Kano

"Hehe, ello baby, did chu fuckin miss me?"

Kano or better known by his birth name of Trevor Goddard by his loyal fan base is an Australian thug, pirate-wannabe, and crazed womanizer, well known for his stint in Mortal Kombat. He is very distinguishable from the rest of the MK kast by his thick goatee, thick Australian accent, his love for women's thighs, and most of all the metal plate on his face (which makes him look like a Terminator rip-off). Because of his swaggering attitude, his thick Aussie accent, his ability to land himself in between the thighs of any woman he wanted, and his awkward, but effective fighting style, he is and always will be greater than even the almighty Chuck Norris himself. ...Shit, I'm sorry, Chuck; I didn't mean

Early life

Kano's early days in the Australian navy (**cough**days in JAG**cough**). He's a as he loves to say, a fuckin heartthrob

Kano was born in Japan (or was it Australia?). When he was 10 years old, he got his first taste of the thug life when he beat up some of his fellow students regularly in his school playground for their lunch money. He did this on purpose because he enjoyed getting in trouble (and he happened to have a crush on the school principle because she was hot). One day, his parents took him to a petting zoo and he accidentally killed one of the chickens after he bit it's leg off. It was this incident that aroused his current love for chicken legs. By the time he reached his mid teens, Kano had perfected his unique style of smooth jazz. Often performing in elitist coffee shops where he was received with both critical panning and a hat full of assorted merkins, as is custom in Australia.

Mortal Kombat

At the age of 20, Kano had already become a well known criminal mastermind and the leader of a group of pirate wannabes called the Black Dragon Clan. During one of his missions, he met Sonya Blade, Sonya Blade's partner, and Jax and started a fight with the wannabe police team. In the battle that insured, Kano killed Sonya's partner with a really weird looking knife by putting a big "smile" on his face (Kano likes to say it was "ear to ear"). After this happened, Jax went "gangsta" on his ass and broke his foot up in Kano's ass (and on the right side of his face). Kano devistated by this lose vowed revenge. After this incident, Sonya made it her life's mission to hunt down the thug and put him in between her massive thighs.

Soon after, Kano replaced the right side of his face with a metal plate (complete with robotic eye, thus making him look like the terminator). Kano also began to think a change of personality was in order. Although he was originally billed as being Japanese/American, Kano had always wondered of a life as a lovable, sex-obsessed Australian criminal and so Kano official changed himself into an Australian thug. He even took Austrailian classes to help his voice evolve into a thick Aussie accent.

Hehe, can ya hear me now mothafucka?!?

Some time thereafter one night in one of his clubs in Hong Kong, he met with the creepy and voicely challenged (meaning his voice would go from high to low at any given time for no reason) Outworld sorcerer, Shang Tsung whom somehow found out about him and his past crimes (and was in town filming the Mortal Kombat Tournament) and offered Kano a large sum of money to lure Sonya to the tournament to star in his Mortal Kombat movie (but unknown to Kano, Shang Tsung had much more "intimate" plans for Sonya). Eager to meet the blondie babe again and have a chance for movie immortality, Kano agreed and lured the foxy warrior to the island where the Kombat was to be filmed.A day before the filming, he was treated to a fantastic feast of assorted fruits and meats (which actually was a bunch of leftovers from the other warrior's feasts which had been thrown unto the floor and was later scrapped off and given to him). During his meal, Kano engaged in a not-so-plesant coversation with four armed freak, Goro and was publicly humiliated by Shang Tsung.

The next day, he engaged in a battle with Sonya Blade (which contained many sexual undertones as he seemed to be coming on to her during most of the match). In the closing moments of the battle, Sonya performed a handstand and wrapped her thighs around Kano's neck and brought him down to the ground. Little did Sonya, the audience, or Shang Tsung realized that Kano had "intentionally" got himself in between Sonya's thighs because he had a deep fetish for women's legs and thighs. He asked Sonya for "a break" and she complied by snapping his neck.

Soon after, once the film hit the big screen, the audience appluded the performance by Miss Sonya Blade and Kano. Several months later, the scene was nominated and won the award for "Best Sexual Scene In A Movie". Sonya and Kano both received awards for "Best Performance In A Movie". The movie itself won the award for "Best Movie Of The Year". The script itself was the best anybody had ever read since Super Mario Bros The Movie.

Aftermath

Kano would continue his criminal acts for many decades. He continued to star in the sequels for the famous Mortal Kombat movie trilogy where he would continue to re-enact the famous "Sonya VS Kano" match. However, Kano's longtime rival Mavado (whom is well known for his new line of watches) of the Red Dragon clan became jealous of Kano's accomplishments and captured the Aussie thug back to his gang's hideout. Fortunately for Kano, the Red Dragon's hideout had been penetrated by Taven (the Red Dragon's leader; Daegon's older yet more bitchy brother) and Kano was set free. The Red Dragon hideout was later destroyed by Daegon's pet dragon whom was pissed off he wasn't feed for several months. Kano rejoined his fellow Black Dragon members to celebrate Blaze's birthday in Mortal Kombat Armageddon, the long awaited sequel of the franchise.

Present Day

Kano currently resides in Hollywood, California where he has made a living as one of Hollywood's most loved B-list actors. He is as he likes to say "a bachelor for life baby" and is currently reviving breaks from Sonya Blade, whom is extremely confused how the thug cannot be killed despite the fact she always snaps his neck. The two have since moved together and rumor has it that they plan to marry in Trevor's homeland of Australia.

Now going by his birth name of Trevor Goddard, he frequently crashes weddings and makes out with the brides, attends award shows dressed in tank-tops and parachute pants, and instigates gang violence on the streets. He also frequently and violently assualts the gay community of West Hollywood with a gang of 80s rock music enthusiests and also has a habit of hot-wiring and stealing cars; an act he became well acquainted with when he was a teenager.

He is also good friends with fellow Mortal Kombat co-star Shang Tsung whom now goes by his birth name of Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa. The two have collabirated with one another on an incredibly successful music career and the two share a friendly rivalry for the affections of Sonya Blade.

Combat characteristics

Signature moves

• Eye Beams: He uses a laser in his metal plate to burn the opponent's chest.

. (MKI, MKT, MK:DA, MK:SM, MK:A)

• Cannonball: Kano jumps in the air and attempts to squash his opponent beneath him whilst screaming "cannonbal"! He ends up landing on his ass and damages himself.

(MK, MKT, MK:SM, MK:DA, MK:A)

• Ridicule: One of Kano's most well known attacks. He ridicules the opponent by putting them down whilst waving a chicken wing in his hand. If performed on a female character, he'll come on to them. (MK, MKT, MK:DA, MK:SM, MK:A)

Recurring fatalities

• Heart Rip: Kano rips his opponent's heart out using his barefist. If he is in a wild mood, he'll eat it because he thinks it's "bloody cool".

(MK, MKII, MKT, MK4, MKG, MK:SM)

• Give Me A Break! : Kano fakes hara-kiri by asking a female to give him a break. The female character proceeds to wrap her thighs and or legs around his neck, bring him to the floor, and snaps his neck. The female character will become amazed by Kano's ability to stay alive despite having his neck snapped like a phonebook.

(MK1)

Music Career

When not staring in another exciting Mortal Kombat sequel, Kano is singing. Much like his movie career, he has reached much success.

Lawsuits

In 1995, Arnold Schwarchenegger filed a lawsuit against Kano, for sporting a metal plate on the right side of his face which made him mistakeable for a terminator. Needless to say, the two would not reach a settlement until 5 years later where Arnold personally apologized to Kano for being an unappreciative moron after learning Kano simply wore the metal plate because "it looked cool".

Trivia

• Kano is one of the individuals whose image has replaced the presidents on Mount Rushmore. The others are Chuck Norris, Billy Mays, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, and Peter Steele.
• Kano actually sees better with his robotic eye.
• Kano filmed a documentary of his personal life away from the film industry. The film is called Flexing With Monty which shows his lifestyle as a body building, pleasure craving, milk drinking, woman pleasing, disturbing fetish loving, gay hustling, narcissist.
• Kano is good friends with former JAG co-star Catherine Bell. This friendship was created when Kano decided to lick her neck in a seductive manner while filming "Men of War". Catherine proceeded to thank Kano by screwing up one of the takes by licking his face.
• Believes everything has a soul. He considers his muscle to be "pregnant with power" and to "have a soul; a fleshy soul that you can squeeze".
• Kano actually founded the word "drank" as a better sounding alternative to the word "drink". Kano found the word to flow a lot better and soon after word got out to the public, drank ultimately replaced drink in the English dictonary. Kano would later have a guest appearance in T-Pain's music video for his new hit single "Buy U A Drank".
• Kano founded the famous Australian dinner dish of "Chicken and Wine" or as he loves to call it "Chickin N Whine". The dish is rather peculiar in that one doesn't eat the chicken and drink the wine, but rather dips the chicken in the wine as a dipping sauce. Kano has created a special variant of the dish in which fried chicken is coated in a delicate wine glaze.
• Kano was a spokesman for many mainstream supestores and resturants. He was best known for his Outback Steak House commercial lines, until he realised that they did not represent Australian cuisine. He was ultimately fired after he found himself cursing and expressing his love for women for than talking about anything to do with the resturant. He was fired for the same reason after doing a commercial for Six Flags when he promoted a fake roller coaster ride called The Brake-a-nator (a pun on his now infamous "give me a break" line and the terminator) which supposedly didn't feature seatbelts, but rather exotic women rapping their thighs comfortably around the rider's necks. Six Flags soon filed for bankruptcy after the public learned the ride didn't exist and that the company refused to have Kano create such a ride.
• Kano is a very curious person and will not hesitate to ask any question he feels he needs to ask.
• Kano has participated in numerous wrestling matches for both WWE and WCW in which he fought in many matches against the divas and female wrestlers of both organizations. The matches were not actually considered matches, but rather hardcore pornography and thus resulted in high ratings for both companies. Freaky and hairy Canadian horn-dog wrestler Edge has credited Kano to be his greatest influence of all time and for providing inspiration to one day have live sex following his victory of becoming WWE champion.