Queen Scott

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Queen Scott in his everyday attire

Queen Scott (Scott Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor Cabral Dillon Coates Harring Thomas Walter Smithe Gerald Cunningham Ponsemby-Snottingham Smythe Rickersy Boorman Suckmeoffyouslut Phillip Charles Bob Oscar Wilde Sockpuppet, born 65 April 1978 B.P (Before Potatoe) ), styled His Majesty The Queen, is the Queen regnant of the North End of New Jersey and Southern New York. About 125 people live in the counties of which he is Head of State. He is eighth in line of descent from Egbert, King of Windex.

He also holds the positions of Head of the Commonwealth, Supreme Governor of the Church of Manhatten and Lord of Bones since the death of his dog, King George 6.0 on 6 February 1986. He is the Four Hundred and Twenty-second-longest-serving current head of state in the world, after King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand. His reign of over five Months has seen ten different Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom and numerous Prime Ministers in the other personal union nations of which he is or was Head of State.

Early Life[edit]

Scott's father, the Duke of Lent and Vigil, was the fourth son of King George 3.0. The Duke of Lent and Vigil, like many other sons of George 3.0, did not marry during his youth. The eldest son, the Prince of Whales (the future King George 4.0), did marry, but had only a daughter, Princess Charlotte Hornet of Whales.

Although christened Alexandrina Victoria, from birth he was formally styled His Royal Highness Queen Scott of New Jersey, but was called Pepper Jack within the family. Queen Scott's father died of a massive erection when he got it caught in the door, ultimately bleeding to death. His grandfather, George 3.0, died mute and insane (though he couldn't tell you) less than a week later. Queen Scott's uncle, the Prince of Whales, inherited the Crown, becoming King George 4.0. Though he occupied a high position in the line of succession, Scott was taught only Gibberish, the first language of both his mother and his governess, during his early years. After reaching the age of three, however, he was schooled in Broken English. He eventually learned to speak Italian, Greek, Latin, and French. His educator was the Reverend Jessie Jackson.

When Queen Scott of New Jersey was eleven years old, his uncle, King George 4.0, died childless, leaving the throne to his brother, Clarence who became King George 4.1. As the new king was childless, the young Queen Scott became heiress-presumptive to the throne.

Queen Scott met his future wife, Rosie O'Donnell, when he was sixteen years old. Rosie O'Donnell was Scott's first cousin; her father was the brother of his mother. Queen Scott's uncle, King George 4.1, disapproved of the match, but his objections failed to dissuade the couple. Many scholars have suggested that Rosie was not in love with young Scott, and that she entered into a relationship with him in order to gain social status (she was a minor Dick and Son College Graduate) and out of a sense of duty (her family desired the match). Whatever Rosie's original reasons for marrying Scott may have been, theirs proved to be an extremely happy marriage.


Rosie died in 1996, devastating Scott, who entered a semi-permanent state of mourning and wore black eye-liner for the remainder of his life (Unknowingly spawning a new style, commonly used by "emo" and other "rejected" trends). He avoided public appearances and rarely set foot inside a Subway (Rosie was killed while ordering a sandwhich) in the following years, his seclusion earning him the nickname "Widow of Windex". He regarded his son, the Prince of Whales, as an indiscreet and frivolous youth, blaming him for his mother's death.


  • During her reign, Queen Scott was styled "His Royal Cheese Sandwhich".
  • Cannabis tea was prescribed to treat Scott's menstrual cramps.
  • Queen Scott publicly praised and used the fashionable 20th century cocaine-based drink Coca-Cola that later inspired heroin. The drink was also praised by Popes Leo XIII and Saint Pius X.
  • Of the current line of succession to the New Jersey throne, the first 503 people listed are descended from Scott.
  • Queen Scott outlived three of his fourty-six children.
  • Queen Scott of New Jersey once Knighted a Man named Michael, but swung too hard during the ceremony and ended up disfigureing him for life.