Neways
Neways is a country just off the west coast of Norway. With the largest population of Internet freaks in the world, this country should never be visited.
History[edit]
Early history[edit]
Founded in 1990, Neways was discovered by various opium-addicted British explorers. The land was chosen due to its large supply of fibre optic cables. Although originally a large convict settlement, it became a home for businessmen, noobs and politicians alike.
Civil War of 1996[edit]
On April 2nd 1996, civil war broke out in Neways. This war would the future layout for the nation. The country was broken up into three armies, the army of businessmen, the army of noobs and the army of politicians. The war lasted for 4 days before everyone realised no one knew what a war really meant. Afterwards, a compromise was made that the nation be split into 3 equal parts.
Although this seemed like a good idea in theory, none of these people were really good at mathematics. Hence, in reality, the politicians received 20% of the land, the businessmen 25% and the noobs 55%. 3 days after the splitting of land was completed and the unbreakable contracts signed, the businessmen and the politicians became aware of this mistake and declared war on the noobs. However, after realising one again that they didn't know what a war was, the businessmen decided to declare war on the noobs in the 'Cyber World'.
The war is still going to this day. An unnamed historian had the following to say about the history of Neway:
“In the begging, war was fought over land. Today, wars are fought over LAN.”
Brief outline of the peoples[edit]
Businessmen[edit]
Perhaps the strangest people in the nation, the reasons for businessmen coming to Neways is rather remarkable. In a world flooded with stock market crashes, political correctness and so on, they came to Neways to create a world where everyone would conform to the strange, almost cult-like ideas.
They did not, however, count on the politicians being on the land.
After launching independence in 1996, the businessmen have become world leaders in stamping paper, even managing large exports despite the war. Also, they are currently giving the Italians a run for their money in suit making, as they are now world number 5 in exporting suits world wide (this number is gradually rising).
Unfortunately, crime rate is on the rise, with the most common form of crime being:
“Randomly belting the shit out of people on the street for no real good reason as outlined by the big piece of paper in the vault at that really tall building”
Noobs[edit]
The so-called 'geniuses' of Neways, these people are the only ones who have actually invented something during their short lived independence (beginning in 1997).
The invention (named 'The Shootanater', see image right) was invented by PronzFTW. Initially, the invention made the noobs appear to be emo, but after it was discovered the noobs had "no fucking idea how to use the damn thing they retained their title of noobs.
Originally, they came to settle Neways with the idea of making a nation full of strange ways of living, popular to the belief of all noobs. They did not, however, count on the businessmen being on the land.
Politicians[edit]
The politicians came to Neways to make a nation where their stupidity would be admired by all.
They did not, however, count on the noobs.
Completely unwillingly, the politicians have become world leaders in unrehearsed, real life humour (see picture, right). They have become so successful that they now have a popular, reality television show (titled insert joke here), that is currently being sent around the world. And just think. They did this all whilst a civil war was going on in their backyards.
“If that doesn't prove politicians are wankers, nothing will”