Talk:Nottingham

STOP PRESS!! Comedy Corner!

• Are you a budding comedian with some great new material?
• Maybe you're a professional copy-writer/sub-editor/reviewer in the field of comedy?
• Perhaps you just have some interesting, original and also highly amusing thoughts to share with the world?
• If nothing else, could you at least offer a little support or advice to the legion of contributors that slavishly add to this page, without recompense, in their every spare moment?
• Above all else, are 'YOU' obsessed with the welfare and continued progression of the Nottingham section of Uncyclopedia?

If the answer to all these questions is: "Er..No", then you've found the right place!!

YES! Whether you're a...:

• ...fat, frustrated, friendless, frumpish forty-something virgin who likes nothing better than an hour spent idly criticising others in as least constructive a manner as possible;
• ...an under-educated but highly opinionated buffoon with some ill-informed opinion that you wish to ram down everyone else's throat; or merely
• ...one of the remaining dozen-or-so bitter Notts County supporters, who are apoplectic with rage that their nearest neighbours (Nottingham Forest) actually dare to be better at football than their team; ("Ooh! They never! Well! The bare-faced cheek!)

THEN THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU!!!

All Your BEST Pearls of wisdom, comedy gems, examples of perfect Comic Timing, suggestions (etc etc) belong to us!

Or at least, they could, and they should!! See, this really is your chance to shine! To really show the world what you're made of! To utilise that amazing intellect and really flex those comedy muscles! Just think, they made this bit all for you. It's yours. How thoughtful Uncyclopedia is, to have created a special place, just so that YOU can have something to call your own, for once! Be proud. Be strong. I know the responsibility might by now be crushing down upon your shoulders like a lead weight, but stay loose. You know you're a Comedy God; an aforeto undiscovered genius, and you do have all the answers! Yes! You're a Tiger!

Grrrr...What do I need to do, then?

Just follow the lead of the rascally rapscallion from whose pen flowed the following nuggets of comedy GOLD, and take a leaf out of his book (it might be best to wait until he's not looking):

If you fit into any of the above categories (above), THIS IS YOUR BIT!!

...actually, I think a public health warning might be appropriate before you read this next bit. It's just so funny!! You might split your sides, your funny bone might never be the same again... well, read it for yourself. Just don't say I didn't warn you:

Why was the Terry Chaucer and Dave Shakespeare quotes deleted? Don't you listen to BBC Radio Nottingham interviews? Are you even from Nottingham?

S**t this article is about as funny as a ride in a hearse on christmas day

Praise for the eye-wateringly funny example of boundless hilarity shown above:

What do you mean, "where?" I'll repeat it, only in bold this time. This shit never gets old, man:

Why was the Terry Chaucer and Dave Shakespeare quotes deleted? Don't you listen to BBC Radio Nottingham interviews? Are you even from Nottingham?

S**t this article is about as funny as a ride in a hearse on christmas day

Whoo-hoo, they just don't write 'em like that anymore! Damn he's good!

Actually the Praise for the eye-wateringly funny example of boundless hilarity shown above (twice):

• S**t I had a good long ride in Yo Momma on more than one occasion, in her Sniz and up the "he-arse"; and even on Christmas some years, yeah; but I never rode Yo Momma, in a hearse, on Christmas day, no. Yo Mamma is kinky like that though, she'd prolly luv it long time....this one time she had me do it to her ass, right there in the middle of the... oh, sorry man, I just drifted off there for a minute... No, I never fuct Yo Momma in a hearse; but thinking 'bout it, that's prob'ly only because Yo Momma wouldn't fit in no fuckin' hearse! Not even if they folded the seats forward... signed, One of the Original authors of the page, USA

...S**t! Yo Momma wouldn't fit in no damn hearse, even if the hearse had the seats folded forward, and the hearse had an extension added, and then the extension got a motherfuckin' extension. I don't think she'd even fit in the back of a dustbin lorry, and the arms that lift the bins'd snap under her bulk, even if they could find a really, really big wagon to squeeze her into... Signed, One of the Original authors of the page, USA (again)

• WTG man! S**t!! OMG did tht sht ROK!! Lyk, MAJORLULZ!! I'm lyk, totally RO the fuckin' FL, man! Seriously. I'm SO lyk, LMAO, you know? WOW! Signed, BJL, Prs.

• ("World of Warcraft?" WTF, Huh? No, I js ment, lyk, wow, dude. Totally rad!) Signed, BJL, Prs.

• To whoever wrote that stuff, (no, not that stuff, the stuff that's printed twice, dumbass): you are amazing. I wish I was as clever with words as you are, you grand master of the written word, you! Ooh you know, I just lurve the way your literate and flowing prose... flows. It all seems so effortless when you write your funny stuff down: like you've not had to think about it or work at it at all; like it's all just popped into your head. You really are just exactly what a girl like me needs! S**t you make me all hot, down below, you know what I mean? Whenever I read your words, I find myself dripping like a fucked fridge; you know, in the 'panty department'? I wish you could be here with me, lapping it all up and licking me clean as I read your bit over and over and over and over, laughing harder and harder and harder until... OH!... whoops, it just happened again.

Now look what you've done, you funny, dirty, horny, sexy little man; now I'm going to have to go upstairs and peel off these damp, musky-smelling panties and dream that you were there in the room with me, with your big, strong, masculine hands to sort me out whilst you keep reading your rib-tickling joke to me, repeatedly, like a mantra; You, taking off my panties for me and kneeling down right in front of my sopping shaven twat, putting my knickers up to your face and inhaling deeply: savouring the warmth and the aroma emanating from the crotch and the freshly-stained gusset, which is totally saturated with... eh? Lovejooz? Certainly not! No, you made me laugh so much, a bit of piss just dribbled out of my slack fanny. Again. Signed, Mrs M. Thatcher, London

• I've got it! Surely yo Momma would fit onto the back of one of those HUGE dumper-trucks that deliver, like, all slag and coal and stuff? It'd just be like a usual day for the staff too, if you could get a massive slag delivery truck for the day... Signed, One of the Original authors of the page, (the same one as earlier,) USA

• Thanks for sharing! Your constructive criticisms there no doubt made all the difference in the world to the Nottingham page, and gave everyone a proper good chortle in the process! I particularly like the bit where you don't actually change anything in the article itself, make no suggestions how to actually improve the page, then admit publically to being the a Radio Nottingham listener. That bit kicks ass. Signed, (Giggle, no, I wanna be anonymous too so I can be just like him!)

• PS - (It's me again, I wrote the last post.) (When I say I wrote the "last post", I don't mean the bit of music that they play in the army for the dead ones; I don't know who wrote that. I just mean that I'm the author of the bit that's written directly above this one). Anyway, you should sign up with that other site, Wikipedia. You're clever enough to really fit in, there, with people who'll understand you and make the same kind of edits on their pages as you do on ours. I hope one day I can develop a thousandth of your quick wit. Signed, PC Nicky New, Carshalto...

• Damnit! It won't let me fix my mistake now. I meant Carshalton, anyway. Signed, anonymous too.

• Oh S**t. I put my name. S**t. S**t S**t S**t S**t S**t. Signed, anonymous too Well, you know it's me now anyway, don't you? Nicky New, Carshalton

• LOLOLOL!!!! The anonymous guy for World President!! He's just so cool, and uber-modest too: not only did he not leave his name, he actually didn't even sign his post with a nickname, you know? Now That's What I Call The Best Uncyclopedian In The World, Ever, vol's 1-10 inclusive!! Signed, Amy Thrushesgonne, Germany.

• Oh my, that biting, bitter irony really does sting somewhat, what what what?

"Don't you listen to interviews on Radio Nottingham?"!!!!!!! Ouch! (Just in case that creates any doubt, I think the writer is cleverly saying that no-one EVER listens to interviews on Radio Nottingham!! Ah, you see it now, don't you? Yes, I admit it, it is rather subtle, but it's just SOOOOO true!) (For those who don't know, Radio Nottingham has never been especially renowned for the high standard of its hard-hitting, heavyweight investigative journalism. In fact, it's probably better known for once having had a Sunday afternoon show which was presented by some bald, old guy who's been dead for years now anyway, than for the high calibre of its guests and its incisive interviews.) Laugh? I did when I read that dude's entry on the page, ho yes. I laughed again, too, a bit later on when I remembered it whilst washing the pots. It's just so... Fresh and original! And those names he uses, he throws them in all casually, as if they were famous rock-stars or something... Brilliant! Signed, Dr I Lebenscheiser, Cyberspace.

• What a genius! I think that from now on, we should all use the anonymous guy's words of wisdom as a template to show new writers how things should be done round here, and defeat that random humour stuff that the kids of today keep using in place of comedic value. Back to Basics and all that. Yes. Verily. PS- Didn't 'Dave Shakespeare' used to smoke Hamlet's?!

(I tried to use a little irony myself in there but I'm not sure it worked) Signed, 'Dicky' Dickens, Very Old London town.

• Read My Lips: All Your Higher Case Are Belong To Us. We may have stolen your grammar as well, and any amusing thought that may have entered your head at the time of writing your droll little two penn'orth. "Why was the...quotes deleted?" (sic) Surely you actually mean: "Why was them... quotes deleted? Thicko. PS - is that Terry Chaucer the same one who got done for telling tales on Canterbury? The dirty little grass. On Radio Nottingham? No wonder he's not been heard of for 1200 years or so. Oh, yeah, is he the one that does the commentary for Notts County matches?! Figures. Signed, Dee P. Hurtsbadd, Not Nottingham. (No, that wasn't a stutter: I'm just trying to make it plain that I don't live in Nottingham. The place is a ghastly, frightful shithole.) —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Codeye (talk • contribs)

Sign your talk page posts properly please duck, using the four tildes. --UU - natter 11:10, Mar 3

Oops, sorry U_U, looks like I got a bit carried away wi mesen an fugorrit. I promise tuh try and do better at all this... Codeye (talk) 13:20, March 8, 2013 (UTC)

Well, that reply only took four years! Separately, your edits of today mostly seem like insertions of personal opinion, which deviate from the "encyclopedic" tone without achieving a comedy benefit to justify it. Spıke Ѧ 14:01 8-Mar-13