.
Bartender: Please don't do that again.
While the Bartender whips up his drink, Mr. Potato Head. prepares to get his girl.
Mr. Potato Head: Why hello there. Is your beauty talking to me? or is it just you?
The Girl: That was a horrid catchline.
Mr. Potato Head: It probally was, but seriously. I'm in with the in crowd, going to take out a certain someone.
The Girl: And I'm in the ministry of evil.
Mr. Potato Head: Wait, you are?
The Girl: No, that was sarcasm and to let you off easy, I think your gross.
Mr. Potato Head: If I'm gross. Can anyone ever look like me.
The Girl: That was funny, but you have the only redeeming quality that one likes about you.
Mr. Potato Head: What?
The Girl: Your not British.
Mr. Potato Head: Oh. Hey listen. While we have some time. Maybe you and I could go to a movie and...
Just as Mr. Potato Head was about to finish his sentence. He then gets a call fron Quincy.
Mr. Potato Head answers the phone.
Mr. Potato Head: You talking to me?
Quincy: Oh. Mr. Potato Head, so glad I can reach you. Did you get the intelligence?
Mr. Potato Head: Yes, but...
Quincy: Okay good, Now I need you to go back to MI6 immediately.
Mr. Potato Head: Can we make this work out on the phone.
Quincy: Uh no, now get in that Volkswagon and get back here before I kick your ass.
Mr. Potato Head: Okay, Okay!
Mr. Potato Head hangs up the cellphone.
Mr. Potato Head: I gotta do something really quick. Can you hold on for just a second.
The Girl: Don't worry, I'll be right here when you get back.
Mr. Potato Head: Great, I've gotta go. Alvetasain.
Mr. Potato Head exits the resturant and heads back to MI6
The Girl: Loser. Hey barkeep, another martini here!
Scene IV[edit]
The camera pans over to give a quick glance of MI6 before cutting to a shot of Mr. Potato Head entering in a fancy fashion.
It then rolls over to reveal the Volkswagon doing a 360 spin before stopping. Mr. Potato Head emerges from the Volkswagon.
Quincy: Ahh. Mr. Potato Head, glad you are back from your first mission.
Mr. Potato Head: Yes, and I completed the mission with success, what do I get?
Quincy: Uh, Uh, Uh. First, the evidence.
Mr. Potato Head: Right... Uh. Oh Yeah!, the ray is going to be fired in the next 2 tuesdays.
Quincy: Where?
Mr. Potato Head: I don't know where, they didn't give a location.
Quincy: Are you sure you're not making this up?
Mr. Potato Head: What, no. I recorded it.
Quincy: Well then give me the tape.
Mr. Potato Head: Okay, Okay! Seesh!
Mr. Potato Head gives Quincy the tape, Quincy then reviews the entire 2 minutes of the tape.
Quincy: Well it looks like you were right, no location.
Quincy: Looks like we'll have to brute force the location. Hackers, go find the area with the higest topmology.
Hackers: Right-o.
Hackers immediately begin looking for the area with the higest topmology.
Mr. Potato Head: So what does topmology has to do with this?
Quincy: Well basicly. Topmology is the process of wave transfer so the ray would have to be fired from a point where the waves could actually reach somewhere.
Mr. Potato Head: But couldn't the waves be transfered by the electrical devices already transfering the waves.
Quincy: No because logicly the electrical waves wouldn't be able to reach that far.
Mr. Potato Head: But they're placed all over the U.K.
Quincy: Listen. Topmoligy has to be the most logical solution. It explains everything with waves, now I suggest you get some sleep, you may need it.
Mr. Potato Head: But...
Quincy: END OF DICUSSION! Now go home!
Mr. Potato Head then begins his walk out of the MI6 and into his temporary home in Great Britan.
The camera then cuts to what appears to be a mountain shaped like an Ass Crack, as the villians music plays. It becomes obvious that this is Ass Crack's lair.
The scene jumps to what appears to be inside the lair. We cut to Ass Crack sitting on a chair dictating.
Ass Crack: My fellow patrons, a few days from now, we will be making history.
Loyal Minions: Rah?
Ass Crack: Yes, our brillant invention will dare say it. Change the world.
Loyal Minion: Yes... How???
Ass Crack: I'm glad you asked that patron. The stupidity ray, a ray designed to suck all stupidity in the world. Will indeed change it forever.
Another Loyal Minion: Come on. A stupidity ray, god why don't we just buy nucular missles and blow up Great Britian?
Ass Crack: Cause the Stupidity ray will zap intelligence. Oil prices will go up. The ammount of terrorism will go down and best of all, there will be an overproduction of tacos. Which for the best part, RULE!
Another Loyal Minion: Taco's, this is stupid. You're not an evil genius, you're just the son of a multi-billionare who decided to play the role of the evil genius after you watched Goldeneye. So basicly you're misunderstoon.
Ass Crack: No you're misunderstood. Guards!, take this traitor to the interrorgation room, make him eat lots of Taco's.
Guards then restrain the loyal minion and take him to the interrogation room.
Another Loyal Minion: Mmmmm... Taco's
Ass Crack: Now then. In a few days, the world will become ours for the taking.
Ass Crack: The location for the satellite that will broadcast the waves is kept with one of my close personal friends.
Loyal Minion: Who is it?
Ass Crack: None of your business. Now listen, the world of free tacos will be upon us soon.
Loyal Minion: Question Here. When will the Mexican Ball be?
Ass Crack: Our associates are working on a proper date for the ball, we wouldn't want everyone to miss out on the free tacos now will ya.
Loyal Minion: Uh, When are we getting paied?
Ass Crack: Enough Questions, This meeting is ajourned.
There is a transition to the outside of the hall which dipcts many minions leaving. Out of the common are the two woman comming out of the conference room.
Girl 1: What an idiot.
Girl 2: I know, why would we even need to stupify the world. The world is already stupid.
Girl 1: Maybe cause he saw that movie Idiocracy.
Girl 2: A common depiction of the future with stupid roomba robots and blinking 12:00 clocks.
Girl 1: Why would we even want that?
Girl 2: Because Ass Crack has no intelligence, all he has is money.
Girl 1: Ditto.
At this moment, the two split, Girl 2 then heads further into the hallway then stopping to pull out a cellphone.
At that moment the girl begins to dial a number and holds the phone over her head.
Girl 2: Yeah. You might as well call off that search, it seems that one of his closest friends has the location.
Quincy: You're telling me that we've been bruting for nothing.
The Girl: It appears so, and it's not a device that spreads the wave. Here's the shocker.
Quincy: I'm listening.
The Girl: It's actually a satellite that's going to brodcast the waves all around the world.
Quincy: We've been working under the theory of Topmology.
The Girl: Well Topmology doesn't seem to be appliable in science.
Quincy: I'll get Mr. Potato Head on it.
The Girl: Mr. Potato Head, you mean the skank I met at the bar. HE'S AN AGENT!!!
Quincy: Apparently so.
The Girl: Great, now I have to go home an expect a call. Thanks a lot!
Quincy: We're sorry about you're inconvience.
The Girl: Blow me.
At this moment, he hangs up her cell phone and then proceeds to go home.
A few hours later after ariving home. She sits on the bed and looks at the phone, waiting for something to happen, waiting for a particular ringing sound.
The Girl: Guess I wasn't expecting anything.
Suddenly. The phone rings. Knowing that it is Mr. Potato Head, she immediately answers it.
The Girl: Hello?
Mr. Potato Head: Oh Hi. Are you the girl that I met from the bar.
The Girl: How did you get this number?
Mr. Potato Head: Paid some stalker for it. Listen, since I'm not busy and you're not busy. Maybe we could go out to lunch.
In her mind, she thought that they were going to exchange intel. But knowing her, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
The Girl: Sure. Meet me at Demsey's.
Mr. Potato Head: 7:00 PM
The Girl: Okay, Bye.
She then hangs up the phone. Mr. Potato Head then jumps up and down in joy that he has a date.
Mr. Potato Head: I HAVE A DATE, I HAVE A DATE!!! TAKE THAT VIRGINS.
As they both get ready for dinner, they think in their heads about what the experience will be like.
Scene V[edit]
The scene suddenly goes through a few hours as it shows Mr. Potato Head at The Girl's house.
Mr. Potato Head rings the doorbell.
Mr. Potato Head: Hello?, anyone home?
The Girl then goes down and answer the door.
The Girl: Mr. Potato Head I presume.
Mr. Potato Head: Yowza, well let's start this date off with a bang.
Mr. Potato Head then leads The Girl to his work car.
Mr. Potato Head: Tada!!!
The Girl: A Volkswagon, please!
Mr. Potato Head: What's wrong with it?
The Girl: Nothing but a little thing called Decency, I have a Lincoln Town Car that Ass Crack gave to me.
Mr. Potato Head: Really?
The Girl: Yeah, I'll show you.
The Girl then takes Mr. Potato Head to her garage.
She begins to open it.
The Girl: Now isn't that better than a shitty Volkswagon.
Mr. Potato Head: Sweet. Let's get in and go.
The Girl: I'll drive.
Mr. Potato Head: Damn!
The two then get into the Volvo and pull out of the driveway.
As they begin to drive, the camera then goes to some famous british resturant. The camera then shows the Volvo pulling up to what seems to be the valet parking.
Valet: Hello there!
Mr. Potato Head: You talking to me?
Valet: Yes I am, would you like to be parking your car for you sir?
Mr. Potato Head: Sure. Here's the required $12 dollars and we'll be heading inside.
Mr. Potato Head then pays the valet $12 dollars and they proceed to exit the car. They then head to the only podium there is.
Mr. Potato Head: Table for two!
Waiter: Right this way sir!
The Girl: Please promise me you won't do that again?
Mr. Potato Head: I promise I won't.
The camera then pans over to the two of them at a table. Their waiter then comes to take their orders.
Waiter: What will I be getting you fine gentlemen tonight.
The Girl: Uh, Uh, Chips and Dip?
Mr. Potato Head: And I'll take the steak, medium-rare.
Waiter: Coming right up, Sirs.
The Girl: I'm a mam' not a sir.
Mr. Potato Head: Oh forget it, he's long gone with our orders by now.
The Girl: So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself.
Mr. Potato Head: Okay, well I was a police officer back home where I lived. Philadelphia.
The Girl: A police officer huh?, go on.
Mr. Potato Head: Well I was one of the top police officers, I had made the most arrests in history. In fact, if you went up to a common criminal and told them about Mr. Potato Head, they would shit themselves in fear.
The Girl: Ooohhh. I like a guy who's fearful.
Mr. Potato Head: Yes, I was feared by everyone. Liked by everyone and I even got a plaque on the city wall.
The Girl: Strong and Famous. Why don't you tell me about one of your adventures?
Mr. Potato Head: So there I was on patrol. It was your ordinary, you know. Same old, same old when suddenly we spot a suspicious person on the sidewalk.
The Girl: Uh-huh.
Mr. Potato Head: So we do what we always do in this situation. We shot him in the leg and we arrested him.
The Girl: Ohh...
Mr. Potato Head: And when we turned him in. We found out that we have captured a most wanted criminal.
The Girl: So that's why he was in Pensylvania.
Mr. Potato Head: And that's the story on my rise to fame.
The Girl: So you've got experience and credentials.
Mr. Potato Head: Yes, that's me. Mr. Potato Head.
The scene then flashbacks to March 1998 and it focuses on Mr. Potato Head in his appartment in Philadelphia.
The scene then shows Mr. Potato Head on the couch watching some TV show. By the looks in his eyes, he is obviously stoned.
Mr. Potato Head: HaHaHaHaHaHaHa. You really are funny Steve Harvey.
Just then. A hooker pops out of the bathroom, desperate for sex.
Hooker: So, You ready for the magic.
Mr. Potato Head: Uh... Yeah.
Mr. Potato Head, still stoned... Heads into the bedroom for the magic and begins to take off his clothes.
Hooker: Just to let you know. I'm really long, I'm really dry and I'm really desperate.
Mr. Potato Head: Rawr.
As their sex talk begin. They get on the bed and begin to have sexual transitions of epic proportions. 2:35 into the sex and a random pimp appears through the door.
Pimp: What the hell are you doing with my women?
Hooker: Mr. Langley, what are you doing here?
Mr. Langley: Don't you Mr. Langley me woman. What are you doing with him?
Hooker: Well, It looks like I was helping this fine man rearange his genitals.
Mr. Langley: Yeah, and it seems like you were having sex with the guy! Weren't you?
Hooker: Look. He paied me to be his hooker, and I have a duty to finish that.
Mr. Langley: You have no duty now come on Barbera.
Mr. Langley then takes Barbera by the hand.
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Leave my girl alone!
Mr. Langley: Or what are you going to do.
Mr. Langley pulls out a gun and fires.
Mr. Langley: You can't do anything because you are dead.
As Mr. Potato Head lays there seemingly dead. Mr. Langley heads out the front door when suddenly some police officers surround him.
The Police: Freeze!
Mr. Langley: Get out the way bitch.
As a simple push knocks out both of the police officers. Mr. Potato Head begins to feel more powerful and energetic then before.
Mr. Potato Head then begins to rise as he is about to scream something.
Mr. Potato Head: Hellen!!!
Unfortunally, this is where the flashback ends as a transition ends the scene back up with Mr. Potato Head and The Girl.
Mr. Potato Head: So, why don't you tell me a little bit about you?
The Girl: Well I am a genuine british lady who's willing to serve her country.
Mr. Potato Head: Well go on...
The Girl: Ever since I was a girl. I was fascinated by the spy work, I watched movies featuring spies, featuring cliche villians and we played spy in our Treehouse. When the age came around, I went to college and mastered in electronic mastery, then I precedded to join the MI6 shortily after.
Mr. Potato Head: Really Interesting. Tell me, what's your name?
The Girl: Kathy.
Mr. Potato Head: Kathy, that's a beautiful name.
Kathy: Well it is.
Mr. Potato Head: Before our meals get here, let's hack into the databases that Quincy gave me.
Mr. Potato Head then pulls out an iBook G4 from his bag.
Kathy: Where did you get that?
Mr. Potato Head: America, Now shut up.
As Mr. Potato Head begins to hack into the database, the system is warning that they're at the resturant at a very slow and horrible pace.
Kathy: How are you hacking.
Mr. Potato Head: Hacking, I'm just typing random letters into the iBook.
Kathy: But if your typing random letters into the iBook, how is that hacking?
Mr. Potato Head: It just is girl, It just is.
5 minutes into the hacking and Mr. Potato Head gets information on someone.
Mr. Potato Head: Got something. A little somebody named Homosexual Mouse.
Kathy: Wow, I guess typing randomly can get you something.
Mr. Potato Head: Now all I gotta go is send this to Quincy and we can enjoy our meal.
As the iBook sends the information of Homosexual Mouse to Quincy, the iBook catches on fire.
Kathy: Do you smell something burning.
Mr. Potato Head: Oh My Good, Hell is raising out of my iBook!
Kathy: Calm Down, It's just an iBook.
Mr. Potato Head: I'm going to be anally rapped by demons!
Mr. Potato Head then throws his hell infested iBook to somebody, upon direct contact it explodes, taking the life of someone.
Kathy: Wow, Completly Unnecessary.
As that comment was made, something that looks like 149 men come popping down, A climatic scene is about to emerge.
Scene V I/II[edit]
Gladius: MR. POTATO HEAD!!!
Mr. Potato Head: Are you talking to me?
Gladius: YES I AM TALKING TO YOU, WE ARE THE 150 SENT TO DESTROY YOU!!!
Mr. Potato Head: Well I killed one, doesn't that mean you're down to 149?
Kathy: He does have a point there.
Gladius: YOU KILLED OUR COMRADE AND NOW WE WILL DO THE SAME TO YOU!
Mr. Potato Head: What?, with your 149 men?
Gladius: YES WITH OUR 149 MEN, WE MAY BE SMALL BUT WE ARE STRONG!!!
Mr. Potato Head: Ohhh I'm scared.
Gladius: WELL BE SCARED OF OUR MIGHT.
Kathy: I think that was sarcasm.
Gladius: SARCASM? WE WILL DESTROY YOU FOR MOCKING US!!!
Kathy: Okay here's the plan. You fight them off, and I get the file that's in there.
Mr. Potato Head: Right-o.
The camera then pans over to the opposing squad of 149.
Gladius: WE SHALL FORCE THEM OUT OF ENGLAND!!!
Gladius: WE SHALL TAKE NO MERCY!!!
Gladius: AS WE PRIDE IN OUR SELVES...
Gladius: THAT TODAY WE DINE IN HEAVEN!!!
The entire squad of 149 cheers.
Gladius: NOW CHARGE!!!
As the entire squad charges, the camera pans to Mr. Potato Head who is about ready to fight.
Mr. Potato Head: Bring on the pain!
Mr. Potato Head jumps into the middle of the action and begins pounding in a way similar to Turkey Star Wars.
Mr. Potato Head: You'd better make good talking material for my fists.
Mr. Potato Head chops and kicks the guys in half killing 15 of his men.
Meanwhile, Kathy is inside the resturant when she pulls out a cellphone. She calls Quincy.
Quincy: Hello?
Kathy: Yes this is Kathy.
Quincy: Oh Kathy, having a good time on your date?
Kathy: Yeah, Listen... I think information about a certain someone connected to Ass Crack is inside this building.
Quincy: Who is it?
Kathy: Mr. Potato Head apparently says it's Homosexual Mouse, but I don't think.
Quincy: HOMOSEXUAL MOUSE, I HATE THE GUY. HE TURNED MOST OF MY MEN GAY!!!
Quincy: It was only a matter of time before it was revealed he was connected to him. Listen, the location is in the server. I accessed it and tried to download it but it wouldn't.
Kathy: So what do you want me to do with the information?
Quincy: Your mission is to get the location and head back to MI6 with it, kill anyone that gets in the way, do you accept?
Suddenly a guy with a gun walks through Kathy
Kathy: Hold on.
Kathy then shoots the guy, killing him.
Kathy: Yes, I accept.
Quincy: I have to say this, you and your partner will single-handidly save the world.
Kathy then hangs up the phone and proceeds to the server.
Meanwhile, Mr. Potato Head is still fighing them with 127 men left.
#127: I'm going to destroy you!
Mr. Potato Head then begins to jump up and down and over him until he lands a kick killing him
Mr. Potato Head: Are you even providing a challange, Are you?
7 then come in but fail as Mr. Potato Head kills them with his superior fighting skills.
The camera then pans twords Kathy who has made it to the server room after shooting a bunch of people
Kathy then slowly reaches to the door
Kathy: Just a little bit more...
Someone then comes out of the door, therefore making the resolving situation mute.
Kathy then shoots the guy to avoid any suspision and enters the server room, she then dials Quincy on her cellphone.
Quincy: This better be good.
Kathy: I'm in the server room, what do I need to do to get the hard drive.
Quincy: Unscrew the holding then take the hard drive.
Kathy: Will that set off any alarms?
Quincy: Our experts say no now DO WHAT I SAY!!!
Kathy: Okay!
Kathy then hangs up and begins to unscrew the holding.
Kathy: Seesh!!!
Back over at the courtyard. 87 men are left out there and Mr. Potato Head doesn't look like he's giving up.
Mr. Potato Head: How many of them are there left?
Mr. Potato Head begins to do some martial arts taking out 4 of the men with another soldier comes out with a shotgun.
A soldier: Say hello to my little friend!
As the soldier fires, Mr. Potato Head manages to roll under every shot while the bullets destroy innocent objects.
Mr. Potato Head: Take this you bastard!
Mr. Potato Head then kicks the soldier into submission.
Gladius: Give them nothing but hell ON ICE!!!
Mr. Potato Head then begins to kick the submission out of 6 men.
Meanwhile back at the server room, Kathy is almost done unscrewing the holding.
Kathy: Almost there...
The last screws them come off therefore making the hard drive free.
Kathy: Yes I did it! Now I have to carefully pull the hard drive out.
Kathy then pulls the hard drive out when suddenly, it triggers an alarm.
Kathy: What the hell?
Kathy then dials Quincy on her cell phone.
Quincy: Yes, Go ahead.
Kathy: Something's gone terribly wrong. I seem to have triggered an alarm.
Quincy: Really, what would you even do to trigger such an alarm.
Kathy: I just pulled out a hard drive, nothing special.
Quincy: That shouldn't trigger any alarms, Unless...
Kathy: SPEAK UP! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Quincy: That hard drive must of been hooked up to an alarm system, it seems that soldiers are on their way.
Kathy: But how could it be cleverly connected, they can't even plug in a lamp.
Quincy: Someone evil must of manipulated you maybe.
Kathy: DAMN IT!!!
Kathy then hangs up the phone in anger.
Kathy: Just Great, Now I've gotta get out of here, get Mr. Potato Head out of here and drive away. How easy could that be?
A soldier: Not so easy now that I've got you.
Kathy then pulls out a gun and shoots it at the guy.
Kathy: I've gotta get out of here now.
As Kathy escapes from here. Mr. Potato Head shortens the spead to 59 men
Mr. Potato Head: This is getting tedious, I wonder if there is a better way?
Soon after Mr. Potato Head kicks a soldier over his head. It lands near some illegal rocks.
Mr. Potato Head: Wonder what those could be. Oh well, better than nothing.
Mr. Potato Head kicks the rocks to the men to discover they explode.
Mr. Potato Head: Woah, WTF!!! Cool.
Mr. Potato Head kicks more rocks in the hope of skinning the spread.
Mr. Potato Head: Awesome, It seems that all of your men have been defeated, It's just you and me.
Gladius: WELL BRING IT ON, I'M NOT AFRAID TO TOUGH IT OUT.
Mr. Potato Head: You're going to get beaten up soo bad.
Gladius then pulls out a spear and throws it to Mr. Potato Head but he easily dodges it.
Mr. Potato Head: Is that the best you got?
Gladius then throws ninjastars but not before Mr. Potato Head jumps over them in a stylish fashion.
Soon Gladius is thrown ninjastars but not before it changes into a magical spear.
Mr. Potato Head: How the fuck did you do that?
Gladius: MAGIC, IT RUNS THROUGH MY FAMILY! PREPARE TO DIE!
Gladius then throws the spear with Mr. Potato Head jumping and flipping to do so, he then goes over to the rocks and kicks them at Gladius.
Gladius: AAAARGH!!!
Gladius is then pushed back to a broken ledge. Mr. Potato Head then approaches him.
Gladius: THIS IS MADNESS!!!
Mr. Potato Head: Madness? This is the UK.
Mr. Potato Head then kicks Gladius off the ledge, falling for his death. Suddenly, Kathy comes in with urgent news.
Kathy: Hey I know you defeated the bad guy but there's an alarm triggered and we have to go now.
Mr. Potato Head: Okay, I'm getting bored of this place anyway.
They both head to the Volvo and drive away while millions of enemy soldiers lay confused.
Mr. Potato Head: When we get home, I am getting some serious R&B.
Kathy: Me too, I'm kinda getting tired. Besides, we have a mission tommorow and we need our sleep.
Mr. Potato Head: You're right.
Kathy then drops off Mr. Potato Head.
Mr. Potato Head: Well, good night.
Kathy: Good Night to you too.
Kathy then drives away.
Mr. Potato Head, tired. Goes up to his room and begins to fall asleep, dreaming of the big day that was coming up.