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“I've been on plenty of those”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mandates


A mandate is a social engagement attended by couples in which both of the people, human beings, that is, are male and above the age of 18 years. A mandate usually consists of a shared meal, possibly attendance at a play, then back to the old apartment for a little hump and squirt. Mandates almost never lead to longer-term relationships, since it is likely that either one or both of the participants will catch a horrible disease and die, because when it comes to dating God likes it to be strictly hetero. It says so in the Bible, therefore, it is true.