Oscar Pistorius

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“Oscar wants a new toilet door, trouble is his wife is dead against it!”

~ Oscar Wilde

Oscar Kevin Martin Pistorius (born November 22, 1986) is a South African Paralympic hopeful in shooting.

Early life[edit]

Pistorius was born in Greece to a Greek father and South African mother. Although he was born with no legs, his mother encouraged him to 'shuffle' from a very young age. Thus encouraging the viral 'Oscar stump shuffle' the first ever exclusively South African sport. His mother bought him a pair of prosthetic limbs for his 9th birthday and taught him how to walk. Unfortunately Pistorius found this extremely difficult to master and could only sprint. Little did his parents know that this would later win him a gold medal in the 'awwww look at them poor little men try and run' race in the 2008 and 2012 Paralympic Games.


After an unsuccessful attempt at sneaking into the real Olympics, the blade runner was dumped back into the easy one that he always won at. Unsurprisingly, he won almost every race he's ever competed in. After becoming increasingly bored in his sport, he decided to try out shooting. He began his training in February 2013. Firstly practicing shooting them pesky black guys outside of his home but decided to 'shake it up' a bit with a rendition of 'shoot the toilet intruder'. He was incredibly successful at this and his success was widely publicised.


Despite his incredible success, some people felt that he should have pre-warned the person who he shot. In March 2013 he admitted that he probably shouldn't shoot his girlfriend as its quite a naughty thing to do. But his argument was that he had spread much joy by providing millions of jokes such as...'Oscar Pistorius has murdered his girlfriend. Proof that even a man with no legs has a better shot than Fernando Torres'. After a lengthy trial process, in which he did a lot of crying, he was found guilty of culpable homicide but not guilty of murder, therefore making the whole process a complete waste of time.