How to Milk a Cash Cow

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Bono. He's better than you.

How to Milk a Cash Cow is the 115th album by the Irish rock bland U2, first released November 22, 2004. This album was awarded eighty Grammys, winning in all of the categories in which it was nominated, including: Best Album, Best Band, Best Original song, Best Solo Artist, Best Heavy Metal Act, Best Hip-Hop act, Best U2 act and Best Film. It went on to be the most successful album of all time, debuting at #0 on the US charts (although it later fell to #1). U2 sucks.


The album began, according to Bono, when The Edge mentioned to him a desire to become very rich without putting in any work. Bono immediately came up with a concept for an album which would be unbelievably bland and vacuous, but that everyone would like anyway. Thus, How to Milk a Cash Cow was born. Larry Mullen Jr. of U2 described the album as "buy it, please!" Originally, this album was referred to by the working title of How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. This is because the album had all the lifeless, meandering, redundant qualities of a dismantled Weapon Of Mass Destruction.


How to Milk a Cash Cow was released to completely positive reviews. Coldplay's Chris Martin said of it: "I thought we made the most boring, souless pseudo-rock around, but now I realise that we still have a lot to learn in that department." Rolling Stone's John Evans gave the album 6 stars, saying "It is no longer a question of whether Bono is the second coming of Christ. The only question that remains is: how long until he brings this world to an end, and casts the sinners down to the eternal fire?"

How to Milk a Cash Cow got all the top ten places in MTV's "100 Greatest Rock albums" countdown, and was commended by world leaders as: "The single biggest step towards World Peace since the fall of the Third Reich". The lyrics of Where-to-go, the first single from the album, also won Bono a Nobel Prize for literature.


Certain limited edition copies of How to Milk a Cash Cow contained a special, personal message from Bono, in which he discussed his Make Poverty History campaign.

Hi, I'm Bono. Thanks to you guys, I am extremely rich. I live in several mansions. And I think that you should be ashamed of yourselves. The only reason that you've got all this money is because of debt, colonialism, corporate greed and whatever other buzzwords that I can think of. So don't spend money on yourselves, spend it on the poor. Unless spending it on yourself means buying my albums. In fact, you should probably buy another copy of this album, just to be on the safe side. Incidentally, I won't be giving any of my money to charity. My Maserati does 185, I lost my conscience now I don't swive( except Andrea Corr) Cheers.

In a noble gesture, U2 kindly donated 0% of the profits from How to Milk a Cash Cow to helping Poor countries deal with their crippling debt.


  1. "Where-to-go"– 3:11
  2. "Don't Do Miracle Drugs" – 3:54
  3. "Sometimes You Can't Make It Without Stabbing Someone in the Back" – 5:08
  4. "Love and Peace or Something Else" – 4:48
  5. "City of Blind Mice" – 5:47
  6. "All Because of Pooh" – 3:34
  7. "A Man and a Blow-up Woman" – 4:27
  8. "Table from Your Crumbs " – 4:59
  9. "One Step Closer"(Cover of Linkin Park song) – 3:48
  10. "Not Even If You Were the Original of the Species" – 4:41
  11. "Allah" – 4:22
  12. "Really Slow Cars"– 30:44

See also[edit]