Sonata Arctica
Sonata Arctica is an Atlantean group of internationally known heroes and musicians. The members each more manly and swarthy than the last, their leader Tony Kakko lead the Atlanteans away from their sinking homeland and kept their race alive.
The Saga[edit]
Excursion[edit]
One hot summer day the land began to crumble and the trees began to explode as the beautiful tidy Island nation of Atlantis was taken under siege by the sea, all but the intrepid military leaders survived. these men huddled together for comfort and shelter, they ate what they could and made a raft from Atlantean spines. It was later that day as they were sailing through the torrents of blood and death that they spotted the only surviver, a young Henrik Klingenberg. As he waved marmosets in the air he reached out his guitar and the group hoisted him onto their spinal raft. After days of cruising the open sea henrik had fashioned a new instrument from the teeth of Marmosets and the guitar, it was with this new instrument that they began rehearsing and playing as loud as they could for someone to hear them. days and weeks passed by as they were battered by the harsh deserted waters and beating sun, it seemed as if all was lost, but these young heroes would not give up so easily, as they had yet to make names for themselves...
Enter the Thunder God[edit]
A mighty metal chorus was heard off the eastern coasts of Portugal as sailors witnessed the rugged heroes entering their waters. They were given food and shelter by the noble King Oscar Wilde of Portugal. King Wilde offered them all the gold in the kingdom if they could put an end to the evil reign of warlord Acxjo Reteos. Ever knowing and vigilant Tony Kakko lead his men through the searing Portuguese landscape hunting high and low for the bandits, it was by a small lake in the countryside that they saw an unsavoury looking man. Henrik creeped up behind the man and raped him into submission whilst the others distracted him from the other side of the lake. It was through this raping that the bandit was persueded to give the whereabouts of Acxjo Reteos the bandit king. The bandit then limped away as Tony raised his hand to the heavens and uttered the manliest of words "lets go kill him then. The group moved north to the area which Reteos was thought to be occupying they noticed the heavily guarded palace and almost lost hope was it not for the kindly old man who offered them help. The old man offered to sell them the strongest most powerfull weapon in the whole of mankind, Stormbringer. This legendary guitar would bring the status of god upon its very wielder, Kakko was faced with a choice, surrender his whole group to the old man to be his slaves for 7 years in return for the blade, or face certain death at the hands of the bandit king. Tony then had a burst of energy, he roundhouse kicked the old man in the face, bringing him to his knees, he then played the chorus to 'Paid in full' so loud next to the mans head that his entire brain exploded. As brains triumphantly rained from the skies Tony picked up his new guitar, Stormbringer, it was then that he knew he could take on the Bandit King. Sonata Arctica stormed through the guards playing all their best songs, blood and guts turned the humid air red as they entered the kings royal chamber, it was there and then that Tony ripped out the still beating heart of Acxjo Reteos the bandit king, and took a huge bite from it. From that day forth Sonata Arctica were heroes all throughout Portugal and the country returned to normal as a prosperous and industrious Nation. King Wilde parted with his gold and the group used it to buy a strong seaworthy ship they named 'Dana' and set sail for a new land and New hope.
Mountain Mover[edit]
Sonata Arctica found themselves off the coast of Turkey where their ship was shot down, the band swam their way to shore with Henrik ingensting a large amount of seagulls. They were captured and thrown in prison but it was no match for Elias, he rended through the guards like paper with his guitar and they then escaped from the palace grabbing several valueables as they ran. The angry Army persued them for days, Henrik wanted to go back and fight, but Tony persuaded them to keep moving east and they might find refuge. Tony had called fourth mighty thunder storms to leave the troops several days behind them which was lucky for them because time was running out. After spending a day taking refuge inside a cave thinking of a plan it hit them, climb over Mount Ararat and into the peaceful kingdom of Armenia. unfortunately they knew nothing of mountain climbing and had no warm coats or vestments to brave the cold freezing mountain environment. It seemed that all was lost, they looked out onto the horizon to see thousands of gleaming helmets shining in the sunlight, it was now or never. Do they fight? do they stay? it was then that Elias had an idea. He devised a carefull plan to create enough vibration to tear through the mountain and create a passing tunnel straight through. As the troops leaned ever closer the group felt the idea was good enough, and as Elias let out the most earth-shattering solo known to man a pathway was ripped straight through the mountain, they ran through the pass for the next 30 hours before reaching the Kingdom of Armenia, it was then that Elias played some more to collapse the passage through mount Ararat crushing the entire army. From this point on the Ottoman empire had a serious problem with Armenia, but for now all was well as Sonata Arctica traveled to Yereven to continue their quest.
The Great Plague of Portimo[edit]
In Yerevan Sonata Arctica were told by a wise old woman that Time is not a straight line, that it can be bent and warped and so you can travel to a previous time with enough energy exerted. Tommy took this literally and devised a cunning plan to travel back to before the Atlantean disaster and save their people. Tony Kakko approved of this idea and the woman said the most likely place to commit the time travel was a land of tree men to the far north, undeterred by the savage tree-men the brave group decided this to be their main goal and headed north. several days of flying on the mighty winds of the storms Tony's thunder god powers granted him lead them over the communist country of Russia. It was here where Sonata Arctica were captured and harbored as spies, it seemed yet again like all was lost. As they wasted away ever thinner in the harsh dungeon Elias managed to escape. He promised he would send for help in the coming days but the others remained skeptical. 4 days had past and the band was growing weary and thin, Tony noticed a very attractive woman coming towards the holding cell, she gleamed at him with her radiant beautiful eyes from over her head dress. Tommy Portimo thought it was weird that such a woman would find interest in Tony, so he punched her. This lead the guards to angrily beat them some more in retaliation. 1 day later Elias was thrown back in Prison, he apologized to the others for his failure but they forgave him because that is the Sonata Arctica way. Elias learnt that the Russians were growing fat and rich off of all their crops while they were left to starve which is when Tommy Portimo had the greatest idea of his Existence. Tommy thought that it was possible to stimulate the legs of a feralpopulation of grasshoppers with the vibrations from his mighty drumming, he had heard back in Atlantis that the vibration reacts with the crickets activating a "swarm" instinct within their group and this is how plagues are formed. It was a long shot but they had to go for it, it was better than nothing. The band played with all their might for days pounding the guardhouse with their musical talent until a large swarm of locust ravaged the whole huge country of Russia. What was once fertile and powerfull was now barren and the people turned bitter and mean. Sonata Arctica helped shape the modern world with their might journey and doing so they continued north until they heard word of a strange kingdom to the north surrounded by thick fog and said to be full of demons, undetered the mighty Sonata Arctica powermetalled on onto the horizon.
Boletarian Promiscuity[edit]
After arriving in the kingdom of Boletaria, the Band all chose the Temple Knight class and powered their way through the kingdom, defeating many many demons such as the Tower Knight, Maneater, King Allant and Blacksmith Boldwin. They collected hundreds of thousands of Demon's Souls and were able to lull the old one back to sleep once more like the monumental had told them. The black Maiden told them that the Kingdom had suffered a large amount of deaths during the reign of the demons and if they wouldn't mind sending for more men to repopulate the land. Without even talking Marko Paasikoski thrusted into the air a loud sonic boom was heard and every remaining woman in the land of Boletaria became pregnant. Such miracles rarely occured in this time and the fog surrounding Boletaria was lifted. The mighty Sonata Arctica had single handedly saved the kingdom, it seemed that wherever they went they brought peace, guidance and peace to the people in their path. It was safe to say that Sonata Arctica was bigger than Jesus. they continued North to the Kingdom of Tree-men where they must make their final stand.
In the hall of the Elm King[edit]
Their Journey coming to an end the intrepid group made their way deep into the woods of Finland where they were confronted by the Mighty Tree people of the North. Undeserving were they of such a great and mighty nation, they did not wear clothes or share any kindness with humanity, it was from this point onward that Sonata Arctica knew they must destroy them all for they will smite the earth with their very existence. After creating several might thunderstorms Tony managed to strike many of the tree people aflame with lightning, and slowly over the course of the next 4 days all of the tree people burnt to death. Last to die was the Elm King Rathalos Henrik playfully added a tire swing to his arm before he passed. Without worry or a care Sonata Arctica moved further north where they found a raised Plateau in the ground around the mountains, it was here that stood a huge metal object shaped like a hand holding a hammer. Tony took it as a sign that he the thunder god should be here (he later passed on the location to one of his sons in Hammerfall to shoot a video there). Once upon the mighty hammer they played their best song possible "Fullmoon" it was here that Henrik played a joint guitar and keytar solo with Elias, this unholy mighty union of music ripped open the very fabric of time and they were thrust through a twisting nether back to Atlantis, in its time of Beauty and peace.
The never ending way of Sonata Arctica[edit]
They hurried to the marketplace and announced to the people "we must all go on a northern voyage to our promise land of metal, come with us we set sail tomorrow". The following day everyone on Atlantis was prepared and ready to set sail, the journey was tough and took them 2 years to make but when they arrived on the beautiful shores of Finland they knew this was their true home, and it never should have belonged to some stupid Tree people. The Atlanteans developed a strong and powerful civilization in the area, and to this very day are known as the Kingdom of Metal. Sonata Arctica, the most brave and strongest of all warriors braved what all men deemed impossible for their right to play metal and for their people. They were forever idolized as gods and still release brilliant music to this day despite what some people say about Unia.
The Aftermath[edit]
Sonata Arctica shaped the World as we know it and have the most important part to play in modern society. Now creating a heavy influence on Japan along with their sons mighty bands it will not be long before Sonata Arctica create more Epic tales and memories that time shall never forget. Some may think of Sonata Arctica as but a band, but now you know the full history behind the group you shall be enlightened with the truth and knowledge that the metal watches over us all and as we spread its mighty word we create a new world, a better world where Lady Gaga is hung in public several times a year thanks to the glory of Henrik's time traveling Keytar.
Influences[edit]
Sonata Arctica are the ones who brought the native Atlanteans to Europes northern shores, upon encountering the tree people of Finland they genocided them all and upon this new land they built their empire, one of Heavy Metal and awesome that would stand the test of time as the greatest nation on the planet. The country now known as Finland has churned out hit upon hit of metal music for centuries and this is all thanks to Sonata Arctica the Immortal overlords of Finland.
Sonata Arctica are famous all over the world and continue to tour today, they have spawned many Demi-god sons some of most noticeable carrying on the proud musical tradition in the bands Hammerfall, Stratovarius, Orphaned Land, Ruoska, Rammstein and of course Masterplan. The metal revolution has been loudly amassing under our feet for centuries and it is thanks to Sonata Arctica that these tales shall be forever Told.
Members[edit]
Current[edit]
- Tony Kakko: Some believe he is Hugh Jackman, others believe he is Thor the thunder god. Kakko has inspired stories through the time of man for Centuries.
- Elias Viljanen: Wielder of the most Devastating of all Atlantean weapons The Guitar, Elias has been known to move mountains and part seas with his legendary weapon.
- Guitars (2007−present)
- Backing vocals (2007−present)
- Marko Paasikoski: Codpiece of the gods, he has been known to make women pregnant for upto 100 mliles away, the man is rumored to have once had relations with Morgan Freeman and also owns a private carpark in the centre of New York that is used for his extensive collection of Canadian coins, he currently has 7.
- Bass guitar (2000−present)
- Backing vocals (2000−present)
- Guitars (1996–1997)
- Tommy Portimo: The bringer of plagues uses powerful clubs to rhythmically beat the ground to enspire all those around him, skepticism surrounds the idea that he sank Atlantis with these clubs. I know this guy. He is the brother of my old schoolmate.
- Drums (1996−present)
- Henrik Klingenberg: The herder of goats is the latest member to the crew, inexperienced and inconviniencing he created his own humble weapon from that of a deadly Atlantean guitar and the teeth of the rare Atlantis flat toothed Marmoset, with these he created an almighty instrument that shakes the heavens and explodes the femurs of dancing bears all over Russia. the Instrument is known as the Keytar, and without this Sonata Arctica would not be as powerfull as they are today.