Primordial soup

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Primordial soup (also known as "primordial ooze") was the first soup ever. All other soups were descended from this first protoplasmic soup.

History of Primordial Soup[edit]

The Book of Evogenesis of the Holy Babel records that the primordial soup existed in the beginning. It also claims that Charles Darwin (the founder and First prophet of Evolutionism) asked the God of Evolutionism (a.k.a. The First Organism) to create for him a primordial ooze for him and many witnessed thereof unto it and converted to the Religion of Evolutionism on the spot.

It is widely believed that the first Tofuballs came into existence in the primordial soup. These Tofuballs later evolved into Meatballs.

The Primordial Soup has many other fables, myths, and legends surrounding it. For example, you can claim a bounty from the Church of Evolutionism if you can create a pure example of a primordial soup, and an even bigger bounty if you can create life from the primordial ooze, preferably utilizing some form of lightning.

Reports by caveman food critics claimed that primordial soup tasted like a mix between Cream of Mushroom soup and Satan. Satan has declined to comment at this point, although he's generally thought of as a jerk who shouldn't be commenting on this sort of thing anyway.

Traces of the first (and only) batch of primordial soup have since been found, and are now being sold at ritzy soup-houses for $10, or $99,000,000,000,000 (Canadian).

Recipe for making Primordial Soup[edit]

Since the dawn of time, primordial soup has played a very important role in the Religion of Evolution; which is why we know that you would really like to make some.

It is suitable for vegetarians, but may contain traces of nuts.


  • Zeus's Mighty Lightning Bow
  • Zeus's Mighty Arrow of Lightning
  • The First Organism Special Permission Certificate


  1. Gather any kind of elements you are able to find in the Creation of Earth. Mix well.
  2. Load the Arrow of Lightning into the Bow.
  3. Aim and shoot at the mixture.
  4. Simmer and wait.


If you see Evolution's Army coming out of the soup, you are successful in creating the Primordial Soup. If you wait for many thousands of millennii, you might also have a chance to see Homo sapiens (a.k.a Humans) emerging. If you do not see anything happening, too bad. But keep trying. You never know.