Red Dwarf/classic

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Josef Stalin at the Fourth Congress of the Soviet International, November 1922

Red Dwarf is a derogatory term applied to a number of Communist revolutionaries who were short. It is believed that the resentment of these little people fueled their later climbs to power. Due to their subsequent imposition of totalitarian power and control of the press, many so-called "Red Dwarfs" succeeded in expunging all historical references to their diminutive statures from their native countries. But here in the free world, sustained by the first amendment and the tabloid press, the truth comes out.

Famous Red Dwarves/Dwarfs/Dwarfers/Leaders of well known communist revolutions[edit]

  • Arnold Smegaroo - He is a tit.
  • Karl Marx - founder of communism - real height 5'3"
  • V.I. Lenin - leader of the Russian Revolution - real height 5'1"
  • Leon Trotsky and Josef Stalin - rivals to succeed Lenin - real heights unknown (In their struggle for power following Lenin's death each man claimed his opponent was shorter. Trotsky began by claiming Stalin was only 5'0". Stalin responded by claiming Trotsky was only 4'10". Trotsky retorted that new evidence showed Stalin had shrunk to 4'8". Stalin in turn went before the Soviet Assembly and claimed Trotsky was part of a conspiracy of people who were all 4'5" or less and went on to say, "and he's the shortest bastard in the bunch." Round after round of new accusations were climaxed by Stalin's 1929 proclamation that Trotsky's height was 0'0" and that therefore he did not exist and was a figment of people's imaginations. Stalin reinforced this statement by subsequently hunting down Trotsky and beating him to death with an icepick. However being 0'0 this wasn't possible unless Stalin was similarly 0'0, thus creating a power vacuum that nearly sucked in some local US nukes, aka the cold war)
  • Mao Zedong - leader of the Chinese Revolution - real height 6 feet *Dave Lister - leader of the Jamaican Revolution - real height 4'9" (but the hat makes him look taller).

More about the vicious "red" agenda[edit]

Some Red Dwarves managed to infiltrate USA onboard Zambian pirate ships in the late seventies. They acted as communist spies and saboteurs who followed orders given to them by their communist leaders via high tech satelitte phones.

During the late eighties two Red Dwarves, Grant and Naylor, created a TV show "Red Dwarf" (for BBC). At first sight it was a normal and innocent sitcom, but when closely examined viewers can see it is infected with a dirty "red" agenda. Nothing was innocent about it.

As they do with all finely crafted, well written, and superbly acted British TV shows (and movies, lately) imperialist scum from overseas (alias Smegpots) in the late nineties took the premise and made their own show (by the same name). Unknowingly they unleashed "red" hell upon the world through a more American means, leaving every human on the planet with an IQ of 42, which in most parts of the USA actually registered as a vast improvement and actually led to many breakthroughs in the science of flipping burgers.

The American show was wisely cancelled after only one episode; the British version lasted for more than a decade, making BBC the biggest communist propaganda machine the world has ever seen.

See also[edit]