Talk:Polish Inquisition
Wow. *bows to you* Good article. I'm Polish and you would not believe the hell - the horrors! - I have endured underneath the stealthy, guiltful gaze of the Inquisition. --Littlemaggie01 04:28, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
My pleasure! You have my utter sympathy. ~
20:07, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
From Pee Review[edit]
| Humour: | 6.5 | OK, you said that you were thinking about putting this up for VFH, so I'm going to be a right bastard here. It's only fair. Well, actually I am a right bastard most of the time, so what's different I'm not sure.
Intro / Origins 5 Myself, I generally like longer introduction than this. It works best if you have a good few lines, and a picture to go with it. Which pic would the Admins use if this was featured on the front page. Sitting alone in the dark? Because no one paid the gas bill? I'm not sure where you are going with this. Establishing The Service 6 The Department of Guilt 7 The Department of Counting 6 The Department of Tsk-Tsk 7 Catch Phrases Being Used by Inquisition Operatives 7 Maybe use the Monty Python quote a little better? Perhaps you could chop a pic of them. |
| Concept: | 7 | I'm struggling. I admit it. OK, I guess this article is about the war? A subtle insult to those friendly Germans and all the Jumping Jack Flash it's a Gas Gas Gas (A rolling stones song). Maybe it's lost on me, being a Spaghetti Monster fearing atheist, I don't know. What the hell are you talking about Mordillo!!!
OK, so I'm stupid, I'm sure there is something more behind this, but I don't think I will be the only person to miss the point here. Who is 'Jadek' a transformers character? OK, this is Uncyc, but I don't get the wit in the connection. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Nothing to complain about in the text. You keep the style consistent, and I could not see any errors.
I think you can spruce the language up a bit, by trying to simplify some of the sentences a little. For example, I changed:
To..
Maybe that's too British for you, but you get the idea. Use a few less words and you will have a more happy reader. I think you can do this over most of the article. |
| Images: | 7 | A good number of pics, but they don't really add much to the funny in my view. Maybe use a famous dog related person for the pic? In the UK it would be Barbra Woodhouse. [[1]]. Maybe that would work? Probably not in the US I guess.
Again, It's hard to make many recommendations for improvement, cos I don't really know what your on about! |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.1 | Per {{pee|6.5|7|8|7}} |
| Final Score: | 35.6 | I think your taking on a tricky one here. I know it's possible that I have totally missed the point here. In fact, I'm sure I have because I simply do not get what this is all about. Just taking the sections as they stand on their own, without the "thing I'm missing" this article does not fair very well. I tried something subtle like this in VFH a couple of weeks ago with Gay you had to really read that a whole lot, and think about it a few times, before you got the joke. People slated it, thinking it 'crass' or homopobic. That was exactly the opposite of the intention, but people missed what I was trying to do with it. I think you may have fallen into the same trap here. Maybe the thing to do is explain a little more to us dummies what it's all about allowing us to appreciate the humour better. I know it might spoil the effect a little for those who do get it, but I think you're in danger of many people missing the point, like I have.
You said that you were thinking of putting this up for VFH. In its current form I'm not sure that would be a great idea. You might get crucified! Best of luck with this one though. I'm in-favour of people trying something which takes a little thought... |
| Reviewer: | MrN    Fork you! 23:12, Jan 9
| |
| Humour: | 6.4 | avg of each sectiones... that's spanish.
I don't know what's going on, but it is funny!
A little bit on the random side. Let me guess: are you Polish? 'cuz I don't really understand what's going on here.
Well, now you are taking me deeper into your randomness. Seeing some grammar errors a la "This title later became the later official title of office for the chief inquisitors". I mean, I get that they use guilt to secure their country, which is a hilarious idea, but I just don't understand what it has to do with poland. If this was "The Jewish Grandmother Inquisition" I wouldn't be distracted by trying to find the connection.
Pretty good, except... why Poland? I don't know why I'm hung up on that, but I am. Why Poland?
Maybe I'm just teh stuhpids, but I didn't understand that section. Accounting = staying home? huh?
Higher than average score because you didn't talk about freaking Poland! Some corrections: Jadek Always plans ahead and buy a two way ticket BUY should be BUYS, Jadek always come for the weekend and brings flowers as well COME FOR THE WEEKEND should be COMES HOME ON WEEKENDS (I think).
It's a funny list, but it's still just a list. Stretch it out is the only advice I can give.
I don't think you need this section, Mordillo. It doesn't add anything. |
| Concept: | 7 | Yes, I like this idea, but why Poland? Is Poland known for being guilty? I don't get that part of it. Luckily, that's an easy fix if you feel up to it: just replace Poland with a more widely known stereotype or if you want to stick with the Poland thing, you have to go into way more detail and less randomness (like in sections 1 and 2.0). For example, who the hell is Jadek? Why did you choose that name instead of just using the phrase "my son/daughter" or something? I guess I could sum this up by saying that it has too much Polishness in it? I don't know. I'm American, so foreign things frighten me. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Weird grammar problems that I covered in the humor section. |
| Images: | 8 | Above average pictures, I think. Obviously one of them was photoshopped. Nice. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.9 | {{Guilt|6.4|7|6|8}}
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| Final Score: | 34.3 | Relatively short article plus already being somewhat clever, so this review isn't as in-depth as my others have been. I'm glad you wanted my "services" Mordillo! Call me any time! |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Jan 15 (16:28) | |
- /me sticks my oar in - hope you don't mind. I liked it, think I spotted the point - those pesky Polish Jewish grandmothers, yes? I have encountered tales of the species from a Jewish friend. However as per Cajek's review, I think it's a little subtle on that point for people who are unaware of the breed. Perhaps something about the recruitment process to the inquisition? Famed for its ruthless standards etc etc? Just a thought.
And I suspect that the sentence structure Cajek highlights as an error is in fact intentional, isn't it? Always you write me the nice article! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 16:56, 15 January 2008 (UTC)