Recent advances in mecha technology
“What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
The classic, legged mechs have long been obsolete, having evolved into tanks over time due to the simple fact that a walking vehicle is far to unstable to even be a threat to Don Knotts, a well known deceased Litch. These primitive walking mechs were only capable of harming opponents by falling on them.
"No more!", says scientist Albert Einstein, via an Ouija board, "A new era in mecha is dawning. I only regret I will not be here to witness the carnage."
A new breed of mech has come into existence. The term 'breed' is entirely literal because the first of these new mechs was conceived during the one-night-stand Optimus Prime had with an M1 Abrams Tank. The resulting offspring developed in the fuel tank of the Abrams, much to the chagrin of her crew, as they could not drive her into combat during the nine months of development. They complained to Optimus Prime for getting their tank pregnant, but Prime promptly told them to kiss his ass. At the moment of the mech's birth, scientists knew a new era in weaponry was dawning. Named "Lil' Badass" (LBA), the new mech had legs like its father, but they were so sturdy none of the traditional methods of defeating mechs worked on it. Stretching a rope across it's path? Lil' Badass just rips through it. Jam a stick between the legs? It just snaps in two. Stairs? He just steps over 'em.
Though LBA himself is a sentient robot like his father, a whole new generation of mechs are being designed after him. "The LBA models will be fueled with a fusion core that doesn't use plutonium. Instead, it uses a mixture of 3 gallons of the tears of innocent British orphans, a drop of Chuck Norris's blood, a clipping from Mr. T's Mohawk, and 4 gallons of ADAM. The reaction is much more powerful and the LBAs won't need refuelling for up to 10 years," says a research assistant whose name is of no consequence. The LBA models are expected to leave the production lines in December, 2010, and then end the war in the Middle East after about 3 days of deployment. Needless to say, many Middle Easterners have shit themselves upon reading the news of the LBA development.
