Talk:Hershey's
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From Pee Review[edit]
I do not know how this can be improved. Can someone help me please? I have added images and a table but I do not know about the humour please? Anyway just review it. It is only a new article. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 86.138.209.88 (talk • contribs)
| Humour: | 7 | Actully,this is pretty funny.But please more humor and better score |
| Concept: | 8 | Nice concept,very nice |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | No red links,bad spelling or bad grammer or bad capitilzation.Way to go for a new article |
| Images: | 9 | Nice images,but i dont know what the dancing banana has to do with this article |
| Miscellaneous: | 9 | I hate this box |
| Final Score: | 42 | Well,this is a good article for a start.Fix it more and could be fetured,really |
| Reviewer: | --Someguyudontknow 23:54, 16 November 2007 (UTC) | |
Pee[edit]
| Humour: | 5.4 | Avg of all sections.
Adequate, I would say. However, it's, badly, terribly, formatted. It (1) introduces the topic and (2) introduces the tone of the article. It missed out on (3) being hilarious, but that's ok: 2/3s is fine because most articles on Pee Review miss even the first one.
Hahaha, what the hell are you talking about? (P.S. you still have major formatting issues with sentence structure, but not TOO bad so that I didn't get the jokes)
Uh, that made no sense to me. It was... kinda schizophrenic. In other words, it was too damn random. When I look at the title of this page, I don't want to hear about... whatever it was you were trying to get me to hear about.
That was also just total randomness. I'm glad you brought in Nestle and Cadbury, but you took them away from me, and then slapped me across the face with utter randomness again.
Yeah, well I... nearly adequate.
One sentence long, and not a great ending. How can a great ending come from two sentences?
A funny list, I'll give you that. However, put it in paragraph form before someone spits on you. |
| Concept: | 8 | Adequate idea, maybe a little more so. I like the idea of the article hating what it talks about: that's been done before to great effect. (Can't think of an example right now, but you get the idea) |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | Terrible writing. You need to get this proofread, man. It would even be more funnierer if it was cleaned up. Get to it. |
| Images: | 6 | The pictures don't add much to the article, and they're kind of annoying. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.9 | Avg'd yer scores |
| Final Score: | 29.3 | If you have any specific questions, come by my house and see me some time. |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Nov 28, 03:03 | |
Proofread[edit]
- In 'hershey takes the usa' ...did you mean 'great scheme' or 'great schism'...i didnt fix that because it was unclear which you meant. In 'empires strike against europe' did you mean to change the name from hershey to 'hersher' and 'hershery'?...i also left that alone. I spent about an hour fixing up everthing that i could immediately see. Feel free to call upon the Proofread Service again. We are here to help.
 | The Proofreading Service has proofreaded your article. Like it? Need more proofreading? Click here! |
Pee Review[edit]
| Humour: | 8 | When I saw that this review was for an IP address, I will admit that I did not have particularly high hopes for this review, but I am not afraid to admit that you did a VERY good job with the humour section. I was highly interested in how you spun up the development of Hershey’s, as well as your claim as to how Hershey’s appeals to “Dummies with no Taste” (Americans). |
| Concept: | 9 | There are a lot of food articles out there, as indicated by the table at the bottom of your article, but you did an outstanding job of placing in a multitude of comments, and you took the actual story and wrote one hell of a satire on it. I admired how you even included the part where the unnamed brother died penniless in Europe (Which, to the best of my knowledge, is true!) |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | You did do an excellent job, with only two problems that I could find. With the “Did You Know” there is a way to put the text into a box with a “Did You Know” over it. I honestly think that would be a bit better, but make sure to keep the text, it did a great job in the article. Another small snag was the side bar, indicating hit points and mana and that kind of thing. Sadly, that was the only part I did not find particularly humourous (it just doesn’t flow with the rest of the article). Might I recommend taking a pair of scissors and trimming it out? |
| Images: | 10 | I would have to be completely out of my mind if I gave anything for a score aside from a 10. Your images were all well selected, and despite the fact I have seen the crazy fat kid thousands of times, I think it can tolerate another go. I will admit that I have never seen either of the other two images, which sincerely helped your score. My one and only recommendation would be to put the fat kid on the left side of the article, since he makes the right seem a bit cramped. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8.75 | Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines. |
| Final Score: | 43.75 | As I said before, when I saw an IP address, I did not allow myself to get my hopes up, but you proved me completely wrong. I absolutely believe that this article is a work of brilliance, with only a few minor trims needed. Here is your homework.
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| Reviewer: | Warm Regards, Javascap | |
The Bad Pee[edit]
| Humour: | 1 | Im sorry to say I barely found anything funny about this. This doesnt really explain things about Hershey. It has absolutly no truth in it, and is full of randomness. Although Uncyclopedia isnt really a website of truth, it states in the HTBFANJS under Be a Comedian: Advice About Nonsense and Opposites it states The truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth None of the article is true and people arent going to like that because it was made up and just plain stupid. |
| Concept: | 0 | The concept isnt good, as it is full of randomness and not so truthful. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | You have some spelling errors, which isnt really a good thing as it makes the article look poorly written. To correct these errors, go over the entire page or use Microsoft Word as it has spell check or our proofreading services (which I highly recommend). |
| Images: | 1 | Besides that liitle fat kid dancing, the images are not very appealling. The first one was just gross and the second one was just plain wrong. We're trying to make people laugh, not throw up. And they have nothing to do with a Hershey bar. SO remove those and replace them with actual pictures of the candy and leave the gross things to the show Dirty Jobs. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3 | Average |
| Final Score: | 11 | Not trying to be a dick or anything, but this would be considered stupid rather than funny. I believe you can do better than this. I suggest you rewrite this entire article. Just do research on the internt and you can parodize that instead of making total nonsense. Its also better to get someone elses opinion. And the HTBFANJS is always there to help. Good Luck! |
| Reviewer: | ---   03:06, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
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