John Legend
It came to pass that a Gentile called John Legend was singing by the Sea of Galilee. He was thick of head and strong in muscle. He got noticed. The Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, Who art thou? And he confessed, and denied not, and said plainly, I am not the Christ, the one called Jesus or his brothers James, Hey Jude, Hey Joe, Ringo or Simon called Pegg because of leg. I'm an American.
And they asked him, What art thou then? Art thou Elias?, Art thou Elijah?? Art thou Enoch??? he said, I am not. Art thou that Oh Prophet Whatshisname? And he answered, No. Keep guessing. Try a different initial letter. I am not Art Garfunkel.
Then said they unto him, What art thou? that we may give an answer unto them that sent us. What say’st thou of thyself? And he said, I am the voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord because it was created by a twisted road builder. I have been sent and cannot return until another takes my place,
Then the priests returned and said If Art thou - what's next? Are you the one promised and not returned (deposit outstanding)?
A crowd had gathered and ye all crieth as one. Art thou instead Will Smith? Thee look so similar said they. I am a man, son of Sam and not of Sam. My name is John Legend. I am a myth and a man. I breathe and smell, I vomit and puke. God give me strength. And stop calling me Art.
Then the Pharisees arrived and condemned the man called John Legend and handed him over to Antipas. The Tetrix of Galilee ordered the man called John Legend into his presence. Antipas ordered him stoned. Legend agreed he was and took a drag on offered funny fag then died in agony as it pleased the Lord.
On the third day Legend did not wake up. He was no longer a fable. Just a dead John nobody.