Trombone

This conductor is fed up with the trombones' dynamic.

A trombone is a musical instrument in the brass family, the orchestra's proverbial creepy uncle, also known as the "slidy trumpet". 90% of the time the band director gets pissed, it's because the trombones are playing at their own tempo at fortisisisisisisisisimo. Trombones are a "big ass" instrument, so they use the big ass clef, also known as the bass clef. Trombones rely on their slide positions and mouth embouchure to make different pitches. The average sound quality of a trombonist in middle school is that of a dying truck, and high school is usually not much better.

History

Trombones were created solely for the trumpet players who were too obnoxious, even by trumpet player standards. Trombones were invented in the 15th century by Flemish people. The trombone is derived from an instrument called a sackbut...no joke; maybe that's why it sounds so bad...

Trombones in media

One trombone made an appearance in the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Band Geeks", where Sandy almost killed Patrick with said trombone.

There are a few old Disney cartoons with trombones making a cameo. One is called Trombone Trouble.

Typical tromboners

1. The typical "obnoxious boy". Typically, he'll play as loudly as possible, sass the band director, and smack the saxophone player in front of himself in the head.
2. Marching band kid. Typically they will put water in their trombone and shoot it out like a water gun.
3. The girl that everyone feels sorry for, because she's surrounded by morons. She usually is the only one who practices.
4. The slacker. This trombonist's trombone is dirtier than the dirty bubble in the Spongebob franchise. They're the type of person that spends the entire duration of band on their phone, and making sexual jokes in the background. They have a "special" relationship with the band director.
5. The perfect pitcher. This person only plays trombone because it is easily tuned in seconds. Probably prefers composing. Also known as "The Anti-Classical Musician".

Trombones in Marching Band

Trombone players are often the most obnoxious section in the marching band. They will fill their trombone with water and squirt it at others like a water gun. If they're really extreme, they'll replace the water with gunpowder and a bullet. They also are often the most dysfunctional section, and never have sectionals. Most of the time they are lumped with the rest of the low brass.

Trombone marching band students will often waddle instead of march, and will often smack other people's heads with their slide. They will talk while the director is talking, so that no one in the band will hear the directions.

Fun Facts

In January 1996, a band musician caused a death when he moved the slide of his trombone too vigorously, hitting the trumpeter in front of him in the head.

Even though trombones rarely get the melody, in their minds they always have it. That's the reason why they play so forcefully.