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“Sometimes I rhyme, and sometimes I mime, and sometimes I rhyme like a mime with a lime!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rhyme

Rhyme is a thing, to which poets cling, as they write their trite and poor flavoured shite. When rhyme is made, it is purveyed and portrayed in a story so told as if affluent gold. But what others may find from the artist’s limerick is rarely refined and often anaemic. And so, with haste, I will give you a taste, and hope to baste you in tasteless waste.


The history of rhyme goes back to a time where maids and knaves were audacious and brave. Where wenches and witches and bastards and bitches wore frilly pink stitches, and never did shave. With gowns of bright white and bonnets of jet black, they did write and they did write their sonnets with a knack. But in the old tongue did they write their confections, leaving most to be hung with a certain rejection. Though an example there exists that insists and persists to enlist great assistance to these troubling twists. It was made by a Greek, and though it’s antique, it will forever bespeak the intricate technique. And now we will see, a piece fit to be a swallow of a hollow time, and thus, it does follow:

“In the beginning of the world, there was naught but a light,
That spun and swirled throughout the dark night.
It then did produce, in a glorious thunder,
The god named Zeus, in a fruity little number.”
~Socrates and Pocrates

Not Rhyming[edit]

NotRhyming is a common practice invented by the Great Suckatpoerty-Seizure. Many people do this when they are lacking of creativity and a brain. Examples:

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

Some poems rhyme,

But Your Mom doesn't.

Words not to use while Rhyming[edit]

“Never say vortex, or cerebral cortex, because these two words have no rhythym and don't rhyme and aren't intelligent in the least. !”

~ Captain Clip Clop on on Rhyming

While Rhyming you often find words which do not rhyme. here are some of those bastard words and to help you we've taken the trouble to make up some rhymes (in brackets) just incase you get yourself into a sticky situation:

  • Almond (our mum)
  • Angst (and guest)
  • Aspirin (aspiring)
  • Breadth (breasts with a lithp)
  • Cannabis (and a bus)
  • Chocolate (immaculate)
  • Chimney (him an' me)
  • Depth (hap'orth; Hepworth)
  • Different (in front)
  • Elbow (Well, bro!)
  • Engine (and Jim; Indian if you're John Wayne)
  • Film (Willum if you're from Dublin; feel him if you're from Brighton)
  • Foible (my ball if you be from Zomerzet)
  • Fugue (if you go - if you get strangled before you can articulate th . . . aaargh)
  • Galaxy (Gulag C - if you're Solzhenitsyn)
  • Golf (Rolf - oh come on this is easy)
  • Hostage (lost stitch)
  • Chuck Norris (***k Boris; luck, no risk)
  • Iron (I am; I and; I un- with "-derstand" on the next line etc.)
  • Justice (Must dis- with "-agree" on the next line etc.)
  • Luggage (bug itch; rug edge)
  • Neutron (loo throne; poo thrown)
  • Office (oh fish)
  • Orange (only rhymes with door henge)
  • Olive (oh lift; oh live, or leave if you're Maurice Chevalier)
  • Pizza (Chichen Itza)
  • Plankton (banked on)
  • Sanction (as above but with a "w")
  • Sandwich (grand witch)
  • Transfer (Gran's fur)
  • Width (the pits - with a lithp)
  • Wolf. (full of)
  • And you forgot orange . . . they always include orange. (fringe; arrange; whinge).
  • Oh yes and silver of course (elver; ill sir?)
  • And purple (car pull, the pall, Ah Paul!)
  • And did we do month? Can't remember. (bumph, hundred-and-oneth, dunce with a lithp, hunch . . . I'll get me coat . . .)
  • Phantom (what the fuck rhymes with phantom)
  • Orange (Your Mom)

A example of a good Rhyme[edit]

A good Rhyme can take many years to construct here is an example of one such Rhyme:(note Rhyming words are in bold)

I know a guy named Pete,

He liked his Meat,

He hid under my sheet,

And sqeezed my Teet.

Latest Research[edit]

Rhyme is an active area of research in most universities. One of the latest theories to come from the academic pursuit of this subject is the 'if it rhymes then it's true' hypothesis. Work is in progress to strengthen the theory to prove that something is true if and only if it rhymes. Unfortunately this leads to a paradox because the theory itself does not rhyme. The effort continues to search for an implementation of this theory in rhyme.

there once was a very fat cat

he happned tew eat all his snacks

so his nose became runny

and then he ate a bunny

o he was a very fat cat

This work is closely related to the theory that everything on the internet is true. It is also closely related to Brian Blessed.