Tai Chi

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tai Chi.

Tai Chi is a relaxing drink made from milk, honey, live grasshoppers and spices. It is often found in Natural Food Stores and other hippie establishments. It is a variety of beverage included in the larger category of Kung Food. The drink was made in Oklahoma, hence the name Thai Chi or Tai Chi. Since 2001, Tai Chi has been labelled a member of The Axis of Evil by prominent conspiracy theorist Ralph Nader.

A small cult has sprung up around the beverage, with many members keeping a hot flask about their person, ostensibly for "self defense". While the flask itself could be dangerous, the beverage inside is decidedly not. Tai Chi is quite delicious, especially if served with chicken, lobster, or clap.

People who get involved in the consumption of Tai Chi learn to stand completely motionless, as they try to impersonate trees. They should not be confused with tree hugging hippies, for the latter do not try to be trees, they only hug them. Learning Tai Chi takes many years of practice, most beginners are sidetracked by wanting to eat, drink, go to the toilet, etc. during the first years, but as the person gets closer and closer to a real impersonation of a tree, after many arduous years, these unimportant distractions fade into the background. What makes the art so complicated is the fact, that it is difficult to choose which kind of tree to impersonate.

There are different styles of Tai Chi. Oak style, Blue Spruce style, Dutch Elm style, Emerald Ash Borer style and Bonsai style. The latter is known for its small postures.

Tai Chi is traditionally swallowed in whole gulps, to avoid damaging the live grasshoppers mixed in with the soothing beverage. Tai Chi aficionados can often be seen practicing intricate moves intended to prevent regurgitation of the relaxing beverage as the kicking and screaming of live bugs calmly massages the gastrointestinal lining.

Preparation of Tai Chi is a mixed martial art.

Tai Chi is also a highly practiced skill in the art of management. It involves sweeping motions with the hands, drawing on the energy of the opponents or victims, and using it against them. Many victims of this skill have reported that they found themselves having an increased amount of work to do at work, because their supervisors or bosses had employed this incredible technique of pushing away the work to the hands of others.

Famous Tai Chi Practitioners[edit]