In the beginning
In the beginning God was totally bored so he created space and put some stuff in it.
And the stuff was a real mess; and it was dark. And God swam through space.
And God noticed the lack of light, so he snapped his fingers: and there was light.
And God decided to invent a word for stuff he liked so he changed a vowel in his name and saw that the light was "good".
And God called the light D(umbledore-is-g)ay, and the darkness he called N(ot-l)ight. So much for the first day.
And God noticed the lack of air above some big spherical stuffs, so he snapped his fingers again.
And God made an atmosphere around these big spherical stuffs, and divided the molten earth from the void of outer space: and it was verily so.
And God called the atmosphere Heaven for some reason. So much for the second day.
And God wanted some solid rock to stand on, so he snapped his fingers again, and dry land appeared: and it was verily so.
And God noticed the lack of vegetation, so he snapped his fingers yet again: and it was verily so.
And plants started growing on the earth: and God saw that it was good.
So much for the third day.
And God noticed no Sun or Moon could be seen through the primeval murky atmosphere, so he snapped his fingers again.
And the skies cleared up: and it was verily so.
And God made the Sun and the Moon appear, and stars also.
And God made their lights shine through the atmosphere.
And God saw that it was good.
So much for the fourth day.
And God noticed the lack of animals, so he snapped his fingers.
And God thus created an abundance of living creatures that moved through the waters and the air.
And God blessed them, commanding them to reproduce like hell.
So much for the fifth day.
And God noticed he hadn't put any critters on the dry land yet, so he snapped his fingers again.
And God thus created a whole lot of creatures that crawled upon the earth: and God saw that it was good.
And God decided to instill his likeness into a bodily form, i.e. humans, so as to have some intelligent beings to toy with.
So God created humans in his own image by snapping his fingers once more, male and female they were created.
And God blessed them thoroughly, and God told them to have many fruits, and reproduce, and fill the earth, and dominate it: and regard all other living things as greatly inferior.
And God commanded to behold his greatness, for he had created plants that provided food for these humans.
And the animals too were provided with food by these plants.
And God looked at everything he had made, and, behold, it was very good indeed. So much for the sixth day.
Thus God's job was done.
And on the seventh day God poured himself a nice pint of beer, eased back in his divine lounger and enjoyed not being concerned about anything at all.
And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because God had liked that day the most.