Red Jihad
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Red Jihad is way more than just a simple terrorist organization, it also controls the Knights of the Round Table and lyrics of the missunderstanded (she's way too popular) pop star Madonna. It took only one night for the idea of world's greatest terrorist organization to evolve. Founder who is better known by the name of SiMe didn't follow the mainstream. Usually twisted perverts see enjoyable dreams wetting their pants but SiMe saw a dream with wetted pants. Team without rules, tactics, purpose, underwear or lack of semtex was about to born.
To be the most feared terrorist team in the universe you have to have at least one expert from every category of the arts of war (to believe what Napoleon said while losing the fight of Waterloo). So SiMe started to gather the greatest nerds he could find placing his insatiable will of mastering the secret receipt of ELF BREAD before his life. Hobbit hunt started. It's very easy to beat a tiny hobbit for even the most spindling nerd. If you manage to surprise it. From behind. So after bloody fight (fought trough the webcams) Juro took his place as the Red Jihad's secretary being already responsible of everything that could/will go wrong. "Group is nothing without a tactical advisor" is one of the main rules when creating a capable gun team. So SiMe and Juro had to disagree with that main rule and start to look for something that can handle bullet holes. And lame jokes about scoring. Why to go fish further than the closest sea? Infact why to go even further than the closest lake ? Feared fish called Lahna proved how unskilled he was with the firearms missing every single shot he fired in a barn trying to hit the walls. After Lahna made clear that he responded the current skill level of the Red Jihad he was more than welcome to join. Bond to the others was sealed by the joke he launched: "What is worse than a chauvinist? A woman that doesn’t do as told" My god Lahna was in.
Rules[edit]
Holy triangle was completed and it was time to declare the objectives that Red Jihad organization could chase. Main points were settled in the nearly agreeing gathering that Juro and Lahna missed. Following things must be done/followed before/till the end of times:
- In semtex we believe, by semtex we live
- Slaughter all helium voiced kids if they remind wannabe-fkr Jason Bourne even slightly
- Pollute as many minds of promising kids as possible with dirty dirty things
- Encourage teenagers to cut their wrists to ease their depression
- Own your life to the philosophy of virgin-for-ever
- YOU HAVE TO BE ATLEAST AS INDEPENDET AS SIMES LITTLESISTER (You don't take the trashes out even if it would be your turn to do that. You have opinions. You know everything better and your big brother is a drooling idiot, if you happen to have one.)
- YOU CANT BE A DIRTY "TOW-JOE"
- YOU CANT HAVE A RED-HEADED STEP-CHILD
Conclusion[edit]
Now you have all the information about Red Jihad that exists. If you feel cocky for some reason, take your course to the nearest public cafe and be eager to spot warmly smiling middle-eastern holding a cell phone looking trigger. Even if you would be ready to join Red Jihad faction, it's impossible. You can't join to Red Jihad. You have to born to Red Jihad. Shortly: Red Jihad is community created by Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (X360) players who intend to blow everything hell up. And who don't judge offensive middle-aged people called Kuha. They are just victims of the curse called "pikku-rusto".
If somebody, sometime, when you least expect it, comes to you and says "ALLAAAAAHHH!!", you wish you'd be in the candid camera.