Lamb of God
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“The devil is channeled through their music and instructs me to lead the GOP.”
“Lamb of God is the perfect music to baptize children to and strangle hookers to.”
“Jesus-FUCK! Randy Blythe goatse'd my asshole!”
“THEY COPY Me THEY COPY ME! WAH WAH WAH!”
“I Thought this would be a good christian band when i saw thier new CD at bestbuy but BOY! was i supprised!!!.”
Lamb Of God is a groove metal band from white-bred conservative America. highly influenced by the bands like Cher, Gordon Lightfoot or Abba. They tries to join the KKK but were turned down due to one of the members who has been given name suspension (....its Randy ..shoosh) being discovered to being gay for Elton John. Alas they used music to convey their message.
The band used to call themselves "Itseh Bitseh Kitteh Commiteh" but due to massive controversies and some false accusations of them being part of the crucifixion of Jesus, they changed their band's name to "Skullfucking Jesus", which is a synonym originating from Mathew 5:12. The present name change was due to a controversy with the American Church of Christian Sheeple that claimed that "Skullfucking Jesus" was a sacred name only utterable from the Son of God himself: The Flying Spaghetti Monster. . They are also willing to release their own trademark t-shirt writing "Jesus is not a cunt, not" by contrast to the famous t-shirt "Jesus is a cunt" but unfortunately due to lack of money, since most of their fees are wasted on buying diapers for the vocal Abdullah-Panty Fight and buying ducks for the drummer Md.Sex Adler, they failed to print the t-shirt, however although it was a good and perhaps last chance to promote their band's name. their biggest fan is mohammid jihad, responsible for the death of the singers camels.
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History and Formation[edit]
The band is originally from Samangan, Afghanistan, consisted by the vocal ayatullah-cumy Fight, guitarist Chowder-in-slow-Motion and bAbu Bully Toddler, bassist phone Moan crumble and drummer Mc Chuddler.Till now the band released all total -5 albums and surprisingly the band achieved great admiration in their home and sold almost all 5 copies of each album in the whole sandesh kiddies kindergarten. The band is originally renowned for it's extra advanced-raunchy creativity like peeing sulphur on their fans from the stage which caused the guitarist Mohammad-in-slow-Motion getting brutally beaten up by a [justin beiber] fan. Also the vocal ayatullah-cumy Fight was accused of harassing a visitor's pet salamander and making it's butt hole wider which consequently resulted into a welstaung and depriving him from performing for whole 5 days. Due to this sorrow and scratch on their band's reputation, they decided not to perform for next 5 years as well and they will get back to stage only with their imprisoned member butt to face. Although a report by Mr.Paparazzim "Vito Andolini" shows that no organizer actually wanted them to perform on stage on the ground raised a rumor that various crew of the organization was brutally man slaughtered by the drummer Mc Chuddler which was said to smell like garlic, this was however rebutted by the drummer himself, making it clear that his breath did not smell like garlic and he in fact will not tolerate this kind of humiliation anymore and doubled with the broken promise that if it happens again he will go back to his country and practise BDSM Islamic Republic Of Afghanistan and come back again and will start bukake Michael Jackson. In 1997 the band released their first, than, self-titled full-length album "Burn The Priests groins" through G-Series label. This album was produced by Steve Austin (don't mix him up with the bald psycho head Stone Cold Steve Austin) and later the producer left producing their album claiming that they breached the contract by sexually harassing his amoeba and brutally raping his bald eunuch cousin.
Musical Influences[edit]
The music of the band is basically based on famous Afghan boy bands from the 80's: Slayer (guitar riffs) Pantera (groovy beats overdubbed at a faster tempo) and traditional Afghani Hip Hop etc. They had a classic gospel sound with sweet angelic voice of Abullah, and soft pig squesls by Mr. Fart motion and loony horny jungle beats by Sex Adler and onstage tribal antics with camels by Moan Fumble. They used to play for mosques where people would just love them. They'd bang their heads with the beats and shout.."horny Lamb of God, can I have you for my dinner tonight?.." until one day This Guy the head priest of the Jihayat Jama Mun mosque at that time stuck something in Abullah's throat and poor thing he got choked and couldn't utter a word.... Until Md. Sex Adler came to his rescue with his magical drum sticks while the other band members poured Afghani Coke mixed with camel urine down his bloody throat. Then nothing was ever the same. Abullah's sweet angelic voice was replaced with a constipated evil machine's noise and Sex Adler became obsessed with penetrating and poking things with his drum stick. Lamb of God cried for revenge.. and they burned down all the mosques in Afghan after sodomizing all the priests with hot iron rods (but This Guy had already vanished from Afghanistan) giving rise to the Black Metal revolution which eventually invaded the world and eventually gave rise to the bunch of sexually frustrated clowns named Holy Regime of Taliban. Now you know why they worship idols of Abudllah-Panty Fight and Sex Adler in their panties and jack off as they gather around their idols as their ultimate sacrifice - Fujayat Al Wazira (Cum on the Lamb). They also bow down in front of them (their asses facing the idols) and perform something called Mukra ka Fukra (aka group fart) when they receive gifts and goods from Uncle Sam for their Ass-foolery.
Current Position[edit]
Though, Lamb of God broke down, they're still united and meet each other on holidays and sometimes even jam infront of Md.Sex Adler's prison cell to make him jealous and piss him off.
Discography[edit]
- Burn The Priest (rawrrawrrawrrawrrawr?!)
- New American Gospel (Yay finally something we can call metal)
- As the Palaces Burn (heavy like a fat chick at a buffet)
- Ashes of the Wake (More groove I like it )
- Sacrament (hells soundtrack)
- Wrath ( Groove, groove, and more GROOOOOVE!
- Resolution(FUCK FUCKETTY Fuck.Fuck.FACK FACK FACK. This album rules motherfuckers, go and buy it.)