Spanish (language)

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“The people offend me, whenever I meet a spanish person they call me a homo, but pronounce it como.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Spanish Language

“I believe it is a torture device used on students.”

~ North Salem High Student on Spanish Language

Spanish, a language born in 1337 as a way to insult the French and the Arabs behind their backs, is an official language of Transdnistria, an auxiliary language of Portugal and Spain, and the ancestral tongue of 25 Hispano-Rican nations somewhere to the south of the world. It boasts an alphabet with a shifting number of letters, a dozen Nobel Prize winners, 78 auxiliary tenses, and 5432 dialects, including specialized dialects for shouting during near collisions on the road (Che) and for directing livestock (Chilote). There are roughly 324614987 Spanish speakers in the universe.

Spanish Conjugation[edit]

Not known the gay English language (besides in British English), Spanish verbs must be conjugated (no, not had sex with). Unconjugated Spanish verbs either have -ar, -er, -ir on their endings. This literally translates as "to _" such as hablar which means "to speak".

To conjugate them into phrases such as "I speak", "You speak", or "She/he speaks", you must change the ar- er- ir- endings to different endings.


I = -o
You = -as
She/he = -a
We = -amos
You all = -ais
They = -an


I = -o
You = -es
She/he = -e
We = -emos
You all = -eis
They = en


I = -o
You = -es
She/he = -e
We = -imos
You all = -is
They = -en

Unfortunately, in the cool Spanish language there are some words that do not follow this pattern. Thus, have a blast when I tell you to say "Tengo" if I told you to say "I have" in Spanish! (Tener = to have)

There is also the presence of "Singular" and "Plural" forms of words. As well as having "Masculine" and "Feminine". This is why you have "a's" and "o's" in the end of Spanish nouns and such, As are feminine (but All-Woman Clubs seem to differ) while Os are masculine. There is usually too much to cover about the totally awesome language, thus, go back to learning English while you can because you know this language is too cool for you.

Useful Phrases[edit]

  • "¡Hasta otra!" -- I'll be right back.
  • "Ahora vuelvo." -- See you tomorrow.
  • "Eres más puta que las gallinas." -- I think you're a fine lady.
  • "¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?" -- Hey! how are you
  • "La cena esta servida." -- Dinner is ready
  • "Bumbo Klaat man!" -- Hairy goat herder!
  • "¡Gracias!" -- Thank you
  • "¡Mujeres!" -- Women
  • "¡Joder!" -- No, that didn't annoy me at all.
  • "¡Coño!" -- Oh, that's a great surprise!
  • "¡Chúpame la polla!" -- You should try this exquisite poultry, my friend.
  • "¡Muere, hijo de la gran puta!" -- Your mother is very kind!
  • "Una mierda, te voy a dar" -- Here's my wallet, please don't shoot.
  • "Gambitero" -- Person that doesn't stop in house
  • "Por favor." -- Please
  • "Caldor" -- Wait, that was a department store chain in New England. Still sounds like a Spanish word though.
  • "Sí, eso me pasó" -- I wouldn't have been caught dead spending my evening with you and your geek friends.
  • "Que hora es." -- What time is it?
  • "Estamous trabajandou en ello." -- I for one welcome our new oil-greedy, WMD-hoarding, overlords.
  • "A veces atranco el water." -- I like playing basketball.
  • "Sounding the Groo." - I'm coming home from the pub.
  • "Mi casa es tu casa." - My house is your house.
  • "De perdidos al río."- From lost to the river.
  • "Mi gozo en un pozo."- My happiness in a well.
  • "No tengo el chocho pa' farolillos."- I don't have my femenine sexual organs.
  • "Cágate lorito." - Shit yourself you little parrot!
  • "En todas partes cuecen habas." - Everywhere they boil beans.
  • "Que si quieres arroz, Catalina." - That if you want rice Cataline.
  • "Me congratulo." - I think I'll run for president.
  • "El pescao está vendido." - The fish is sold.
  • "¡Qué desastre!" - What of tailor.
  • "Hola" - Hwave
  • "¡Moozzaaaaaaaa reciaaaaaaa!!!!!" - You're cute.
  • "Tienes unos ojos que te comía to`l coño" - "You have some very pretty eyes".
  • "¡Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!" - Watch out for that gaint snake.
  • "Huéleme el pelo." - "Where can I find a hospital?"
  • "Cuñaoooooooooooooo"- Brother from another mother
  • "Divina de la muerte" -- "Don't you think I'm sexy"
  • "¡¡¡No hay temor de Dios!!!"-" There isn't fear of God!!!"
  • "¡Mucha Lucha!" -- "This cartoon sucks"
  • "Por los cerros de Úbeda"-" Along Úbeda's mountains"
  • "Al pan pan, y al vino vino, y en tu culo, mi pepino!!!!"-" Bread to bread and wine to wine, and I'd like to have a cucumber salad!!!"
  • "Tengo los cojones llenos de amor"-"Girl, I miss you so much"
  • "Nena, te extraño muchísimo" - "I've got balls full of love"
  • "¡Me cago en la hostia!"-

    “Oh!! That's not entirely how I wanted it to be. Allow me to correct it!”

    ~ Oscar Wilde

  • "Me cago en tos tus muertos, desgraciao"-"You are a good guy"
  • "España va bien"-"We are doomed!"
  • "Quisiera ser pirata, no por el oro ni la plata, sino por ese tesoro que tienes entre las patas"-"Do you want to have some fun?"
  • "Podemos ser amigos"-"You are very ugly and smell like a pig"
  • "Aha"-"(in a conversation) "Please, tell me more"
  • "Te la pongo en el hombro y pareces la sota de bastos" - "Are you talking to me?"
  • "Como piojos en costura" - "Like louses in sewing"
  • "Luego, si eso, ... " - "Never"
  • "Mirusté" - "Look at it"
  • "Por si las moscas" - "For if the flies"
  • "Me cago en tu padre" - "Is your dad ok?"
  • "¡Viva Honduras!" - "Hello!, I'm stupid"
  • "¿Puedo agarrarte las tetas?" - "Can I see that photo?"
  • "¿Quién es ese hombreeeeee?" - "Please kill me"
  • "Meridiana claridad" - "Meridian clarity"
  • "Hilillos de plastilina" - "I need to take glasses of anus of bottle"
  • "Luego te llamo" - "Forget me"
  • "Aquí te pillo, aquí te mato" - "We should hang out some time."
  • "¿Le gustan las pelis de gladiadores?" - "I'd like two tickets please"
  • "¡Vas a ponerle multas a tu puta madre!" - "I am awfully sorry mr. Policeman, I shall pay the fine in full"
  • "Algo quiere la coneja cuando mueve las orejas" - "I think he seems depressed."
  • "Eres tan fea que cuando te perdiste en el bosque los lobos hicieron una hoguera para que no te acercaras" - " You´re so pretty."
  • "Tengo un cimbel matutino con la forma de un pepino, por delante echa gotas, y por detrás....por detrás, ¿qué? ¡Le cuelgan dooooooos pelotas!!!" - "I feel good."
  • "Ser el puto amo" - "To be the fucking boss"
  • "Me gustan las verguitas de pescado"- I like fishsticks
  • "No me toques las pelotas" - "please, keep doing"
  • "Eres la persona más estúpida de la tierra, a la que maldices con tu sola presencia. ¡Eres tan estúpido que piensas que la "f" de tus notas significa "fabuloso"!" - "You are the smartest person alive! Come over and kiss me!
  • "¡Chinga a tu madre, puto!" - "Goodbye!"
  • "Soy un gringo pendejo" - I'm lost, can you help me?
  • "¡Boludo! (Complete with under-handed motion of the hand like you're grabbing their balls, if given to a woman, pretend she's a transvestite)" - This totally DOESN'T mean "Fuck you!" or "Asshole!", except in isolated enclaves in Chile, it is actually a very formal greeting, akin to, "Hey Homey!". Not, as others would say, "Hey Homo!" But if you're using your right hand while using the gesture and your pinky is elevated beyond the vague notion of its natural 'floating' position, then it's considered "Hey, Homo!" If given with your left hand, you are inviting them to fabulous sex.

Dialects of Spanish[edit]

Related Pages[edit]