Mothers Against Designated Drivers

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Mad Magazine?

A PSA ad, circa 1974. I'd tap it.

Mothers Against Designated Drivers (MADD) is a non-profit, non-sensical and anti-orgy organization in the United States and other countries. MADD has been instrumental in changing laws and opinions about driving under the influence, walking under the influence, and watching sports under the influence of alcohol, caffeine, and other drugs. MADD is not at all self-righteous, and if you think that, it's evidence that you have a problem. Just calm down and have a cocktail, will ya?

Like many neo-fascist organizations, MADD's membership is comprised mostly of menopausal and/or PMS suffering women from the suburbs who absolutely love bitching and often taking part in general sand-in-vagina behavior. MADD considers itself a victims' rights organization and is therefore beyond reproach and is free to subvert liberties and freedoms to promote a radical agenda. Formed in 1916, its stated goals are to reinstate prohibition, reduce alcohol-related fatalities, minimize enjoyment of life, and distribute syrupy Christmas sweaters to the poor all over the world.

Agenda

MADD seeks to promote a safer, cleaner, and more depressing world through its worldwide education, outreach, lobbying, guilt-tripping and brainwashing efforts. Its public policy agenda is to:

• Strictly enforce and create laws prohibiting the use of motor vehicles, industrial equipment, and remote controls by those under the influence of alcohol or common sense.
• Increases in taxes levied on alcohol as part of an overall stick it to the poor initiative.
• Reduce the operating hours of businesses that sell alcohol and then take money from alcohol companies.
• Guilt trip politicians into carrying out their dirty work, or else they'll take off their clothes and have a menopausal woman dance in front of them
• Claim to be a "non-profit organization" yet pay their administrators over $100,000 a year, a gift certificate for Chili's and five maidens of virtue true
• Convince gullible masses that there's nothing wrong with the term "guilty until proven innocent" and that drinking one beer before driving makes the Bogeyman come out and eat you at night.
• Force breathalyzers in people's cars, and promote beer substitutes made from Britney Spears' socks.
• Force people to acknowledge that no one wants to have sex with them
• Destroy any and all bars in the world, thus removing 25% of the world's stress relief, removing 65% of the worlds supply of sex, and ridding 88% of the world's ability to mate with lower/uglier beings of the same species (this may in turn solve the over population problem)
• Perhaps wikia owner Michael Davis will someday have his loved ones burned to death at the hands of a drunk driver and learn the importance of thinking with emotion and creating a fascist police state

Near Future of MADD

Reforming into MAFDSWROEP or Mothers All For Drinking Since We Ruined Our Entire Population

See also

• Prohibition
• Menopause
• PMS
• Osama bin Laden
• Nazi Germany
• Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
• Hypocrite
• DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers)