Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/June 11

June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day

• 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually 'exists', or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is 'perceived' by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes.
• 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies.
• 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares ontological empiricism shallow and pedantic.
• 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen... Have you seen Kyle?
• 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death.
• 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them.
• 1993 - Margaret Thatcher lost in Woolworths; found near Pic'n'Mix.
• 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several pan-dimensional beings.
• 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittilating.
• 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'ontological', 'empiricism', and in some cases, 'day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 On This Day.
• 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited.
• 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. 'Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos!' declared the agressor.
• 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against holding Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the 'Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument' papers.
• 2010 - Steve Irwin confirmed as 'still dead'.