The choker
Birth and Early Life[edit]
The first sighting of the Choker was on the 7th of June 1912 in London, England. A Mrs Briathweight, mother of 3, was being mugged by a group of bandits when The Choker appeared from no where, Choked, Raped and Beat her to death before raping many of the bandits using only his hands. Little is known about his life before this time, but it is thought he lived under the alias of Roger Daltrey for a number of years.
Discovering Leather (The Teenage Years)[edit]
It was 1983, The Choker was handsome, young and above all single. Unfortunately no-one wanted to sleep with him due to his tendency to strangle anyone who looked at him. In a bid to stop himself from strangling those he wanted to fuck, The Choker decided he would gouge out his own eyes. On his way to the supermarket to by a spoon (The Choker usually choked food into going into his mouth, so had no need for cutlery) he noticed a shop he hadn't seen before. LEATHER FACES - HOUSE OF LEATHER. Upon entering the store he realised he didn't need to blind himself permanently, just cover his entire body, including his eyes, with leather. Thus The Chokers infamous outfit was born.
The Chokings Continue[edit]
Unfortunately being unable to see had the opposite effect that The Choker had wanted. His erges to strangle everything and everyone only worsened. However in 1986, whilst choking a pregnant, disabled, diabetic, blind, deaf woman She gave birth to a son. The Choker tried to Choke the baby but found that he could not. Instead he named the child, Patrick Swayze and fathered him as if he was his own.
The Vegan Vendetta[edit]
“Even I find it disgusting and I sleep with men!!!!! ”
Due to his sheer undying love for leather The Choker has had a long standing vendetta against Vegans who continually protest against his ever growing leather collection. As of the 21st of may 2008, The Choker owns 300 leather sleep sacks, 4000 leather jackets and 3 million 4 hundred and 82 thousand leather jock straps. This vendetta has resulted in the death of 100 % of all vegans that have come within 12 miles of The Choker.
The worst of these incidents occurred when the choker took a trip to see his favourite rock band, The Stranglers. It is thought that all fans of the band (Except The Choker) were in fact vegans. This resulted in The Choker killing all of his fellow Strangler fans and then the band themselves for trying to stop him. He is now said to be a fan of KISS due to them being much more leather orientated.
“Musically and spiritually The Stranglers appealed to me much more but having said that KISS do wear a lot of fucking leather don't they!!? ”
Weight Gain and subsequent 9/11 Incident[edit]
The Choker had become so addicted to leather that in early 2001 he decided to begin eating it. After several months gouging on leather jackets, boots and titty tassles he decided to seek help from famous American doctor, Dr. Seuss. On September 11th 2001 he took an aeroplane trip to the united states when he was confronted by a vegan protester mid flight. The Choker, who had been heavily drinking (not alcohol but leather), reacted as any man addicted to the strangulation of all human kind would. He strangled every man, woman and child on the plane before leaping from it onto another plane and subsequently strangling everyone on that plane as well. The exercise gained from this allowed him to lose all of his weight and gain 50 extra pounds of leathery muscle, all situated in his hands and wrists. He was, however, arrested 2 days later in a motel in Canada choking That geezer from due south.
“Kids used to call me "Fatty Choker", well at least i think thats what they were saying, I was strangling them at the time. It was sort of a gurgling gasping sound, I knew what they were implying anyway. ”
Imprisonment[edit]
On September 20th 2001 The Choker confessed to the choking, strangulation and rape of over 7 million people, 5 cows and 2 bulls. In court he managed to strangle 5 members of the Jury before being tranquilized. He served much of his time in the tourist attraction, Alcatraz, after being fitted with a special leather sack, which was thought to prevent him from choking the tourists. However, he managed to strangle many of the young children visiting the prison with his legs and so was moved to a real prison. To begin with The Choker was treated with much hatred from his fellow prisoners who thought it unfair that he was allowed to wear leather whilst incarcerated. The Choker managed to solve this problem however by choking all of his fellow prisoners with his newly developed, The Choker's Patented Leg Choke.
This gained him much fear and respect throughout his prison life and caused many of the prison guards to fall in love with The Choker.
After countless affairs with prison guards, each ending in there deaths, The Choker was freed from prison under the condition he would work for the prison service strangling death row prisoners. Being the evil man that he is, The Choker declined and subsequently strangled his way out of prison.
The Michael Jackson Vendetta[edit]
“Look, ive got nothing against paedophiles but going round telling everyone your Invincible!? Im not having that.”
After seeing the earth song music video and hearing Michael Jacksons "Invincible" album, The Choker set out to prove that Michael Jackson was infact, vincible. He had planned to do this at an Elton John birthday party but was refused entry due to being dressed "Too Casualy".
“I'd thought it was just a casual thing and that i was dressed too smartly!!”
What occurred over the next few years were a series of chokings upon Michael Jackson, The Choker trying a variety of techniques, "the chokers patented leg choke", "the Boston ball tickler" and of course the deadly "choking chemical castration". Unfortunately for some reason, all of these chokes had little to no effect on paedophiles. The choker had wished to appear in court to prove this to the jury but was once again not allowed entry due to his attire.
So The Choker devised a devious devious plan, every time Micheal Jackson would look at his reflection - he would leap out and choke him. At first Michael tried to fight back and even taunted The Choker by carrying a pocket mirror around with him but after 5 years he grew tired of being choked. Excpecially as The Choker had begun to actually choke the black out of him. So Michael ordered that all mirrors and reflective materials be kept away from him at all times and he ended his long term relationship with paedophile friend Uri Geller. This was in case he cracked out one of his spoons revealing to Michael his reflection. The song "man in the mirror" was written about the situation.
After 20 years of not looking at his reflection and relying only on bubbles the monkey to comment on his dress sense and plastic surgery, Micheal Jackson really had no idea that he looked like a witch. It was now that The Chokers evil plan would come to its conclusion.
On June 25 2009, The Choker broke into Michael Jackons rented home in California, drugged him and dragged him to a nearby circus. He awoke about an hour later in a hall of mirrors and after finally seeing that he had become a white woman, he suffered a cardiac arrest and died.
Once again the authorities are on the run from The Choker, who equiped with his finely tuned choking techniques and new found urge to kill more and more paedophiles is as deadly as ever.
Famous Quotes[edit]
While imprisoned, and not choking people, The Choker wrote many books on the best way to strangle children and on how strangulation fits into life in general. Here are a few quotes from his better known works.
“If theres no room for choking people in this world then im glad im not a part of it”
“The trick is using the wrists, it's all in the wrists”
“I'm gonna fucking choke you i am!! Choke you all the way to hell!! For I am The Choker!!”