The OC

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"The OC" or "The O.C." (Short for The over sexed cunt ) a Fox-based dramatic television program, currently in its fourth season, is a popular teen drama set in the wealthy Orange County originally based upon the religious cult established in the mid 1800's known as the Oneida Community and revoves around the idea that children under the age of five who never had sex should masturbate then kill themeselves. The show follows the raucous and sexual lives of the O.C. and its members. Many have criticized the fact that the actors portraying the teenagers in the show are too old and too attractive.

The Real Oneida Community[edit]

Warning! The following information on The Oneida Community is factual, and should be read with caution.

The Oneida Community, which The O.C. is based upon, was founded in the mid-1800's by John Noyes in Oneida, New York. The O.C. members believed themselves to already be in Heaven and emphasized free love, with members having sex with almost all other members. In an attempt to discourage pregnancy and childbirth, which at the time was very dangerous to both mother and baby, all men in The O.C. were trained in tantric sex strictly forbidden to ejaculate. Young boys would "train" on the older female members whose loins were long past fertile.


John Noyes[edit]

The founder of The O.C., and main character, he carries a chip on his shoulder from being forced to leave his native Vermont. Often misunderstood, The O.C. is mistaken by the Vermonters for a moral-less orgy of adulterers and fornicators, and told to leave. John then re-established The O.C. in New York, which is where the series picks up.

Rebecca Smith[edit]

One of the original members of The O.C., there is a dynamic between Rebecca and John Noyes. Having fallen in love, both desire to be alone together, but are bound by O.C. traditions to have constant meaningless sex with varying partners and to astounding degrees of satisfaction. Rebecca is constantly depressed on the show and has on a few occasions openly considered suicide at the prospect of having to sleep with another eighteen-year-old boy. She and John secretly practice monogamy without anyone else in The O.C. being aware.

Ted Noyes[edit]

John's son, he is an atheist and does not believe The O.C. is, in fact, heaven. Ted and his father have a tumultuous relationship, the son often being ridiculed by his father for not believing in God, a monogamous abstinent relationship. Some fans theorize John sees in Ted's relationship what he wishes he had with Rebecca, causing him to despise his son. This creates an interesting dynamic between the two as Ted is expected to carry on The O.C. after his father's death, but Ted cannot bear the burden of multiple sexual partners without consequence, and also he really likes ejaculating.

Katherine James[edit]

Ted's girlfriend, she is appalled by what she calls the "loose morals" of The O.C., insisting to save her virginity until marriage, a request Ted is happy to oblige with. A catty character introduced in episode four, she often has arguments with other female members of The O.C., though she is forced to pretend to be the thing she despises in order to be with her lover Ted.

Charles Guiteau[edit]

Clumsy and not very bright, future Presidential assassin Charles Guiteau is the comic relief of the series. "Guitout," as the women of The O.C. call him, is unable to find anybody with whom to fornicate. Oftentimes a lurid gesture towards an especially barren woman and subsequent denial will be followed by his trademark line "Oh Lordy!" Though some consider him a one-dimensional character intended only to lighten the serious mood of the show when needed, Guiteau's fans defend him by remarking that he adds an important role to the show, as most anybody can symptahize with a guy who can never find a girl, even as a member as a free-love sexcult.

Other characters[edit]

Ryan (Ben McKEnzie)[edit]

Ryan in The OC

In the first episode Ryan is taken in by the Cohens. At first it seems as if they have good intentions but they soon put him to work with the rest of their (predominantly black) slaves. Apparently Mcenzie was put through hours of slave labour and as a special treat on some days he was allowed to watch 5 min of gay porn .

Marissa (Mischa Barton)[edit]

The gorgeous Mischa Barton.

Marissa comes from a rich family. Despite this, she has a very difficult life. Through her character we can learn the valuable lesson that rich people have it much harder than anybody else. Marrisa had this problem you see she had a thing for masturbating .

Summer (Rachel Bilson)[edit]

Rachel Bilson as Summer in The OC

Summer is a very rich girl who played out her erotic sex fantasies with her Spanish maid, Conseula. 3 Years after the onset of this very weird and kinky sex, she burned Conseula alive on the family golf course where they first did it. Bilson is often abused and pelted with fruit in the streets because of her characters racist tirades and ruthless brutality against ethnic minorities. She is currently dating Darth Vader because she has a fetish for men wearing masks who have raspy voices .

Seth (Adam Brody)[edit]

Adam Brody

Seth is a young Jew (read: humorous person). He adds comic relief to the show with his wacky antics. Seth has a thing for summers used tampons . He sneaks over to her house late at night and digs thought all of the trash bags to find summers used tampons . After finding the tampons seth smothers himself with them. Was kidnapped by aliens early in the third season, he returned, however, by the end of the season sporting a shiny new hairdo.

Luke (Jonathan Frakes)[edit]

Frakes, the 3rd sexiest man in the world.

Luke was a homeosexual water polo player who shaved his chest and many other places . Luke ran his own personal male whore house were he hit out ever night .

Sandy (Woody Allen)[edit]

A picture of Woody Allen drawn by Mischa Barton.

Sandy is Seth's Dad. He is a muscular, powerful young man who has sex with a lot of younger ladies, particularly in the episodes Allen has written.

Che (Ted Danson)[edit]

Ted Danson in The OC.

Che is a new character in the show. Apparently the part was written with Samuel L. Jackson in mind but he turned it down.

Episode Guide[edit]

Season One: Episode One[edit]

The main characters, and the love between John and Rebecca, are introduced in the season premier. A bulk of the episode deals with John finally admitting to himself his compulsion for a relationship after years of dutiful polygamy, culminating in a kiss between himself and Rebecca. Charles Guiteau attempts to lure a young woman into bed, only to find it is more difficult than he had expected.

Season One: Episode Two[edit]

John's relationship with his son is expanded as Ted reveals that he is an atheist and monogamous, causing his father to disown him and kick him out of the Community. Needing shelter, Ted convinces his father to allow him back under the condition that he would never reveal his monogamy to the other members and bring shame upon his father, as he and John begin to bribe members into not revealing that Ted has not had sex with them. Charles Guitwau attempts to open a pizza parlor, though he finds the job more difficult than he had expected.

Season One: Episode Three[edit]

John's envy of his son's monogamous lifestyle begins to surface as he lashes out in a fit of rage, striking Ted during one of The O.C.'s mutual criticism sessions. Rebecca begins to work up the courage to abandon her feelings for John and return to the simple life of group sex. A members who threatens to out Ted as a monogamist is mysteriously attacked in an attempted murder, though she survives in a coma. Ted now faces the threat of being outed as soon as she awakes. Charles Guiteau takes pottery lessons at the local university, though he finds it is more difficult than he had expected.

Season One: Episode Four[edit]

Ted sneaks his Katherine into The O.C. without his father's knowledge, who believes Ted to be single. An abstinent couple, Ted and Katherine are immediately forced to begin bribing male members of The O.C. to not admit to having not had sex with her. Charles Guiteau, having finally convinced a woman to sleep with him, attempts to have sex without ejaculating, though he finds it is more difficult than he had expected.


  • Invisible Man made an appearance in "The Gringos" to boost television ratings. His efforts did not help, and his role went uncredited.
  • The entire cast committed suicide after the series finale.
  • Benjamin Mackenzie and Rachel Bilson are the same size. This big: i
  • A new plot was immediately devised, where Jesus would do his divine intervention thing and rescue all the cast members. The show has gone on to win nothing, and is currently on its 90898 season.
  • The character Seth Cohen is actually a lubricant.
  • This show is highly worshiped in Ottawa, Ontario, in fact the City of Ottawa went as far as renaming their public transportation service to "OC Transpo."